Reiki Dance

I am so full from three days of doing spiritual practice with a group of 20 wonderful souls - for eight hours a day - and from being in the presence of my Reiki teacher for that time as well...

I cannot begin to describe the experience, but will include a poem I wrote about the weekend.

The Reiki that Frans Stiene, my Reiki teacher shares, is Japanese and Buddhist in origin, and very different from our Western forms and understandings of Reiki. It is all about spiritual practice and self development - and going into that space of Oneness.

As Frans reminded us:

"Spiritual practice is about connecting to your essence,
which is a river of energy.
Awakening never ends.
There are layers and layers of awakening."

Taking the Shinpiden class the first time will radically change the way you think about Reiki. If you already have a spiritual practice, it will make more sense and deepen it. But practicing for a year will radically transform your life. You will be taken deeper within, in a way you might not have ever dreamed or imagined...

I feel very full and blessed in ways I cannot begin to articulate. I sense this is only the beginning...

Reiki Dance

your breath
and mine—
your soul
and mine,
your energy
and mine
merge,
becoming One

your light
and mine—
your essence
and mine
comingle,
there is no you
or me—
no this
or that

in that space
where all is One
I feel your light
like a gentle breeze
rustling right through me—
we have no boundaries

emptiness
and fullness dance,
like our energies
merging as One
into a very great
and bright light

For more information on the International House of Reiki, visit:
www.reiki.net.au

Riding the Waves of Grace

My heart is full...

I end one week - and step into a new one - riding the waves and currents of grace...

I have a deep longing to go to the river - so desiring to be one with the water - but in my depths I know I always carry the river in my heart...

I cannot begin to enumerate or share the many blessings received this week - but they are treasures I ponder in my heart...

So many sacred moments, in meditations, initiations, deep practice, and connecting deeply with another precious soul, a magnificent yogini, visiting from out of town, as we marvel at our budding relationship...

I am blessed to spend three days with my Reiki teacher once again - to be in his presence and energy - and to be led more deeply into practice and into my heart and soul...

I cannot describe the many experiences of bliss, and of stepping into the heart and center of the cosmos, pulsating with the Divine...

Everything is happening as it should, and I am exactly where I need to be...

I still carry this empty place within. Maybe it will always be that way - but as this beautiful soul reminded me last night as we talked, nearly until midnight - "That place we must not fill - for that place of emptiness is always for God..."

I am full, riding the waves of grace...

Back on the Water

As I ran some errands this afternoon, I spontaneously decided to go "eye-ball" the river. It was warm and inviting, and the next few days were going to be busy for me.

Noticing that the water was still and calm, I headed back home to get Grace and place her on the water. It felt absolutely euphoric to push away from the landing with the first few strokes and be free on the water once again.

In a few weeks, the trees will be covered with leaves once again, and the broad expanse of the river will no longer be visible in the same way.

For the first time in months, I paddled all the way to that favorite spot of mine between two islands and two states.

A motor boat went by and created some waves that tossed Grace about, and it took a while for them to subside. Then I was passed by a group of men whose conversation I could not help but overhear. They were discussing how many euros a prostitute cost and where to find them. That was NOT what I wanted to hear! As a good friend of mine often says - "Note to self: make sure you get on the river earlier, when the more contemplative crowd tends to come!"

Finally, the waters and my soul settled, and I floated for a long time...

This has been a week of incredible experiences - of being invited to deepen one meditation practice two days ago, and of being initiated into another, last night. It was also a week of healing experiences that signaled a turning point in my own journey. I could not help but marvel at the many blessings that had been bestowed upon me. I have felt the embrace of the Divine very beautifully and strongly.

I wonder what adventures and lessons this river will yield for me in the coming months. I look forward to exploring areas I have not visited before, and connecting with nature more deeply...

But for now, I am content to float as a mere wave upon the river of consciousness...

We are Born of Divine Consciousness

I continue to enjoy reviewing my notes from Paul Muller-Ortega's presentation this weekend...

"You are a walking temple of the Divine...

The body is the place where the Divine manifested as Lord Siva, recognizes himself after losing himself. How did we arrive at our present set of circumstances? Is it because of sin? No - there is a huge vastness of infinite possibilities that seeks to express itself. Siva imposes on himself forgetfulness.

Siva says to himself: May I forget that I am infinitely capable - and therefore permit the arising of the rainbow dance of existence. In that forgetfulness - each of the waves of our individual consciousness arises. We are the product of that forgetfulness which is an act of the will. Every possible form of existence arises in that forgetfulness - including unimaginable sentient beings in other universes.

Why are we here? There is a great purpose to our lives, but it is shrouded in mystery. Why did my individual life wave arise? We must uncover this for ourselves. Someone from the outside can't tell us. Just as there is the dance of forgetfulness - there is also the dance of recognition.

Despair and depression are often the form that the wake up call takes in our lives. Everything falls apart. This is the work of Divine Fire and it is not always so kind - but it is cool in the center - at its core. It causes you to question, deconstruct, and search. You go on a spiritual scavenger hunt - where we take something from here and something from there and produce a "mish mash" of spiritual teachings. We have a tendency to jumble things together.

There is a desire for clarity, and orderliness deep within us - and to setting things in their proper balance - where there is no longer a jumbling of things."

You are a Wave on the Ocean of Consciousness

I continue to read, re-read, imbibe, and immerse myself in the notes from last weekend's workshop with Paul Muller-Ortega. So many gems that touched my heart deeply. I will share some of my notes...

"You are a wave on the ocean of consciousness. A wave is a movement of energy or life force - it is the arising of the universality into a particular expression. You come from parents - and you have bodies that are not only physical, but subtle, and transcendental as well.

Life teaches many life lessons. What is our true home? There is a nostalgia we have for lost paradise. This is an intricate feeling in the heart. It is both sweet and sour. We are wanting to remember a place, time, and person that has been left behind.

We are currently in the midst of a planetary awakening - and just like in our lives - changes are occurring and an awakening is happening. Everything on the outside of our lives is going to change - sometimes it does so slowly - but sometimes it does dramatically. How can I surf through the tsunami waves of change? How do I find myself to be a willing participant in life - rather than a victim? It happens when we live from this very deep place inside of us - the heart - that has to be stabilized.

Where am I truly rooted? In the deepest space of consciousness - as a permanent abiding state - seamlessly one with the place that is no place - where there is no sequence. Can I be so powerfully united with that place that I become someone who can draw from that place - drinking in amrita - the nectar milkshake - so that I remain rock solid in any form of change?

Through real sadhana you become a manifestation of Divine energy that flows through you and supports you in every stage of what you are supposed to blossom into.

In this present moment - may I be at home!"

You are in the Heart - and the Heart is in You.

I have not been able to write for a few days due to a flurry of activities, and the next few days will be equally busy...

I had the amazing gift and opportunity to take a workshop with Paul Muller-Ortega this weekend. He is an internationally known Siva and Sanskrit scholar. This was my third opportunity to imbibe from his wisdom, and I am looking forward to spending a week with him in Denver, and continuing to study the Siva Sutras in greater depth.

At the end of the second day, Paul said this to us:

"You are in the heart - and the heart is in you."

This is the essence of the Tantric teachings. And yet all spiritual paths talk about the heart and it's place in one's spirituality.

As one raised Catholic, I am very comfortable with such images and devotions to the Sacred Heart of Jesus - something that was often very mysterious to Christian friends of other traditions. As a theologian, I immersed myself in the Patristic writings and Desert Mysticism of the early Church - delighting in references to entering the cave of the heart where we encounter the Divine.

In Tantric studies, the heart is not actually a physical space. It is known as "hridaya" - or the Great Heart. This is the place of essence within us - the space of imminent transcendence that is inside of everything. As Paul noted - this is a place that is always breathing and pulsating within us - and where we experience the gleaming luminescence of consciousness.

I thought of this, after a session I had today with an internationally known and very gifted craniosacral therapist. We focused on the heart and the thymus gland, and other places we zeroed in on - working on a very deep cellular level.

Paul spoke of the heart as being always alive, breathing, immortal and incandescent. His discourse was poetic, sensual, and passionate - and I got lost in it.

I used this theme in my classes this week:

"You are in the heart - and the heart is in you."

I was also reminded of stories I read years ago, in The Heart's Code, by Dr. Paul Pearsall, who described fascinating accounts of heart transplant recipients who often inherited the memories, or tastes of the donor - indicating that memory truly resides in our cells - and that the heart is the seat of so much of who we are.

The heart is the playground for the Divine. This is where we live, and breathe, and move - and have our being. The heart invites us to heal and to be most fully who we are meant to be - and when we get lost or feel we are in exile, it guides us back home...

Years ago, in a flash of deep insight, a Soul Name came to me, and it was Antara. I learned it's meaning only recently: "The innermost place in the heart..."

Yes, truly -

"I am in the heart - and the heart is in me..."

Setting Your Heart on Fire II

And here are the remaining invitations described in Setting Your Heart on Fire: Seven Invitations to Liberate Your Life, by Raphael Cushnir:

The Fifth Invitation: Live Like You're Dreaming

In the Fifth Invitation, love calls you to awaken
to the power of your unconscious.
This power leads you to new depths
of personal insight, and infuses your life
with possibility and wonder.

"In dreams and in love
there are no responsibilities."
- Janos Arany

"There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as if everything is."
- Albert Einstein

The Sixth Invitation: Love Like You're Dancing

In the Sixth Invitation, love calls you
to transform all your relationships into a dance
of self-discovery. When dancing together
in unison, through every step and stumble,
each partner reveals the other.

"Dance when you're broken open.
Dance if you've torn the bandage off.
Dance in the middle of the fighting.
Dance in your blood.
Dance when you're perfecty free."
- Rumi

"Love turns one person into two,
and two into one."
- Isaac Abarbanel

The Seventh Invitation: Widen Your World

In the Seventh Invitation, love calls you
to see the earth and its inhabitants as
one interdependent whole.
To serve and sustain that whole
means assessing the global impact
of all your actions.

"The One is none other than the All.
the All is none other than the One."
-Seng Ts'an
The Third Zen Patriarch

"One day I was sitting quiet...
it came to me:
that feeling of being part of everything,
not separate at all.
I knew that if I cut a tree,
my arm would bleed."
- Alice Walker

Setting Your Heart on Fire

Today is the first day of spring, and it is still feeling more like winter, even though the skies have been bright and sunny.

As we prepare for spring, many of us engage in cleaning or making pertinent changes in our lives. The following comes from a book titled, Setting Your Heart on Fire: Seven Invitations to Liberate Your Life, by Raphael Cushnir, a book that was recommended to me by a friend and mentor last summer.

The book begins with this Invocation:

Love, speak to me
Render me willing
Receptive
Humble enough to hear your words
Strong enough to live your light
To meet your gaze in all things
To bless them, join them,
In your sacred heart of hearts

The First Invitation: Feel Everything

In the First Invitation, love calls you to experience
your emotions fully. To do so requires learning
when and why you deny them, and developing
the capacity for reconnection.

"Sometimes we kill our heart
in order not to feel."
- Tennessee Williams

"The master gives himself up to
whatever the moment brings."
- Lao Tse

The Second Invitation: Question Everything

In the Second Invitation, love calls you to
reconsider all your beliefs about yourself,
others, and the world. Whenever you find
that a belief limits your openness,
you're then free to let it go.

"To know is to be ignorant. Not to know
is the beginning of wisdom."
- Krishnamurti

"Often that which is true
will appear false,
and that which is certain, doubtful...
there is scarcely a single truth
of which we can have complete knowledge."
- St. John of the Cross

The Third Invitation: Resist Nothing

In the Third Invitation, love calls you to embrace
all of reality just as it is. This embrace creates a
peaceful relationship with your thoughts,
and lays the groundwork for positive change.

What you resist persists."
- Anonymous

"Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from,
everything we deny, denigrate, or despise,
serves to defeat us in the end.
What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become
a source of beauty, joy and strength,
if faced with an open mind."
- Henry Miller

The Fourth Invitation: Live Like You're Dying

In the Fourth Invitation, love calls you
to make death your constant companion.
The awareness of death helps you
heal old wounds, refine your purpose,
and lead a fearless, authentic live.

"When it's over I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world
into my arms."
- Mary Oliver

To be concluded....

Light a Fire in Your Soul

Recently, I received Jamie Allison's newsletter, which is always very inspirational. Jamie is an Anusara Yoga certified teacher, and a wonderful one at that. The following excerpts come from her newsletter:

"I hope this day delights your heart, inspires your imagination and lights a fire in your soul! A pretty tall order, but what if every day was just like that? I, for one, would be thrilled. I think we all recognize that this kind of enthusiasm doesn't just happen. We have to work at it if we want it.

Paradoxically, joy is our birthright. It is, in fact, the very ground of Being from which we have arisen. Why, then, is it so hard to sustain this joy? We need contrast to revel in the brilliant moments and to truly appreciate the sacredness of this life. We are a part of a very clearly defined mission. The Sacred Supreme is seeking to know Herself. She is eternally Blissful, Perfect and Full, Purnatva. In the realm of the Absolute there is no contrast. She needs us to know Herself.

When you are having that not quite right or down right lousy day, pause in the midst of your misery and allow yourself to remember this. This dark cloak you are wearing is your gown of initiation. It was fashioned just for you to help you to awaken to the wonder that only you can be and only you can recognize and offer.

Your sorrow may hold the keys to your greatest joy. Your frustration may be pointing you to fulfillment beyond your wildest dreams. If you don't like the 'garment' you are wearing today, ask how you might change it. What steps can you take to be 'dressed for dancing?'

This letter was inspired by the sweet song of the first red-winged black bird to arrive at Ananda Tandava. She did not arrive on a glorious spring-like day. She blew in on a terrific wind that has been shaking the house all day. She arrived alone, with the dark clouds and the threats of more winter weather. She arrived to remind me that even when things look dark, even when the cold chill of winter is hanging on, Spring will arrive. Insistent, demanding, look-at-time Spring will come through for all of us. This is Nature's promise and she has never let us down.

Make your promise to Nature. Try to offer your best everyday. Find something to cherish in every moment, even the darkest moments, for they may hold the greatest treasures.

Do I do this everyday? I wish I could honestly say yes, but I can't. I wrestle with my demons. I cry my tears of sorrow. Then nature taps me on the shoulder or hits me over the head, which ever is most effective, and says, 'wake up!' the world is waiting. Yes, the world is waiting. Waiting for each one of us to open to Grace, to decide how we will engage in this blessing of life. Asking how we will refine this gift and then offer it.

The Universal Principles of Alignment of Anusara Yoga have gifted me with this template for living. Anusara Yoga offers an anchor in the storm. These teachings are a path to the heart. Your heart is your personal north star and will guide you to safe harbor and allow you to navigate the seas of life in all types of weather."

For Jamie Allison's website, go to:
www.omzoneyoga.com

Cave in the Snow II

Yesterday, I wrote about Tenzin Palmo, and her experience meditating in a cave in the Himalayas for 12 years of her life. When it came time for her to leave, she traveled to a number of places in the West to lecture on Buddhism and meditation - though she discloses very little about her own personal experiences.

Here is a passage that spoke to me, because it is similar to something I constantly come across in the writings of Paramahansa Yogananda and other sages and Eastern scriptures:

"There is the thought [we have], and then there is the knowing of the thought. And the difference between being aware of the thought and just thinking is immense. It's enormous...Normally we are so identified with our thoughts and emotions, that we are them. We are the happiness, we are the anger, we are the fear. We have to learn to step back and know our thoughts and emotions are just thoughts and emotions. They're just mental states. They're not solid, they're transparent. One has to know that and then not identify with the knower. One has to know that the knower is not somebody."

And this on renunciation:

"The reason we are not Enlightened is because we are lazy. There's no other reason. We do not bother to bring ourselves back to the present because we're too fascinated by the games the mind is playing. If one genuinely thinks about Renunciation it is not a giving up of external things like money, leaving home or one's family. That's easy. Genuine renunciation is giving up our fond thoughts, all our delight in memories, hopes, daydreams, our mental chatter. To renounce that and stay naked in the present, that is renunciation."

On meditation:

"So often there's a fundamental division between the practice and ourselves. The practice remains outside of ourselves. It's very hard for us Westerners to get out of our heads. We approach meditation from the brain only and so we have duality - the subject and the object. The practice has to come down into the heart, it has to go somewhere deep within us. there there is no subject (me) and object (the meditation). We become the meditation. Then there is a transformation at a very profound level."

All of these insights, from a woman who embodied practice more than anyone I have ever read about - and vowed to obtain Enlightenment - no matter how many lifetimes it took - in the body and soul of a female...

Cave in the Snow

I have been able to get a lot of reading in of late, and a couple of nights ago I finished the book, Cave in the Snow - A Western Woman's Quest for Enlightenment, by Vicki Mackenzie. It documents the story of Tenzin Palmo, an Englishwoman who was the first Western woman to be ordained a Buddhist nun. She spent 12 years in a cave meditating, 3 of them without any human contact whatsoever.

This is a book I had been meaning to read for years, and I literally shuffled it from one room of the house to another. Finally, I passed by it last week, and it caught my eye. I picked it up, and couldn't put it down. There is a right time for everything, and since I have spent so much time in meditation and some isolation these last two years, it spoke to me.

After meeting Tenzin Palmo on a retreat, the author, Vicki Mackenzie, asks if she can write her story. Though Tenzin is initially reluctant, she allows it, describing her life in the following manner:

"My life has been like a river, it has flowed steadily in one direction. The purpose of life is to realize our spiritual nature. And to do that one has to go away and practice, to reap the fruits of the path, otherwise you have nothing to give anyone else."

The path of her life, leading to that cave was not easy by any means. She did not have a model she could look to or emulate but instead, tread a path where none had gone before her. When she found her cave, in northern India, at an altitude of over 13,000 feet, she knew instantly this was the place she would meditate in for the next several years.

"It had everything she need. Here, perched like an eagle on the top of the world, she would most definitely not be bothered by the clamour and clutter of human commerce. She would have the absolute silence she yearned for. The silence that was so necessary to her inner search, for she knew, like all meditators, that it was only in the depth of silence that the voice of the Absolute could be heard. She could bury herself in the confines of her cave to pursue her spiritual practices without interruption. She could go out and look at the mountains and the infinite sky. She would see no one..."

She almost died on a few occasions. Once, when supplies were not delivered to her, she almost starved. And at another time - a blizzard walled her in and she was trapped. But yet she remained, without fear, totally dedicated to her practice, meditating 12 hours a day, and even sleeping upright in a meditation posture. She had vowed to reach Enlightenment in a female form, which most Buddhists believe is not possible - however long it took her to do so.

"What is Enlightenment but the heart knowing itself? This is very hard. Just as the eye can see the whole world but cannot see itself, so the heart can know everything but has great difficulty in understanding itself."

More tomorrow...

Endings and Beginnings III

I find myself contemplating endings and beginnings... For the last couple of days, my reflections have focused on this topic.

Last night, before going to bed, having finished one book, and looking for another, I picked up one I had read some time back, when its contents did not harbor the same meaning it now does. The book I took from my bookshelf is titled Sacred Threshold - Crossing the Inner Barrier to a Deeper Love, and it was written by Paula D'Arcy, who embodied and endured her own share of endings and beginnings, in a very brutal way.

I opened the book and read this quote by Ethel Person, a celebrated psychoanalyst:

"Something does not have to end well
for it to have been
one of the most valuable experiences
of a lifetime."

I had never considered that. Instead, I always sought some tidy resolution to events or endings in my own life - especially regarding relationships, as unrealistic as that may be. More often than not, things do not end well. Then it came to me, that a need for tidy resolutions, is really a way for us to remain attached to the person - or situation in question. And of course, I also reflected on Yogananda's reminder that all life is a series of events, drama or life lessons which we are presented with to experience without attachment to them.

When we become attached to others or life events, we no longer connect to the hidden power of the Divine in our lives. Paula D'Arcy created a checklist to remind herself of the many ways she might miss God's Voice in her life...

Guaranteed Ways to Miss the Hidden God:
How to Make Mistakes and Miss the Voice Within

1. LIVE your life at high speed. No exceptions. Run hard.
2. STAY scattered and distracted. The more clutter and activity the better.
3. TAKE everything personally. Never evaluate. Agree.
4. USE blame liberally It's so invigorating. I wasn't responsible, you were. Everything's your fault.
5. DON'T laugh, especially at yourself.
6. STAY tied to your past. Elevate it to greatness. Life remembering and longing. Or missing. Why do it halfway? Go for it.
7. USE the word 'because.' 'I can't change, because.' Because is so little appreciated as a solvent for responsibility. Try using because. This will work.
8. NEVER question or think for yourself. Just keep moving and accepting. (Refer to #1 and #3.)
9. CONTINUE to think of God as invisible and distant. Surely not present in this room. At this moment. Not while I'm reading a book.
10. REINFORCE the belief that your life is going to happen soon. This is not it, not yet. But one day. Maybe when I finish reading.

All of this coming from a woman who lost her husband and young child while pregnant, because of a drunken driver. In one split second - her entire life as she knew it - ended. Such wisdom coming from someone whose life ended and began several times over the course of a few decades until she herself found peace, and turned her energies towards helping others transition during times of great loss.

I thought of John Lennon who wisely noted, that life is what happens while we are making other plans. And, I also thought of the Buddhists who acknowledge that all life is suffering, and experienced as such because we cling to what is. They also know, as did both ancient and modern yogis and yoginis, that everything passes, and nothing endures in the endless stream of lifetimes...

Now my reflections take on a different hue...

Robin in the Snow

I come home from teaching two classes, and notice that a former student of mine, now a disk jockey in Minnesota, is on duty. I stream the live feed from the Internet, and listen to this song, that touches so many parts inside of me...

Spring is trying to peak through, days that tease us with warmth, juxtaposed with days of cold and biting wind, and I think of the three robins I saw earlier this week, dancing in my backyard...

Robin in the Snow

I saw a robin flying in the snow
fluttering low.
Isn't it the season, how could he not know?
It's much too cold

I saw a robin captive to the wind
Time, running thin.
I said, "Dear robin, what a state you're in.
You can't get out again."

And just like that
Simple as the sight of feathered wings
The robin was gone
And only I saw this bird of spring
Sing one very last winter song.

And who will miss you when you're gone?
Who will miss you when you're gone?
I will miss you if you go away.
Please don't leave me here.

Candles burned out right now
Stayed up 'till the wax dripped, to the floor.
I was talking to you, can't seem to let go
So we say one thing more.

You're like rain falling in the evening
Whispering "Darlin' go to sleep."
Oh, the pain, this love that's got me reelin'
Brings me to my knees, so bittersweet.

And who will miss you when you're gone?
Who will miss you when you're gone?
I will miss you if you go away.
Please don't leave me here.

The good, the bad, the in between
Is it all just one impermanent dream?

And here I am, as the sun slinks slowly
In the pale steel sky and where are you?
Are you thinking of me
As the moon above you does rise?

And who will miss me when I am gone?
Who will miss me when I'm gone?
Would you miss me? Should I go away?
I won't leave you here...

- Sonya Kitchell

Inner Guidance

As I meditated this morning, the thought came to me, that when we are connected to Divine Will, we plug into a source of wisdom, which serves as our inner guidance. The more we are connected, the more this guidance serves us.

In the Bhagavad Gita, there are 4 paths to God: The Yoga of Wisdom, of Devotion, of Action, and Meditation. Each one is unique and important in its own right.

There is much that we can do to cultivate this inner wisdom or guidance, but the most important thing we can do is to give ourselves the time to rest in God in the practice of meditation. The more we sit, and dedicate our time to this path, the less we tend to err or avoid opportunities where we are misguided or ruled by human will rather than Divine Will.

Paramahansa Yogananda, in the spiritual reading for the day, notes that the more we are attuned to Divine Will, the more we avoid instances of misery.

Several times in the last couple of weeks, wisdom has been cited to me as an important attribute to cultivate, and one which my practice and experiences are taking me much deeper into.

May this day provide opportunities to cultivate the wisdom that comes from aligning with Divine Will - that fortified, we may avoid the conflicts of human life that can try and even erode the beacon of inner guidance.

Forgiving the Unforgivable

Recently, I finished reading the book - Left to Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust, by Immaculee Ilibagiza, whose whole family, except for one brother, was brutally murdered during three months of genocide in Rwanda. She survived by being hidden, along with 6 other women, in a very small bathroom in the house of a pastor, where none could truly sit or lie down. She went in weighing 115 lbs., and came out weighing 65 lbs.

The people who murdered her family and tried so unsuccessfully to hunt her down, were life long friends and neighbors she had grown up with. Even her childhood friends turned their backs on her because she did not belong to the right tribe. One of her brothers was hacked to death by friends, because other friends disclosed his whereabouts.

Even in the midst of this, Immaculee survives and does what is almost unimaginable - she forgives the unforgivable.

I thought of this, as I rode to my yoga class today. Like Immaculee, I could not understand how people you have loved and trusted for years can turn their backs on you. During the many months she was in that bathroom, she survived by praying 12 hours or more a day, until she experienced her anger dissipate. The killers came to the house many times, but a wooden wardrobe was placed over the door to the bathroom, and while the whole house was turned upside down, the wardrobe was never moved. Immaculee received a vision where Jesus told her she would survive, but that her family would not. Yet, she was also assured that they were happy in their present state, and full of joy.

After leaving this prison she was in for months, she still had a number of dangerous encounters where she almost lost her life. While in a camp guarded by French soldiers, she learned the horrors of how each and every one of her family members met their brutal end.

Immaculee came from a family of very devout Catholic educators, widely known for their many good deeds - sometimes her parents even paid for the education of other individuals from their own salaries - and some of them participated in the very deaths of their benefactors. It was the death of her most beloved brother that was the most brutal one to read in the book.

After the genocide, she found out where the remains of her favorite brother and mother had been lain to rest, in shallow graves. She herself, participated in the exhumation of her brother, needing to look at his bones, to assure herself of his death. Both sets of remains were placed in coffins, and properly buried on the property of her destroyed home...

Later, Immaculee goes to prison to see the man who led the gangs that killed her family. He had been a friend of her father. When she looked upon him, she saw that he was a broken down man who could not look her in the eye. But she looked at him with compassion, and simply said: "I forgive you."

When she left, the man in charge of the prison was furious with her. "How could you forgive him?"

And she responded, "Forgiveness is all I have to offer."

I read these words, late in the evening a few nights ago. It was the only time I totally lost it while reading this book. I found I had to steel myself to get through it, though the simplicity and strength of her faith was so beautiful and moving throughout the gruesome account.

She writes, that it is impossible to know how long it will take a broken heart to heal, but in two years time, she met a wonderful man and went on and had two beautiful children.

She concludes by saying that the love of a single heart can make a world of difference. Now Immaculee goes around telling her story to all who will hear.

After I finished the book, and lay down to sleep, I said to myself in the darkness, if she can forgive the unforgivable - forgive those who exterminated her family - then truly - there is nothing that I cannot forgive...I thought of those I had perhaps forgiven once - maybe half-heartedly, and thought to myself - you must forgive them - again, and again, and again...

I pondered all of these things in my heart, in the early evening, as I went down to the river. I needed to ground, and there is no better way for me to do this than to visit the river. The river is a constant friend - and is always there - rain or shine. It was biting cold and no one was around. The water was also very still. It reminded me - that even in the face of great turmoil - our hearts must remain still and grounded in the Divine, as my yoga teacher reminded us to do today.

There are many layers to forgiveness. And as I prayed several nights ago, and as I drove to class late this morning, I was moved to forgive, yet again. We can forgive, even when we still feel the sting or the pain of having been wronged because it releases us from bondage. But mostly, we must forgive, because it frees us to love more deeply...

Numerology

Numbers are significant. And the last few weeks I have been seeing a pattern of various kinds of repetitions...

Lately, I have seen a lot of 444's and 888's...

Recently, I came across a newsletter that indicated that seeing a lot of 444's had to do with setting foundations. I liked that. So, I started to think that what I am doing right now is setting foundations for what is to come in my life.

And 888 - has to do with abundance. I liked that even better!

Yesterday, throughout the course of my day - the repetition of several numbers just jumped at me.

As I had breakfast with a friend yesterday, I told her how in the morning I had noticed that I had made a total of 444 blog entries since I began writing. When I picked up the bill, the amount came to: $22.22.

My odometer recently has been sporting all kinds of 888's in various configurations.

When I came home - I had one phone call on my recorder left at 11:11 AM.

Last night I sent off an email to a friend telling her about all these numbers I was seeing, and the email left my mailbox at 11:11 PM.

I often see the numbers 11:11 on a clock. Today I had an email that came in at 12:12 - another combination I often see, in addition to 555.

My husband was born on 9/9/54. The last number sums up 9 when added together. Nine is significant of completion.

For someone that is severely math impaired, I am fascinated by these kinds of things. For those of a more metaphysical nature, the study of numbers and their various combinations, often makes for a very passionate and interesting study.

See if any particular combination jumps at you!

Basking in the Afterglow of Mahasamadhi Blessings

It is a day of many blessings...

I go into altered space and time, and receive sacred messages and special gifts, from the beyond, through the grace of a dearly beloved intuitive...

Everything looks surreal - and ethereal - I am in a place that is here - but not here - and there is a deep knowing in the affirmations given and received...

These messages are meant to be pondered and meditated on, for they will continue to unfold in ways I can hardly begin to surmise...

Gifts exchanged, writings - and insights conveyed - reminiscent of the gifts shared between Mary and Elizabeth...

Clarity is given, and a perspective is gained - which could not have occurred in this way - even a few weeks ago...

I have concluded two days of Mahasamdhis, and today is the Full Moon...My last meeting with this gifted friend was on the Full Moon in November, which was also my birthday - a day I stepped into the river - and into my soul's transition even more deeply...

I have no sense of the passage of time and the day becomes one of introspection and deep gratitude for all blessings bestowed...

I ended one day, and stepped into this day with great insight as I drifted off to sleep, moved to forgive everyone I needed to forgive, and with a greater clarity and insight into why things are - and the knowledge that all trials and tribulations are meant to lead us more deeply into the arms of the Divine...

My spirit rejoices and my body dances, embraced in the Cosmic Dance of the Lord...

So many signs given - in numerology - in messages conveyed from the beyond by different individuals - all pointing to where I am going and from where I have come...

I am grateful for all the outpourings of companionship on so many levels - both physical and spiritual - and the support that both dimensions provide...

I go to the river to breathe in the air and take in the breathtaking serenity that I often find there...

As I get ready to leave, I meet a whitewater kayaker, and we share our experiences of needing and wanting to be one with the river. I marvel at how I am there at precisely the right moment for us to meet, and realize in mere seconds that we speak the same language of spirit...

We speak of traveling to Banff, Montana, national parks, and majestic places - and exploring nature - and he invites me to consider doing things and visiting places I have not entertained. I drive home amazed at a deep soul connection made unexpectedly, not once, but twice today, at the river, and at the grocery store earlier, as the cashier and I rejoiced in kindnesses extended to her amidst great personal trials, acknowledging how we really are all one...

I think of how I began this morning after my meditation, with an invitation to participate in an online discussion group of healers dedicated to the healing power of waters, and more connections to experiences in my life and events in this day are evident...

At dusk, someone posts a video, titled, "River Surround" and I marvel at how it captures the essence of much that I have felt on the river. Yes, the river heals, in more ways than one...

Blessings abound everywhere if one has the eyes to see, and ears to hear. So much more that I could say, but like Mary, in the scriptures, I will ponder these things in my heart...

(For "River Surround," visit:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7wxAZDiNnU&eurl

Mahasamadhi Blessings II

Today is the Mahasamadhi of Sri Yukteswar, who is Paramahansa Yogananda's guru, and I recall the incredible opportunity I had to meditate with other devotees a year ago, on this day. It was a day in which I was showered with many blessings...

This day also holds other memories for me, of a surgery that occurred four years ago on this day, and of a relationship that began to deepen in tandem...

The day is beautiful - sunny and breezy, and I began it at dawn by meditating, and reading a couple of my favorite passages where Yogananda quotes his guru's sayings to him. They warm my heart and soul every time I read them:

"I will be your friend from now to Eternity,
no matter whether you are on the lowest mental plane
or on the highest plane of wisdom.

I will be your friend even if you should err,
for then you will need my friendship
even more than at any other time."

"Grieve not for me...
You and I shall smile together,
so long as our two forms
appear different in the maya-dream of God.
Finally, we shall merge as one
in the Cosmic Beloved;
our smiles shall be His smile,
our unified song of joy
vibrating throughout eternity
to be broadcast to God-tuned souls!"

These words bring such solace to me, for I too, look forward to that moment in time with I shall merge with loved ones in the Ocean of the Cosmic Beloved's Heart. It is what truly sustains me in this life and brings joy to my heart...

I write these words, on a new computer...On the Mahasamadhi of Yogananda, my old computer died, just as I finished my posting...I realized it was time to do the inevitable and replace it. Yesterday I went out and got a new one, and transferred all my old files in that day between the two bookend experiences of Mahasamadhi blessings.

Today, I step forward in new energy, and a new dawn. I asked for many special blessings, not so much for myself, but for loved ones in need, and for one dear soul in particular, facing what may be be a pivotal time in her practice, that she may receive all the insights she needs to forge ahead, and continue to shine her light...

Blessings, to all, on such an auspicious day!

Mahasamadhi Blessings

I intend to wake up in the middle of the night to meditate, in celebration of Paramahansa Yogananda's Mahasamadhi, commemorating his conscious exit from the body, which very enlightened yogis and masters are able to do...

But I sleep better than I have in a long time, so I cannot be roused. Instead, I awaken in the early morning, and meditate in that sacred time when the night yields its spirit into the new dawn...

I hear birds in the background as the sun rises, and I sit for longer than I have in a long time...

This is a time for the bestowal of special blessings, so I lay my requests at the feet of God and guru, reflecting on these words of Yogananda:

"The friendship that exists between guru
and the disciple is eternal.
There is complete surrender,
there is no compulsion,
when a disciple accepts
the guru's training."

"My body shall pass
but my work shall go on.
And my spirit shall live on.
Even when I am taken away
I shall work with you
for the deliverance of the world
with the message of God.
Prepare yourselves for the glory of God.
Change yourselves with the flame of Spirit."

On this sacred day, I am asked to render a report on my meditation practice, to ascertain where I am on my journey, before I may be guided to advance further. It is a blessing, and to receive this on this day is nothing sort of auspicious.

I seek to make as many moments in my day as centered on the Divine as is possible, so that some day, I too, may fully embody Yogananda's prayer and utmost desire:

"From the depths of slumber,
As I ascend the spiral stairway of wakefulness,
I whisper:
God! God! God!

Every night, in time of deepest sleep,
My peace dreams and calls: Joy! Joy! Joy!
And my joy comes singing evermore:
God! God! God!

In waking, eating, working, dreaming, sleeping,
Serving meditating, chanting, divinely loving,
My soul constantly hums, unheard by any:
God! God! God!"

An Anticipation of Spring

The day dawns beautifully and magnificently, and I drive, for the first time in months, to meet friends I worked with a decade ago, with my window down...

I breathe in the wonderful air bursting with prana - the very life force of God, its freshness, heralding the anticipation of spring...

I enjoy shared laughter over a fine meal, and re-connect with vibrant spirits I have not seen in a while, remembering the fun we have had in the past...

I come home, and go on a wonderful walk, the sun shining not only in my body, but in my heart, as I register, not only the anticipation of the coming spring, but the celebration tomorrow, of Paramahansa Yogananda's Mahasamadhi. I look forward to meditating on the anniversary of his transition...

In one week, we have gone from receiving several inches of snow, to having a teaser of the coming season. March comes in like a lion - will it leave like a lamb?

The snow is mostly gone, but there are little puddles of it here and there. I reverently bend down and touch the coldness of one small white patch, hidden in a spot that the sun's rays does not reach it...Tomorrow it may not be there, dying as a result of warmer temperatures, to give birth to new rising, and the new emerging season...

"The rose garden of love
is rising from the world's agony."
- Rumi

And I too, arise, from the agony of my soul's long dark night...

The River, Music, and Shri

Haunting melodies of a liturgical nature, written by Arvo Part, an Estonian, fill my senses, as the sun goes down, on what has been an exquisite day, filled with blissful meditation, a joyful class, and re-connecting with friends...

I begin my walk with "Salve Reginas, " and am transported to sacred time and space by music that is evocative of Byzantine chants, composed in minor keys, dissonance rendered harmonious at times, so captivating, and I lament that I can no longer sight read music, or indeed, read it at all...

I visit the river in the early afternoon, and watch two kayakers launch, with barely any ice visibly clinging to the river banks. I look on longingly, and know that soon, the river and I will enter more profoundly into our dance and dialogue, and in its waters I will unravel more lessons, that now simply await patiently...

I am grateful for my new teacher, and realize that for the first time, in a year and half, I am blossoming in her class, as my body feels better and stronger under her wise guidance. I delight in recalling how she used me in class to demo, and remarked on my embodiment of "shri" - the beauty of the pose, manifested through the engagement of Anusara Yoga's Universal Principles of Alignment...

I am grateful for the many blessings of this week, the incredible session with a talented therapist, the gifts received in my personal spiritual practice, the opportunity to meditate with a group, and the coming Mahasamadhis of not one, but two gurus in my meditation lineage, which I know, will also bestow more blessings...

I marvel at so many opportunities received as I continue to lay the foundation for what is to come in my life, and I think of the scriptural teaching - that to whom much is given, much is also asked - and I know I have experienced both extremes of giving and receiving, totally and completely...The experiences of pain and grief I lived through in the last year or so, are mere drops of water in the eternity of this river...

I am blessed to be at the river, just as I am also blessed to go on an early evening walk, delighting in the anticipation of what is to come, rejoicing in what is, still remembering what was, and fully present in all that is unfolding...

"Man cannot discover new oceans
unless he has the courage
to lose sight of the shore."
- Andre Gide

Inspirations II

As I organized piles of papers today, in a lame attempt at some preliminary spring cleaning, I came across these various quotes that I had been saving...

"If each of us sweeps
in front of our own steps,
the whole world would be clean."
- Goethe

"It is by failure that a lover
stays aware of how they've loved.
Failure is the key
to the kingdom within."
- Rumi

"Work is not always required.
There is such a thing
as sacred idleness,
the cultivation of which
is now fearfully neglected."
- George McDonald

"Rest is not idleness,
and to lie sometimes
on the grass on a summer day
listening to the murmur of water,
or watching the clouds float
across the sky,
is hardly a waste of time."
- Sir J. Lubbock

The River in Bliss

I stop by to visit the river on my way home from a wonderful session of meditation and healing to see it blanketed in snow...

Parts of the river have frozen again along its banks, and the currents are strong, and lapping very confidently and exuberantly at it banks...It is hard to believe that only a week ago, Grace and I, were paddling in the river...

I re-visit so many blessings experienced on so many levels and insights received through many means - meditation, and through the generous gifts of others...

I breathe in the crisp cold air, and it fills my lungs with prana - the very life force of God, and I think how very lucky I am to be alive in this moment. Despite all the difficulties experienced in the last year or so, I know they are like mere drops of water in this river, flowing downstream, and that all in all, what has been asked of me is so very little...

I think of Paramahansa Yogananda's teachings on resurrection, and know that on several levels, in this liturgical season, I am being led to experience the essence of what this means, on a much deeper level...

I come home to wonderful messages, and a note received in the mail and ponder the words of a younger friend, who like me, is re-evaluating relationships in her life, truly trying to ascertain, as she so eloquently writes, "what is fat and what is muscle" in her life...She ends her note beautifully, by simply hoping, "In the spirit of Mary and Elizabeth, may the spirit within us and between us grow!"

Life gives us interesting turns and twists and many lessons, but I know Divine support shines through it all...

"No longer is my consciousness
limited to a phial of flesh,
corked with ignorance.
No more do I move through
Thine Ocean of Spirit day and night,
years, incarnations - so close,
yet without contacting the Sea.
No longer do I thoughtlessly
dwell in Thee,
knowing and feeling Thee not.

As I listened in awe
to the ever expanding cosmic sound,
the surging of Thy Holy Name,
the vibrations removed the tight cork
of delusion that had long prevented
the mingling of my waters with Thine.

Now my being is consciously merged
in Thine omnipresence.
Having released the 'I-ness' in me,
I know that Thou are I;
and that Thou art the souls of all."
- Yogananda

I bask in the joy of ever-new bliss, so nascent, and seeping into every crevice of my soul...

The Rose Garden of Love

On the first day of this month, into the second day, we are blanketed with the first true snow fall of the season, its beauty and purity captivates my heart, taking my breath away...

As one season wanes and prepares to give birth to another, joyously dancing arm in arm with the liturgical season we have just commenced, both culminating in re-birth and resurrection, I think of Rumi, and what Andrew Harvey once wrote about him:

"He know everything about love...
all the suffering,
all the ecstasy,
all the beauty."

I sit with a warm cup of coffee with sunlight now streaming in and warming my soul, and I savor verses from Rumi, feeling that he is a kindred soul to my own experiences of suffering, now evaporating into more moments and periods of ecstasy and beauty:

"In the driest
whitest stretch
of pain's
infinite desert
I lost my sanity
and found this rose..."

"It is the time of resurrection,
the time of eternity.
It is the time of generosity,
the sea of lavish splendor.
The treasure of gifts has come,
its shining has flamed out.
See, the rose garden of love
is rising from the world's agony."

In the deep of winter, assidously working to give up its ghost, I experience Love Divine in so many permutations, a blessed gift of grace received, so unmerited, so exquisite, and so miraculous, like a rose blooming in December...

Awareness, Aligning, and Opening

I received the following newsletter, from "Jewels of the Lotus," and wish to share some of its insights, because it echoes much of what I have been receiving:

"This month is all about the heart. Opening to the waves of divine LOVE that are flowing through the universe right now, it is time to remind yourself to tap into this flow. It can be easy to fall back into the old ways, and to go into default mode - as we have lived that way for so long. It is important to stay vigilant about how you feel in any given moment.

With the two eclipses, specific planetary alignments, shifting consciousness, a new surge of hope, a new president and countless other factors - what's an ordinary human to do? There is no question now that we are in the midst of radical changes. We are feeling them on an individual level, in community and on a universal scale. Humanity is riding the wave of change and our task is to be aware. Even when life gets intense, the best we can do for ourselves is to remain aware of our conditioned responses to what goes on around us. This awareness is key and will lead us to make conscious choices to set ourselves free from the old- this old keeps us bogged down.

'Awareness leads directly to understanding.' A dear friend shared this with me and it is true. Although, sometimes I try to control my life and certain aspects of it, when I truly let go of the drama and expectations, I do find peace. This letting go is difficult for so many - but we know that holding on simply makes it more difficult. Learning to flow on the path leads toward freedom. The key is to REMEMBER. Remember to Breathe, to Love yourself, to be peaceful and to just BE.

We are purging so much old stuff right now - so keep reminding yourself that this is a release. Try not to get caught in the releasing energy - simply allow it to pass. We move forward as One! Together, let's let our lights shine!"

...This is a prosperity affirmation that was sent from Dr. Joe Vitale to his email list - and he credits Will Bowen, author of A Complaint-Free World. Here is his prosperity affirmation:

Prosperity Affirmation
(Read Aloud Every Day for 30 days)

I am the source of all wealth. I am rich with creative ideas. My mind abounds with new, original, inspired thoughts. What I have to offer is unique, and the world desires it.

My value is beyond reckoning. What the world needs and desires, I am ready to produce and give. What the world needs and desires, I recognize and fulfill. The bounty of my mind is without hindrance or limit. Nothing can stand in the way of my inspired creativeness.

The overflowing power of God life energy overcomes every obstacle, & pours out into the world, blessing & prospering everyone, & everything through me.

I radiate blessings, I radiate creativity, I radiate prosperity, I radiate loving service. I radiate Joy, Beauty, Peace,Wisdom & Power. Humanity seeks me and rewards me. I am beloved of the world. I am wanted wherever I go.

I am appreciated. What I have to offer is greatly desired. What I have to offer brings a rich reward. Through my vision the world is blessed. Through my clear thinking & steadfast purpose, wonderful new values come into expression. My vision is as the vision of the mighty ones. My faith is as the faith of the undefeatable. My power to accomplish is unlimited. I, in my uttermost God Source, am all wealth, all power, all productivity. I hereby declare my financial free-dom, NOW and henceforth forever!"

For more information on the site this newsletter came from, visit:

www.jewelsofthelotus.com