Surrendering to the River in Fog

I arise and meditate in the sheer anticipation of launching into the fog soon - something I have never done before - knowing that Grace and I will offer ourselves to this enveloping and swirling veil, so symbolic, on so many levels...

I launch into the river on a crisp and cool morning with a fog so thick I cannot see to the other side. I begin to paddle and am startled by a large bass that jumps out along the left side of Grace. It looks me in the eye - and I am momentarily confronted by my fears. I want to hug the shoreline and do so for a while, but the fog is calling me to join it, much deeper within...

I know my island is on the other side and I must go, so I let go of holding on - and paddle into the thick mist. If this is not surrender, I don't know what is...

I let go - I go in - I open to grace...

I paddle upstream for a while navigating the waters of my life and watching the misty fog dance and skip on the surface of the river accompanied by a flock of black birds - willing dance partners to the foggy mist. Then I meditate and pray, and let go - and allow myself to gently and quietly float downstream, lost in contemplation and endless supplications...

I meditate here, in the middle of the river, on Rosh Hashanah - the beginning of the High Holy Days - the "Days of Awe." This day of the Jewish New Year is one for introspection and I am invited to revisit my past mistakes. I ask forgiveness for all of my transgressions - and for all those whom I have hurt. I most especially forgive, all those that have hurt me - knowingly and unknowingly...

I lay all that is in my heart and soul at the feet of the Divine - all that I must let go of - all that stands in the way of my growth and transformation...

I call upon a sacred lineage of gurus, especially Lahiri Mahasaya whose birthday it is today...

I reflect on how I am on the threshold of ending a month and stepping into another - which will bring me full circle into the completion of this year - marking the first time I came to the river at a soul companion's suggestion...

It is so beautiful and peaceful here in the center of the river, enveloped gently by the fog that I want to stay here forever... As I float downstream, I can sense every subtle nuance in the movement of Grace - in a way I have never before been able to experience - knowing at every moment which direction I am moving towards or facing - as if I can see with a more sacred, interior sight...

I open to grace - seeking to align more fully with grace...

I open my eyes nearly an hour later...The fog has mostly lifted. I can see the shorelines on both sides of the river, though a thin mist on the surface of the river remains, and I can see the sun poking through, looking like the moon reflected in the waters. I note that Grace is pointing straight ahead towards the boat launch area.

I paddle in, with a strange sense of exhilaration - knowing I surrendered something very deeply in these healing waters as I surrendered on my mat the last few days...

I step out onto clearer waters for the first time in days - like my mind and my soul - and Grace is nearly pristine...She and I have been baptized on this Jewish holy day and made clean as we step into a new year. I could not have made deeper forays into this journey of the heart and soul without her.

Let Go of Holding On

I go to the river - compelled by a force and an urge greater than myself and which I cannot resist, even though the river is murky, and dirty and filled with debris. I cannot see to the bottom, yet the clouds overhead are reflected in the dark and opaque waters.

If the river is a metaphor for my life - is this another sign? All of my intuitive friends would unanimously agree it is so...

I see one heron flying off - but I do not think it is the one I have connected with because it is no where near the place he usually inhabits. I do not see him today - but I think I hear him calling out to me when I paddle back to the launch area ...

I paddle upstream, somewhat repelled by all the debris floating on the surface as I repeat a line from my entry yesterday:

"Let go of holding on--
and hold on to letting go..."

I repeat it over and over again as I paddle. It is a mantra. So simple, but so hard to practice and embody...

I reach my favorite spot and meditate for a while and then float downstream, repeating my mantra over and over again:

"Let go of holding on--
and hold on to letting go..."

When I open my eyes I note that I floated down quickly, and almost in a straight line...I do not have to paddle hard or long to make my way back...

I think of teaching several classes this last week in different settings, inviting students to explore the interplay between effort and surrender - in standing poses, in forward bends, and restoratives, and in 60 salutations...

The river is a constant reminder and manifestation of this interplay of effort and surrender in my own life...I don't know where I am going - but I go none-the-less...There is still too much resistance inside - even though yesterday I was called to do a yin practice - holding poses for a long time, surrendering over and over to the Divine...

I reflect on the insights given to me by another intuitive friend I had not heard from in a while. She finds powerful Shamanic symbolism evident in my experiences on the river.

She observes that I am working through my emotions and feelings through the very act of paddling on the river - for water is symbolic of emotions...

The heron too, serves an important role - for in Shamanic medicine he evokes many things - the need for greater self-reliance and following one's own path - the need for working through self-esteem issues and dealing with healthy and appropriate boundaries...It is also about dealing with dignity, and engaging in exploration as well...

What else can be said?

The river heals - and constantly reveals...

I thank the One and the one who brought me to the river...

A Beautiful Intention

I received this recently in an email. It contains some beautiful thoughts...

Choose Once Again...
To be Well in a world that idolizes disease...
To be Happy in a world full of sorrows...
To be Free in a world of apparent bondage...
To extend Constant Blessings in a world that condemns...
To be Joy-Full in a world of pain...
To Feel Time-less in a world bound by time...
To Breathe in a world that attempts to take your breath away...
To be At Peace in a world at war...
To Live as an immortal Being
in a world of mortality.

Embrace your innate Holy-ness
by pouring Light and Love over and upon
all mundane things--
As you Awaken...
as you take care of your Holy Body Temple,
as you bathe, as you speak, as you eat and drink,
as you offer work, as you walk upon the earth,
as you encounter all living beings and things,
as you rest and sleep...
the way to overcome and transcend the world
and its illusory nature and limiting energies
is to experience every-thing and every-body
as sacred...a constant sacrament.
Let Forgive-ness rest upon all things.
Let go of holding on...Hold onto letting go...
Remember to deliberately
Choose Peace in ALL things...
during every event,
under each circumstance and condition,
with all people.

Pray for those know not of prayer...
Pray for our Humanity to Endure...
Pray for all species existing in,
upon and above our planet to live on...
AND
Pray that the wicked become Good.
That the Good find Peace.
That The Peace-Filled Ones be freed from bondage.
And...ALL Those Freed set others free.
That all suffering ends.
And Dharma is Supported, Preserved and Prevails.

AND PLEASE,
Love your Life Today...
For today is the only time and place you have,
to Love your Most Miraculous and Blessed Life.

Namaste Forever

- Emmanuel Adam Kadmon

Salutations and Meditations

I arise before dawn and yearn to go down to the river because there are always so many lessons for me there. As I shared with a friend earlier this week, in the midst of so much unsettling, the river is teaching me to go with the flow...

The morning starts out foggy, but quickly becomes muggy and I prepare for the joyous moments to come by delving into meditation...

My student arrives on her 60th birthday. She wants to begin her day and birthday celebration with a practice. I share with her my plans for her today - it is a practice that a dear friend shared with me a few years ago - that another dear friend in turn shared with her...I pass on the beauty of this practice that has now been passed on to many...

It is a practice done in silence...

Today is a day for giving thanks, for remembering, and for going deep within. I practice with her to offer my own support, but I also offer my own prayers - for my nephew on his birthday - and another friend turning 74 - while she dedicates her practice to her parents, whom I am sure are smiling on the Other Side...

We listen to endless variations of "OM Namah Shivayas" as we begin to dance through a variation of 60 sun salutations - each one dedicated to one year of her life...

I count them off softly so she does not have to keep track - she is thus fully free to immerse herself in every moment that unfolds into the next one - bathed in the memories elicited by each one of her years - revisited with each individual round of the salutations...

We reach the half way point - and I spot her in three magnificent handstands in the middle of the room...

And then the flow continues, mindfully and gracefully through 30 more years...

We end in the same silence pregnant with memories and feelings that carried us through the practice, with a restorative pose and a long savasana...

My student and friend leaves, deeply touched, saying she will always remember the beauty of this experience...

Minutes later, another friend and brother in my meditation lineage arrives, and together we go deep into meditation for an hour...

We begin with the reading of the day, and finding it so delicious and so precious, I re-read it, more slowly, and reverently:

"One moon dispels the darkness of the heavens.
Similarly, one soul who is trained to know God,
a soul in whom there is true devotion
and sincere seeking and intensity,
will dispel the spiritual darkness of others,
wherever he [or she] may go."

We conclude and sit joyously in the shared blessing of our Kriya Yoga meditation practice.

I give thanks for the many openings and blessings of the the last four days, having been embraced by the very arms of God, and for being given the gift and the experience of many moons to dispel the darkness in my soul during one very memorable week...

As Julian of Norwich, the 14th century English mystic so beautifully wrote, and as a dear friend has often reminded me:

"All shall be well,
and all shall be well!
And all manner of things shall be well."

Darshan and Mahasamadhi

I still bask in the experiences of this week. Many special moments...

And today is another special day, for it is the Mahasamadhi of Lahiri Mahasaya, the Great Guru in Paramahansa Yogananda's lineage who was entrusted with bringing the gift of Kriya Yoga to laypersons for the first time. It was the deathless Avatar, Babaji, who came to Lahiri Mahasaya - himself a lay man - commanding him to share this sacred path that had previously only been disclosed to yogis advanced in the practice of meditation.

A "Mahasamadhi" is a conscious exit that a guru makes of the body, and the word itself means ecstasy. The Guru's energy and presence are available to the disciple in a very special way on this day.

Yogananda had these beautiful things to say about the guru-disciple relationship which I wrote about in March:

"The friendship that exists
between guru and disciple is eternal...

It is the duty of the guru and disciple
to be loyal to each other,
not only in one life,
but for many lives
if these are necessary to reach God..."

And this following passage was particularly relevant for me in terms of the experiences, the blessings, and the gifts bestowed this week:

"My body shall pass but my work shall go on.
And my spirit shall live on.
Even when I am taken away
I shall work with you for the deliverance
of the world with the message of God.
Prepare yourselves for the glory of God.
Charge yourselves with the flame of Spirit."

Finally, I will share the poem I wrote the night I gazed into Mother Meera's eyes and lost myself in Eternity and Divine Light:

Darshan

Darshan--
To see with reverence
And devotion--
To receive a glimpse
of the Divine

An embodiment
of the Sacred Feminine--
Of the Divine Mother
Cradles my head

My hands join in Anjali Mudra--
A gesture of offering,
My Soul is the gift.

The Divine Mother and I--
Look into each others eyes
In total silence

I gaze into Eternity--
There is a KNOWING;
I am seen in my Essence
And Time stands till

The Divine Mother
Imparts Paramatman--
Divine Light;
It floods my soul
Compelling me to merge
With the Divine
In deepest meditation.

I am grateful for blessings
That are beyond words

The Gift of Darshan

I went to the river very early this morning to launch myself and Grace.

It was cold and breezy and overcast - and the water was restless. Rain was in the forecast, so I wanted to beat the weather and get into the river as soon as possible.

Paddling was not effortless - and at one point it was actually work. I felt tossed around and wanted to hug the shoreline, tinges of fear surfacing.

I didn't manage to make it as far as I normally do, but I did approach the section of the island with beautiful wildflowers hoping to see the heron. I don't if it was "the" heron - but I saw one just moments later, surveying all that his eyes could see. I floated for a while, and then he flew off...

I have just had two of the most incredible days...

Yesterday I had the opportunity, the honor, and the gift to receive darshan with Mother Meera.

"Darshan" is translated commonly as: "to see with reverence and devotion." It literally means sight and implies receiving a glimpse or vision of the Divine.

Mother Meera is an Indian woman who is believed by many to be an embodiment of the Sacred Feminine or the Divine Mother - of which there are many manifestations on the planet at this time, each one entrusted with a sacred and unique task.

Mother Meera's vocation is to bring "Paramatman" or a special form of Divine Light which is being brought into the planet for the first time. I had an experience of this before I read about it last night.

Mother Meera's darshan is also given in silence. Some darshan experiences include or are centered around lessons or talks that are given. Other darshans are more unique - like Ammachi, whom I experienced years ago. A darshan with her consists of receiving a hug which transmits powerful energy. Thus, she is known as the hugging saint. At the time, I felt something akin to a bolt of electricity running through my body and I could not walk right after it.

When it came to be my time to join the line approaching Mother Meera, I felt myself engulfed in a very powerful energy that was loving and sweet. I asked to receive whatever it was that I needed to receive. To be shown whatever it was that I needed to be shown. And to be healed of whatever it was that I needed to heal.

Finally, it came to be my time to kneel in front of her. I bowed and touched her feet lightly and she cradled my head. When she released my head I looked up into her eyes placing my hands in Anjali Mudra.

"Anjali Mudra" is the prayer gesture where palms touch each other. The word "anjali" means offering - and mudra means gesture. Thus, I offered the only thing I had - my essence.

Mother Meera's darshan involves this loving gaze which transmits Divine love and energy and whatever it is you need to receive. For a moment, I felt a slight sense of surprise as I placed my hands in Anjali Mudra. I don't think anyone else in the room did this. Everyone else seemed to keep their hands on the floor or on their lap.

We looked into each other's eyes and I gazed into Eternity and felt a KNOWING. I knew she saw me in my Essence. The connection I felt defies articulation and I had no concept of the passage of time.

Afterwards, when I sat, I had the sensation of light going through me - pouring into me and going out. I did not understand this until I read Mother Meera's book later last night.

I spent most of the time after I returned home and the evening and late night in deep meditation. There was nothing else I wanted or could do. Somehow I wanted to hold onto the sacredness of the moment and the experience.

The day before, I had the privilege of meditating with an enlightened soul who had been given the honor of meditating for an hour in Yogananda's attic room in India - on the very same animal skin that he had sat on. This gifted soul has the ability to transmit the energy and ecstasy - which is the fruit of his own meditation - to others. I received that, along with a special message from my own Master for me.

I was asked this morning what I thought of the President's speech on the tumbling economy and realized that I had been disconnected from world events for two days, having been given the gift to connect more deeply with the Divine.

Yesterday was also the conclusion of the Anusara Yoga Grand Gathering in Estes Park, Colorado, where 800 practitioners and teachers of Anusara Yoga gathered. As the "captain" of the Virgina and Washington DC kulas (communities or spiritual families), I was entrusted with sending a blessing to those gathered. I wish to end this entry with this:

Blessing for the Grand Gathering

may your souls dance
inside your bodies--
cloaking and unsheathing,
in the subtle union
and delicate balance
of experiencing raw power,
tempered by refinement--
the many become One,
creating beauty and sheer artistry,
as an act of pure devotion

Personal Power

This comes from the latest Inner Journey Newsletter:

"The deep root of failure in our lives is to think, 'Oh how useless and powerless I am.' It is essential to think strongly and forcefully, 'I can do it,' without boasting or fretting."
- Dalai Lama

Angeles Arrien says that whether we are male or female, we need to develop three kinds of power. People who hold these three powers cannot be ignored.

1. Power of presence - Being really present in each moment
2. Power of communication - Speaking my truth
3. Power of position - Being willing to take a stand

"A man's true state of power and riches is to be in himself."
- Henry Ward Beecher

"We are no longer puppets being manipulated by outside powerful forces; we become the powerful force ourselves."
- Leo Buscaglia

The Snake and the Mouse

My mother spent a lot of time with my two young nephews this summer - something that both of my parents do every year. Before she returned home, she told me a most amazing story.

My nephews decided that they wanted a snake as a pet, so they got one.

It turns out the snake needed to be fed a live mouse every week.

One week, the snake had a mouse placed in its cage that it did not eat. The days went by, and still the mouse remained in the cage. Over a period of about three weeks, the snake and mouse seemed to hang out together. They slept together, and literally seemed to have become friends!

Eventually, the snake was released into the yard because it would die if it did not eat. Since my sister and her husband own ten acres out in the country, this did not seem to be an issue. Once released, the snake took off and made himself at home in the broad expanse of tall grasses and trees in the back yard, and has not been seen since.

The mouse - on the other hand - remains in the cage, and is now a pet.

What a wonderful story filled with so many lessons! I reflected on how the that sense of oneness that so many traditions speak of attaining was so beautifully illustrated and exemplified in the example of such very different creatures!

River Thoughts II

This morning I made a quick stop at the river before going off to class to see what it was like. It had been foggy in the early morning, but by nearly 9:00 AM it had totally burned away.

The river was still - like a plate of glass - and I so longed to get in it. The river drew me - I could not go and teach before first seeing it and at least visually connecting with it. The river now sustains me, and indeed I feel, it animates my very soul. I watched longingly as one kayaker reverently launched himself into its healing waters in the process of deep cleansing.

I did return at 11:30 AM and the river was still like a plate of glass. As usual, I paddled upstream to my favorite spot, now taken over by the underwater grasses, which is supposed to be a good thing from what I read. Yet the insight that came to me was that these grasses seemed to be choking the river as much as some of my repetitive thought patterns were...

On the corner of the island that I usually pass, stood one lone blue heron, magnificently perched among the grasses. Again, I imagined that it was the one I frequently encounter.

What a graceful and elegant creature he is! I lost myself in the present moment as we locked gazes. I have no notion of how much time went by. He stood motionless - or moved in slow motion as I moved in and out of meditation. He too, seemed lost in contemplation as we danced in and out of our respective meditative experiences.

Grace stood motionless as well - held in place by the grasses that were so thick in this spot that I could not - and did not float downstream. But I think that Grace and the river also sensed that they were privy to an experience and encounter that was very special and unique. I could have stayed there for hours. Finally, I literally had to urge myself to start paddling again and head back to the boat launch as I had a lot of work to do in my office.

Despite all the things that have happened in my life, it is an incredible gift for me to come to the river and commune with it. Sometimes the only sound I hear is that of bass flapping in the water, of herons, which today gracefully skipped and danced over the surface of the river, and of insects buzzing all about.

While I gazed at this magnificent heron, I offered him Reiki and reflected on how we were both part of God's creation - both of us a Divine spark shot forth from his heart. For one brief moment there was no separation between us. There was so time. And I felt peace.

I also thought of how lucky this heron was - to be a full time resident of the river - enjoying its silence and ample opportunities for contemplation endlessly - without deadlines and tasks that need to be accomplished or the necessity to earn a living. What a joy that must be!

Yesterday, in my Reiki 3 class, we spent a lot of time discussing how Reiki as a spiritual practice enables us to experience oneness and helps us to go into a space of non-duality from which to do our work.

I know that for those brief moments when the heron and I gazed into each other's soul, time stood still and there was no separation between us. We were not members of different species. We were one. I I know that we both experienced non-duality in its essence.

Saying Yes to the Full Spectrum of Life

I got up very early this morning, and it was so foggy that for a moment I yearned to take Grace to the river. I have never been kayaking in the fog. It was so thick and misty, and seemed to swirl around magically like it had a life of its own.

But instead, I had the joy, pleasure and honor of subbing for large yoga classes at the studio across the river where I study. I realized it had been a year since I had taught a couple of groups of nearly 30 students and it was wonderful to see that I had not lost the ability to move around a room and quickly scan for the major mis-alignments and suggest the necessary adjustments. There is an energy that comes from being in a large group that I love.

It was the first class of the session, so the teacher had asked me to work on some variation of "Opening to Grace." I chose to focus on opening to grace as saying yes to the full spectrum of life.

When we say yes to to life - we say yes to everything - the things we like - and the things we don't like in life. We say yes to the things we want - and the things we don't want as well - recognizing that everything is already perfect as it is because every person and everything is instrinsically good. This is fundamentally a Tantric perspective, which is the philosophical system that undergirds Anusara Yoga.

When we open to grace we are willing to be in the present moment. We choose to live our lives from that vantage point and we do not resist what is.

I believe that the core and essence of Anusara Yoga lies in this principle and perspective - for it implies a willingness to be open and to be vulnerable - thus opening the door to transformation. We cannot grow and we cannot heal - if we are not first willing to open. This is what makes our style of yoga so unique. No other style begins with this principle.

There are many ways in which we can open to grace. One way is to express gratitude for everything that happens in our lives - the things we enjoy and those we find more challenging.

How does opening to grace feel in our bodies?

There is a softening - a lengthening - there is a greater sense of spaciousness and instructors will use expressions such as "inner body bright" and "side body long" to convey this.

I invited the students to move and enjoy their bodies as they began this session by opening to grace and saying yes to the full spectrum of life!

After teaching these two classes, I came home to finish a Reiki workshop with four wonderful women. It was also a joy and pleasure to spend two days with them engaging in Reiki as a spiritual practice.

As I cleaned up after they left, I noticed the saying on the Yogi Tea bag that one of them was drinking. It read:

"Open to Infinity - and you become infinity."

And I thought to myself:

"Open to grace - and you become grace!"

Yogananda Gems

Every day, I begin my morning meditation with a reading from Yogananda's writings. Here are a couple of recent gems:

"Your new work should be your only concern now. Do not feel attachment to the old. Accept changes with equanimity, and perform in a spirit of divine freedom whatever duties come your way."

"First meditate and feel the divine Presence; then do your work saturated with the consciousness of God. If you do this you will never become tired. If you work for your Divine Beloved, your life will be filled with love and strength."

The messages, are always timely...

River Meditation: "I and the Father are One"

As I mentioned in my posting yesterday, I love to meditate in a certain special spot in the river which I reach by paddling upstream. I do a special practice and then allow myself to float downstream for a while. At the end of my practice, I often repeat to myself, over and over again the following sacred mantra suggested by Yogananda:

"I and the Father are One."

It reminds me that I am one with everything - even when I do not feel this sense of oneness. I believe that the more I repeat it, the more I embody it, and the more my cells begin to receive and reflect this blessed message.

Yesterday I found myself adding the following to my meditation:

"I and the Father are One.
I and this river are one.
I and the herons are One.
I and the trees are One.

I am one with everyone.
I am one with those I love.
I am one with those I have difficulty with.
I am one with those I have hurt.
I am one with those that have hurt me.

I am one with my pain and my sorrow.
I am one with the pain and sorrow of others.
I am one with all who suffer.
I am one with those who experience joy.

I am one even in the experience of separation,
for there is no separation.
I am one with everyone in these trying times.

I and the Father are One."

And then I floated downstream very slowly, almost as if I were in suspended animation, embraced by the hand and love of God.

River Lessons

Today, as I met a dear intuitive friend for breakfast - someone I like to refer to as my "guardian angel" - I shared with her how the river has been the only constant companion in my life in the past year.

She nodded affirmatively, saying to me - "Yes, it ebbs, and flows, but it is always there."

This afternoon, when I got out into the river, I couldn't help but observe how dirty and murky the river has been. There is this residue clinging to the shores and sometimes floating on top of the river. It almost seems to to me as if the river is in the process of purging. According to the ancient Indian science of Ayurveda, it is important to detox and cleanse as one transitions from one season to another, so perhaps the river is preparing to enter deeply into the Fall. I have been thinking of how best to do this myself and once more, I found the river mirroring my own life and the state of my soul...

As always, I paddled upstream to meditate in my favorite spot and then float downstream for a while. I bypassed a blue heron that was more or less in the same place as the one I saw recently. We looked at each other intently and I felt he was the same one I had seen before. A Voice inside me said - "he's the one."

A motor boat went by and stirred up the waters creating big waves. I was tossed about and found it hard to paddle at first. Then I released and remembered what another friend said to me in the monthly Reiki meditation group that I host: "Like the river, go with the flow. That is what I learned when I went swimming with the whales - it is what they kept telling me over and over again."

Go with the flow...Release...Surrender...Do not fight what is...Accept everything as it is and realize it is all perfect as it is...

These are important lessons - but often so difficult for us to embody.

Then I thought of a review I read of the book Led By Faith - the remarkable story of Immaculee Ilibagiza, who survived the Rwandan genocide. Her family was exterminated and she was left wondering how she could ever love again. But then, a friend shared with her these words. (The following is excerpted from a newsletter sent out by Hay House, her publisher):

"Go back into the world and find someone to bless with that same type of love. Give it to someone who has no love at all, such as the homeless, the sick, or the orphaned. Look for the beauty of God in the eyes of a little boy or girl. Find a child whose heart has been shattered, and give him or her some happiness. Remember, all love begins with a smile."

Immaculee herself describes her journey of discovery and spiritual growth:

"I learned that when we have suffered a loss too great to bear, our hearts and minds are open to miracles... and sometimes even a little miracle can sustain our faith and help us survive."

So many lessons - everywhere - the same lessons coming in so many different forms and flavors...

Emotional Freedom

The latest issue of the Chopra Newsletter is titled "Emotional Freedom" and it has this to say:

"Every emotion has a beginning and an end. Like an ocean wave, even the most painful feeling crests and dissipates. Even the happiest moment reaches a peak, then passes into memory. Emotional suffering only arises when, in our confusion, we block the natural flow of emotions by clinging tightly to resentment, grievance, and even desire.

Emotional freedom, on the other hand, is the ability to ride the waves of pain and pleasure without getting mired in either. Although this may seem like a special talent possessed by only a few, it is a process and a learnable skill. In this issue of Namaste, we invite you to explore the tools of emotional freedom...

In the yogic tradition, mudras are hand postures that direct the subtle flow of energy or prana throughout the body. Joining the hands and fingers in various configurations creates a circuit that allows energy to flow to different parts of the body and brain. Each mudra has a specific purpose, such as healing, deepening awareness, or rejuvenation.

To form the Kapittahaka Mudra or "Smiling Buddha" mudra - tuck your ring and pinky finger inside your palms. Rest your thumbs over the tucked fingers. Keep the index and middle fingers next to teach other and extended. Hold your elbows in towards your body, keeping about a 30 degree angle between upper arms and forearms. Breathe deeply and relax.

Kapitthaka mudra is said to open the flow of energy to the heart, release emotional toxicity, and promote emotional well-being and serenity."

For those of us coming from a Christian tradition, it is interesting to note how many pictures of Christ portray him with this gesture or mudra.

"When we can accept all of life's contradictions,
when we can comfortably flow
between the banks of pleasure and pain,
experiencing them both while getting stuck in neither,
then we are free."
- Deepak Chopra

Embodying the Light III

Even in the midst of a busy day running errands, I found time to go to the river and launch Grace for the first time in a week at nearly 4 PM in the afternoon. The day was breezy and cloudy, but beautiful - as it always is - and quiet. I am amazed at how often I go to the river and do not find others there. Paddling was effortless, like delightful gliding, and meditating as I floated downstream did not disappoint!

Yesterday I noted how the ego resists embodiment as discussed by Stephan Bodian in his book, Wake Up Now. Today I will focus on what he suggests for supporting the embodiment process:

"...Full and complete embodiment is available right here and now when you let go, stop resisting and controlling life (including the so-called embodiment process), and allow everything to be just the way it is...

You can't 'do' letting go - it just happens naturally as the light of awakening illuminates the innumerable places where you're still holding on. If there's any strategy, it's this: Stay awake!

'Who is aware of this right now? Who am I really?' In an instant, you may find yourself out of the process, once again expanded, spacious, awake, and non-reactive...

In general, the path of embodiment asks that you live your understanding from moment to moment...

Every time Byron Katie found herself 'velcroing' to a thought, as she put it, she noticed that she began to suffer again. [See Byron Katie's The Work].

With the awakening of the heart, the dry, detached perspective of the disengaged witness, which still involves a subtle separation between self and other, dissolves into the unconditional love that includes and embraces everything without exception...

Sometimes people who have practiced meditation for years before awakening have an easier time recognizing and embracing the shift in identity that awakening brings. But such seasoned meditators may also hold on stubbornly to their spiritual beliefs and have a more difficult time letting go and letting truth take its course..."

This book is worth reading, and this chapter is chock full of nuggets of wisdom that are obvious and yet will take further reflection to unpack and - "embody" (no pun intended!)

Embodying the Light II

It was good to go down to the river if only for a few minutes this morning and visit very familiar ground. It was very breezy and the water was choppy, which made me feel better about not being able to go in. I had a very busy day ahead.

In Wake Up Now: A Guide to the Journey of Spiritual Awakening - Stephan Bodian notes how the ego resists embodiment. As a therapist, he explains the role and function of the ego and how it can circumvent our awakening process and our ability to live authentic spiritual lives from a place of integrity.

"Pay attention and you'll notice how often you resist what is and try to get things to be different from the way they are. With friends and family, you may monitor your words and actions to make sure you elicit the love and approval you crave...Moving through your day, you may control the environment constantly to maintain the most comfortable state of body and mind...

...As awakening deepens and spreads and you live more and more consistently from the awakened perspective, the ego may relax its hold even further as it realizes that life continues just as effectively - even turns out to be infinitely more satisfying and harmonious - when you let go and let life live through you.

Most of the time, however, the ego will stubbornly continue to maintain control over certain areas of your life, even after you've awakened...

Trust is the core issue here: Egos are programmed to distrust... If you've experienced repeated betrayals of trust in the form of disappointment, abandonment, or abuse, your ego may hold on for dear life because it doesn't trust the ground of being to support you...

Once you awaken, you realize that the belief that life is a battle is merely a construct created by the mind and perpetuated by the ego. You could say the ego is the screenwriter, director, producer, and star in the movie called Life, but none of it has to do with you...Either way, the love that you are ultimately embraces the ego as a devoted servant tha has mistakenly assumed the role of master."

More tomorrow...

Embodying the Light

Stephan Bodian, has a wonderful chapter in his book - Wake Up Now: A Guide to the Journey of Spiritual Awakening - titled - "Embodying the Light." I finally came around to finishing this book, having chosen to "savor" the final chapters. The trip to Palm Springs gave me the opportunity to finish this book and read Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor's My Stroke of Insight, which I will write about at some point.

The chapter in question in Bodian's book begins with this this wonderful quote that I think summarizes what many of us need to learn and "embody" if we are to live without suffering in our lives:

"When I cease to own (physical or emotional pain),
I liberate myself from its bondage
and see it simply as it is."
- Tony Parsons

I've chosen to highlight some of the sections of this chapter that I found particularly significant:

"Many seekers think of spiritual awakening as an instantaneous transformation that emerges fully formed and never develops or deepens...Even those who practice for years to attain enlightenment expect it to occur once and for all and ever after, like the happy ending in a fairy tale...

More often, however, the initial awakening is more subtle and tentative - like a flickering candle that barely dispels the darkness rather like the midday sun...You may keep forgetting who you are, and the light of this self-recognition may not be powerful or clear enough to penetrate to every area of your life...

The reality is that awakening generally occurs instantaneously but the process of transformation that awakening initiates is often quite gradual and may take a lifetime...

In the light of awakening, many people find that their old identities and their accumulated beliefs about themselves and others no longer hold any meaning and gradually drop off like ripe fruit from a tree...Or you may find that old, unresolved emotions such as resentment or grief start bubbling to the surface to be faced and released...

When the truth of your being is fully embodying itself from moment to moment, you're no longer struggling to maintain control of your life. Instead, you're surrendering to the current, at one with the flow, and life is living itself without effort or conflict...You welcome what is just the way it is, because everything is experienced as inseparable from you, and you find profound contentment in the realization that this timeless moment is perfect and complete exactly as it is...

Ultimately, the process of embodiment demands that you live with integrity in the true sense - that is, in alignment with the deepest truth of your being...When you life in harmony and attunement with the movement of the whole, responding to situations with the knowing that everything both 'inside' and 'outside' you is an expression of who you really are, you're living in integrity...

Financial issues may keep disturbing you until you relax your survival fears and remember that your true nature can never be destroyed..."

There is enough to digest here. This chapter brought clarity to a number of experiences and questions I have had for a long time. More tomorrow...

Joshua Tree

We traveled to Joshua Tree National Park - where the Mojave Desert collides with the Colorado Desert - joining together as extensions of the greater Sonoran Desert - which embraces Arizona and Mexico as well.

It is a place of great silence and relentless sun - and it is very different from any of the parks I have ever seen - so many different and fragile eco-systems. The park is populated by a grand collection of Joshua Trees - very unique, and slow growing, as well as many varieties of yucca plants, and rock formations that are grand and overwhelming at times.

I found myself letting go of everything that had been pressing upon me for a while as I entered fully and deeply into the present moment and felt genuinely happy for the first time in a long while. Nature never ceases to amaze me. Every landscape is a unique canvas for the magnificent artistry of God.

"Happiness cannot be traveled to,
owned, earned, worn, or consumed.
Happiness is the spiritual experience
of living every minute with love,
grace, and gratitude."

Ol' Blue Eyes

My husband had a meeting today in what was once Frank Sinatra's compound in Palm Springs. In the afternoon, I joined him and others for a private tour of the place. It was fascinating indeed!

When Sinatra sold the place, he sold it with all its contents - and all his movie and music memorabilia as well. The walls of the many buildings in the compound were almost totally covered with posters, playbills, paintings of his friends, framed disks and album jackets. Sinatra's book collection was very telling as well. He had a fine collection of art books and enjoyed reading Michner and Morris L. West. One of the buildings had been transformed into an art studio and many of his own creations were framed.

The people in the group were more interested in seeing the room the Marilyn Monroe stayed in - complete with some of her dresses, shoes, and accessories hanging in a glass enclosed closet.

I found other things more interesting - such as the plaque on the door to Sinatra's bathroom. It contained this simple verse, that I know was once scrawled in a wooden bunker in Auschwitz:

"I believe in the sun -
even when it is not shining.
I believe in God -
even when He is silent."

This, perhaps - told me more about this man that anything else in that house. It was a beautiful reminder of what is ultimately important.

Stuck in San Francisco

I should have been in Palm Springs by now. Unfortunately, the plane to San Francisco had mechanical difficulties and we had to switch planes after waiting on the plane for two hours. We missed our connection and were initially routed to Vegas - and then to Los Angeles before going on to Palm Springs. So much for a day there before my husband's meetings! It's made for a day of a lot of waiting!

As I was reading the "Home" section of the Washington Post this morning, my eye caught an article talking about painting a room yellow:

"Yellow is a color emblematic of transition...Yellow is a feel-good color..."

Humm...I sort of knew that...

Mellow Yellow

I spent the afternoon painting my bathroom the brightest, most intense yellow you have probably ever seen. One way my son describes it is as "highligher yellow." The other way he describes it is not fit for print.

Painting is very therapeutic and healing. I often do it when I need to shift things inwardly. Or, as a result of shifting things, painting will often follow.

Painting also draws one deeply into the present moment - the only moment there ever is...

"Why not concentrate on the now
instead of hoping for better times in the future?
Why not understand the now
instead of forgetting it and hoping for the future?
Isn't the the future just another trap?"
- Anthony De Mello

"Nothing is worth more than this day.
You cannot relive yesterday.
Tomorrow is still beyond your reach."
- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

The River is Wider

I got to the river later in the morning, hoping to beat the anticipated rain. The river was wider - but also very murky. It was hard to see inside of it. But once again, I was there by myself.

I can't begin to explain what it is like to be there - in the middle - to hold a blue heron's gaze - and hear nothing but an occasional fish flap in the water, the buzzing of insects, and various bird calls. Going to the river as much as possible - even for an hour - has become an imperative.

Grace was absolutely filthy when I pulled her out. I spent some time cleaning her up today. The murky water reflected to some extend how I have been feeling inside. Yet being in the river is always calming and grounding and a constant reminder of how lucky I am to be able to come and enjoy this beautiful landscape all by myself.

Respecting the River

Early this morning before going off to teach, I stopped off at the river. Because of all the rains, the rocks I normally sit on were totally submerged. On the other hand, the river was as still, and calm, and wide as I had seen it. When I first got there, it was misty and foggy on the other side, but then it gradually lifted. The water was like a plate of glass and I longed to get inside of it.

I did finally get into the river around 2:30 PM for about an hour. When I first got there, I heard a man instructing a couple of other guys in Spanish on how to use jet skies. But what impressed me was how he tried to convey a respect for the river. He emphasized a few times, how a lack of respect, particularly when using jet skies, could lead to a lethal situation.

He also noted how important it is to note the conditions of the river - something I try to gauge before going into the water myself. Knowing one's limitations and strengths are very important. And of course, playing it safe is also wise and prudent.

These are lessons that are important, not only in the water, but in life itself.

I paddled up to my favorite spot in the river - where it forks past an island I like to explore. Before meditating briefly, I thought of the fork as symbolic of the different paths we take in life. Lately, as I reflect on the many changes and decisions I have made, I find myself second guessing myself - wondering if the decisions and choices were the right ones. Of course, only time can truly answer that. But as I looked at both side of the river along the island I have partially explored - I asked myself once more which path should I take.

Finally, I just surrendered and thought and prayed to myself: "Your will be done - not mine. Show me the way. Show me the way..."

Seek Only Union

Yesterday I had both the pleasure and the honor of officiating at a friend's wedding. She is a beautiful and magnificent yogini and yoga teacher. We had to go with the flow and change plans because it had rained all day due to Hurricane Hannah.

While I waited for preparations to be completed, I spoke to the bride's dad for a while. He shared with me how he lives near Lake Michigan and I discovered he bought a kayak around the same time that I bought Grace. He was extremely interested in knowing how I felt the very first moment I pushed off into the water - his questions were probing and exacting - he wanted me to explain what I felt and what I experienced in detail. No one had asked me this before, and I found myself telling him things that were so deep within me. We also shared our experiences of being in the rhythm and the flow with the bodies of water we both visited, and how effortless paddling can be when you let go and surrender and find your stride.

Shortly afterward, the rain did stop and the clouds parted, and we were able to have the wedding outside after all. The groom later noted, that because we were able to be in the moment and adapt to it - and go with the flow - things worked out wonderfully and we had the ceremony outdoors as originally planned.

It was a beautiful wedding - full of meaning and visible emotions and feeling - and the vows written by the bride and groom were the most exquisite I had ever heard. They were so honest and penetrating. The bride began with this poem. I do not know its origin or source:

"I love you without knowing how,
or when, or where.
I love you straightforwardly,
without complexities or pride;
so I love you
because I know no other way than this:
Where 'I' does not exist,
nor 'You,' so close than your hand
on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close
as I fall asleep."

I reflected for a long time on those words, and as the bride uttered them, gazing into her Beloved's eyes - they were both consumed by this beautiful and pure love they had for one another.

After the ceremony outside, where the bride and groom were surrounded by friends and loved ones toasting, the celebration continued inside and a wonderful time was had by all.

I had a chance to spend time with the Matron of Honor - a beautiful young yogini and yoga teacher in her own right - who was once a student of mine - and with her husband, a special young man so full of light, with whom I meditate from time to time, since we both belong to the same lineage. It was wonderful to reconnect with people that by God's grace, had been brought together again.

The bride, her attendant, and myself, had seriously started our dedication to yoga in the same place - but we had all taken very different turns in our paths. The bride chose to dedicate herself to Baron Baptiste's style of yoga, and her friend chose to follow and study with Shiva Rea. And I of course, chose to dedicate myself to Anusara Yoga as envisioned by John Friend. Of course, none of this matters. We are all practitioners of yoga, and our own experiences are further enriched and deepened by knowing and respecting, and sharing with one another.

Truly, the paths are many, but the Truth - and the Source are One. The experience of this wedding and reconnecting with friends, including a few others that were present, was a reminder to seek and experience only Union. This is the goal of our lives...

Prana

Yesterday I mentioned prana briefly.

The latest newsletter from the Chopra Center has this quote and this to say about prana:

"Are you looking for me?
I am in the next seat.
When you really look for me
You will find me instantly.
You will find me in the tiniest house of time.
Kabir says: Student, tell me,
what is God?
He is the breath inside the breath.
- Kabir

"In Vedantic philosophy, prana is the life-sustaining force tha flows through our bodies...In Sanskrit, prana means breath. And it is our breath - each breath - that keeps us in constant dynamic change with the Universe. This energetic life force that moves in us, out of us, within us, and through us, is ever present in our extended bodies as well, swirling with the wind, exploding with the surf, swaying with the trees, and rolling through the blades of grass. Prana exists in every being and every piece of this planet that has life within it."

As I listen to the rain softly beating down on this overcast Saturday morning, it too, reminds me of the life force. In a couple of days everything will be green once again.

For a more detailed explanation of prana and pranayama and its techniques, read this newsletter:

www.chopra.com/namaste/sept08

Aligning with Grace in the River

Today I went and bought a seasonal pass for the river so I won't have to pay the launch fee every time I go into the water. Wanting to get my money's worth, I headed out to put Grace in the water this afternoon. Besides, Hurricane Hannah is supposed to make landfall and come through the area tomorrow, and it may be some days before I get a chance to get back in.

Earlier in the day, I spoke to a yogini friend who was inspired to go out and buy a kayak herself. She too, lives near Algonkian Park where I access the Potomac River. Buying a kayak was something my friend had wanted to do for a long time.

I recently ordered bumper stickers and a hat embossed with my web site's logo - "Aligning with Grace." My husband laughed and said - "You are really getting into this marketing thing!" I placed one of the bumper stickers on my car, and another right on Grace's front deck as a reminder that my time on the river is more than just a sport - it is a meditative practice and an invitation to align with grace.

This week, as I taught yoga in my new studio to students brand new to the discipline of yoga - I introduced them to the First Anusara Yoga Universal Principle of Alignment - "Opening to Grace," which I have written about extensively on this blog.

As I explained this principle to my new students, I had them connect it to their experience of the breath. I invited them to consciously bring their awareness to their inhalations and exhalations - and thus open to the life force within them - and to invite this life force - prana - to animate not only their bodies - but their very souls and lives as well.

As a result, I found myself reflecting on the beauty of this principle and of living in and with grace.

This beautiful quote from John Friend, the founder of Anusara Yoga is a wonderful explanation of grace:

"Know that grace has the power to transform everything you aspire to.
So aspire to the highest, and offer yourself to that grace.
Grace will hold you every step of the way.
Anusara is a path of grace."

These thoughts held my heart and soul captive on the water...

Effort and Surrender

A common theme that is used in Anusara Yoga classes is effort and surrender. In a lunge for example - you inhale, hug to the midline and charge your back leg with muscular energy - and then you exhale - and soften, surrendering to the square of the front knee, drawing your hip crease back and extending from your core - the focal point of the energy which first draws in and then draws out - moving the heart forward and lengthening the back leg. Effort must preceed surrender. And you cannot have one without the other.

I thought of this as I paddled in the river this morning. I went farther upstream than I ever had and found that it required less effort on my part than it has previously.

It was a beautiful morning, and for at least an hour there was no one the river beside myself. After paddling up the third island and trying to see how far it went, I reached a pre-determined spot and then turned back until I reached my favorite place in the middle of an "H" - where I could see both the Virginia and Maryland shores - being equidistant between them and two islands - the "H" being the shape of the river so to speak. This is the place where I love to meditate and allow myself to let go and float down the river.

This is the place that is my "reward" - I paddle to this point and then I experience the surrender that follows my effort. I close my eyes and release to the whims and gentle currents of the river. When I finally open them I am often surprised as to where I end up or what direction Grace is facing.

Life is like that - just like our practice is like that - be it an asana practice or a meditation practice. There are times we need to exert effort. There are also times we over-effort. But when we surrender to the flow - we find a gentle rhythm. Practice becomes easier - as does paddling.

But why is this so difficult to learn? And why does this lesson have to be learned again and again?

I was reminded how we live in playground of constant lessons and experiences we are meant to have. We may not know the reasons why, but in my heart of hearts I know there is a Divine plan to everything that is experienced under the sun.

The River and the Labyrinth

What a different place the river is when summer officially ends!

The air was crisp, and when I arrived at the parking lot, there was not a car or a person in sight.

I was a little disoriented at first. The water levels had risen, so the rocks I normally sit on were partially submerged. Yet, it was so peaceful. The river looked like a plate of glass and the sky, the clouds, and the trees were reflected in it.

I could hear the joy and freedom in every bird singing back and forth on both sides of the river. I could not bear to leave after my meditations, but I needed to go teach. On my way out one lone kayaker arrived and I simply said to him: "You have the river all to yourself." He smiled broadly in simply acknowledgment. We shared a moment of deep knowing: We both sought the same solace here.

Around noon I headed off to walk the labyrinth, something I have hardly found the time to do this year. I met a friend who is a member of the church where I walk the labyrinth, and then we met up with someone she knows and whom I have met before.

I entered the labyrinth, very mindful of how it is a metaphor for our path in life. And while I could see where that path would take me, I walked it with a sense of restlessness and no direction - not really feeling like I knew where I was going.

The center was peaceful as it always is. I wanted to stay there forever, recalling the headstand and handstand I had done there the last couple of times I had walked it.

My friend's friend is a kayaker and was also at one point a yoga teacher - so over lunch we spoke of these shared experiences acknowledging how we were both drawn to the more contemplative dimensions of both practices.

In truth, it was a wonderful way to usher in a new season, new undertakings, and bring closure to the summer and the past.

New Beginnings

Today, I take a moment to breathe as I prepare to embark on a new journey and usher in a new month...

Tomorrow, I open to grace and let go...

Today, I prepare...

Tomorrow, I step into a new studio to teach...

Today, I make an offering of my heart...

Tomorrow, I offer my soul...

Today, I meditate in anticipation and give gratitude...

Tomorrow, I teach in a new place and a new way, and walk the labyrinth...

Today is tomorrow and tomorrow is today...

There is no past and no future...

Only this moment to which I have been led...