Out With the Old and In With the New

Tomorrow, it will be 8 weeks since I had surgery, and just as long since I've "officially" taught a yoga class. In the time since, I've had several weeks of down time to recuperate, sleep, and read, and the last few weeks, I have been furiously cleaning, purging, simplifying, and letting go of mementos, family heirlooms, and all sorts of things I've held on to for one reason or another.

Energetically, I am being called to be in a different place. Correction: I AM in a different place and vibration, and everything around me needs to reflect this.

Tomorrow, I will also sub for the first time since my classes came to an end with the spring session. It will be a way to test the waters, stepping into the current of grace once again, though I have really never left it. And so, I will "end" a session that I did not teach, with my eye on the fall session right around the corner.

While I feel like a banshee, madly doing all I am at the moment, I also know it will clear my space and time dramatically once the fall is here. I know that my work has already borne fruit because the guy that came to measure for my new blinds today, walked in the door, and immediately said: "Wow! There is good energy in this house! Lot's of open space. No clutter!" And as he walked throughout the house, he kept complementing me on the space I had created. Hummm!

And so, I posted this on Facebook before showering and meditating. Now it is on to dinner and a drink, and rejoicing in a job well done. I am grateful for this incredible summer which has been a gift of healing in so many different ways!

"House cleaned and dusted. Done!
De-cluttered. Done!
Every drawer and every closed cleaned
and made lean - purged of half its contents. Done!
Donations made and picked up. Done!
Storage room emptied and 3/4 of space reclaimed. Done!
Blinds measured for installation next week. Done!
Quote requests sent out for a new car. Done!"

I Felt the Earth Move Under My Feet

We live in very interesting times indeed...

So we are told, by intuitives, psychics and scientists alike...

On Tuesday, I literally "felt the earth move under my feet," as Carole King once sang - and was ready for "the sky to come tumbling down," as I ran to the basement in a state of confusion, once I fully realized what was going on. My son reminded me, the basement is for tornadoes. You run outside if there is an earthquake. And truly, I've been through them before, but not in at least, three decades...

This earthquake was significant, because I live in Virginia, about an hour from the epicenter. The quake registered a 5.9, and was felt up and down the Eastern seaboard.

Today, we prepare for what may be the worst hurricane to hit some areas in decades.

Is there a hidden message in all of this? Many can be drawn, but this simple quote that Marianne Williamson posted today, says it all for me:

‎"When in the midst of outer chaos,
seek the inner peace of God.
Your inner peace is the power
that will then end the outer war."
~ Marianne Williamson

I realized, as the ground was shaking, in a way that had not occurred in this area in a century or more, that I could still come undone pretty easily. I shook like a leaf afterward. So much for being prepared to die at any moment. I even forgot to say my "dying mantra" which I have rehearsed over and over again over the years.

Life can be gone in an instant. I mindful of this, when I reflect on the news that Steve Jobs resigned as CEO of Apple because of his health. This hit close to home for many reasons, not the least of which is the fact we are the same age. And then, there was also the announcement by Pat Summit, the coach of the women's basketball team at the University of Tennessee, that she had been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's. This, coming from a woman who has won more basketball games than any other man or woman!

We do not know the moment or the hour, but in each one, we should live as if our every breath were our last one. We should make each moment count. Our meditation, yoga, and spiritual practices enable us to remember this - even if we do forget it momentarily in an earthquake!

The Guru is in You

Today, devout Hindus celebrate "Janmashtami" - the birthday of Lord Krishna, a most beloved deity, who gave us the gift of yoga and its enlightening practices...

I thought of this, as I carried Grace, my kayak, down to the river this morning. It was breezy, and the beginning of a busy day for me. The waters were very choppy and I paddled vigorously upstream until I reached the point of the first island. This is an area I have not revisited for almost a year and half. I saw a number of noble blue herons, and one actually "waited" for me at the boat launch, when I was coming out of the water, and then flew upstream, where I had been.

While I was out on the water, I reflected on the writings of Yogani, which can be found on the Advanced Yoga Practices website. This wonderful teacher has chosen to disseminate many esoteric yogic and meditation teachings - that were previously passed on from teacher to student - in order to make them more accessible to the general population. This teacher and practitioner very much believes that we stand at a critical juncture in our development and we must share spiritual teachings with one another, passing on useful practices and knowledge to others who may need them. This is possible because ultimately we are all teachers and students to one another.

Yogani ends all of "his" or "her" lessons with the simple statement - "The guru is in you." To me, this simply means and implies, that the essence of the Divine is within all of us, and accessible to us, if we trust our intuition.

However, we must do the necessary spiritual practices and commit ourselves to a life of meditation if we are to experience this communion with the Divine. Only then, can we trust that this "Voice" within our hearts will lead the way...

Paramahansa Yogananda has beautifully spoken of the path of meditation in his Spiritual Diary the last few days. I share some excerpts here:

"By meditation we connect the little joy of the soul with the vast joy of the Spirit. Meditation should not be confused with ordinary concentration... Meditation is that special form of concentration in which the attention has been liberated from restlessness and is focused on God. Meditation, therefore, is concentration used to know God...

Remember that the longer you practice meditation with intensity, the nearer you will be to joyous contact with the silent God. Intensity consists in making every today's meditation deeper than yesterday's and every tomorrow's meditation deeper than today's...

Do not say: 'Tomorrow I will meditate longer.' You will suddenly find that a year has passed without fulfillment of your good intentions. Instead say: 'This can wait, and that can wait, but my search for God cannot wait.'"

The guru is in you...

You are the very embodiment of the Guru - but your relationship to the Divine must permeate and color every aspect of your life. Only then, will your teachings and knowledge, and love flow from that Everlasting Source - a fountain that will satisfy your every need.

Delve deeper into your communion with the Divine. And share everything from that place in your heart.

Peace

It's been a quiet week of deep interior cleansing - on emotional, spiritual and physical fronts...

I prepare for my first and long overdue colonoscopy later this morning. But I have also cleansed myself of possessions - as I engage in the process of divesting myself of long held things which I now choose to give away - weeding out half of my closet and drawers, and even selling a substantial percentage of my gold jewelry.

Some of these pieces were passed down to me by my grandmother, but somehow, I sense her urging me, that it is time to let them go. I realize later, that I chose to sell these items on the very day that was the 16th anniversary of her passing from this life into eternity. Somehow, this incredible woman of faith reminded me, that we cannot take anything along with us on our ultimate journey.

I wish to do nothing more and nothing less - than to simply, lighten my load...

And my reduce my footprint as well...

I have said to many, that my surgery has had more of an energetic impact on me than a physical one...

It comes to me, that Buddhist and Hindu sages, and Christian mystics were right. The path to freedom and ultimate peace lies in letting go...

And as often happens in my reading, I came across some beautiful insights from Sally Kempton and Anthony de Mello, that reminded me of the true nature of peace...

"When you allow yourself to consciously enter the state of vulnerability, you find that its heart is peace." Sally Kempton

"Peace is your true protection, your invulnerable core." Sally Kempton

"Even in the deepest sorrow, there is deepest peace." Sally Kempton

"Let all anxieties cease, and let peace take over, for in God's hands, is our peace". Anthony de Mello

Today, seek peace. Receive peace. Embody peace. And reflect peace - into every darkened corner and every needed heart!

A New Song in My Heart

The days ebb and flow, like the tide, slowly, and gently...

Life has truly slowed down to the crawl of each present moment and there is no place and no time where God is not...

I enjoy my days, filled with so much freedom, and devoid of commitments...

Rumi's wisdom, comes to me from across the ages, speaking to my heart, acknowledging that the current rhythm of my life is healing and what is needed. I enjoy each breath, and a new lease on life, and taste freedom in each breath, and in each moment spent in the company of friends, loved ones, and whomever the Spirit sends:

"The motion of the body,
the inhaling and exhaling,
comes from the spirit...

When you are not with close friends,
you are not in the Presence...

Be a pilgrim to the kaaba inside,
and Mecca will rise into view on its own..."

These words come to me in the early morning, and I carry them in my heart, as my husband and I go to explore Euro Cafe, with our various Sunday papers. It is less busy there, than our local Starbuck's and much quieter as well...

The barista knows each of his clients by name and their drink of choice. He strikes up interesting conversations with them that are hard to ignore, and that lure me in, drawing my attention away from my reading. When I leave, he asks me how my coffee was. I tell him, it is the best cappuccino I have had since Vancouver or Europe, and he nods to me in gratitude.

I come home, and a dear friend bids me to read an except from Yogani, and I am drawn to this sentence:

"The best way to become enlightened
is to do our daily yoga practices...
All we have to do is sit
in our meditation room every day,
and then go out and give our love away."

Truly, what else is there to do? What could be more important?

Life is full, and deep and rich, and each day arrives bearing its own gifts and mysteries...

There is a new song in my heart, and with the support of my new guitar, whom I have named Cecilia Saraswati, I begin to give voice to music the universe has never heard before...

Aligning With Grace in the Water

I come into the river because I am cleared for all activities, having made a recovery nothing short of remarkable, barely a full month after surgery...

I come into the river because I can and because I want to...The river calls me...

I come into the river to align more deeply with grace...

I don my "Aligning with Grace" cap, and haul Grace, my trusty kayak, that has seen me through depression and tremendous growth these last few years - navigating me through the rough waters of isolation and connection - steering me through waves of grief and death and subsequent rebirth - and together we launch into this river that has been a silent witness to it all...

I come into this river much sooner than I ever could have imagined, with an incredible lightness of being and soul, and float in the stillness for a while. I drink in the silence, interrupted occasionally by a bass flapping as it happily jumps out of the water, and a blue heron flying over me, once more bidding me to paddle downstream...

I come into the river and give thanks for so many things - for a wonderful doctor and all who took care of me - and for the incredible healers and bodyworkers who worked with me these last few years, preparing me for this moment...

I send a blessing to someone who emailed me anonymously yesterday, and feels that my own spiritual journey is misguided. I share the experience with a friend, telling her, that I chose to respond with compassion...

I send blessings to all those I have wronged, and those who have wronged me as well...

I drink in the stillness, and delight in the gift of embodiment, mindful of a teacher who has striven to make me see and experience this gift. I recall words read yesterday, as I waited for my doctor to give me a clean bill of health and clear me to resume a more active lifestyle. She not only does this, but tells me, I do not need to return for another year...

"What does it mean to be embodied? Doesn't it mean to be given form? We have been gifted with a particular body. It is who we are in part - but not the whole story...

Our bodies can help us and can be avenues of prayer, for God is there in us closer than our hands or our feet. Having bodies we are invited to be incarnated spirit. We can come to learn to be conscious of our bodies as holy, as homes for spirit. That awareness can change how we live.

Our bodies are always with us, faithful companions to the end. They tell our stories - how we treasure or do not treasure the gift of them. Through our bodies we can participate in God's world or trash and disregard it.

To be full alive, fully embodied is a living prayer."
(Gunilla Norris, Simple Ways: Toward the Sacred)

I come into the river and to a new experience of embodiment - something that was removed within - created more space and lightness - and has ushered in a new era of living for me. I have been given a new lease on life...

I come out of the water, refreshed and joyous that I had the river all to myself. I went into the river to commune with it, and the Divine, and to baptize myself anew. Who knows what the future may bring? I do not know, but I am open to all it shall bring, as I once more utter the simple prayer of surrender I offer every day: "Oh Lord, I lay all at your feet. Let it be done through me according to Your Will."

And I enjoy the rest of the afternoon, whittling away hours at Starbucks with a dear friend and student - both of us stepping into new lives...

I go into the river because I can - but I do it mostly, to give thanks, to drink in its peace and wisdom, and to align with grace.

Trusting the Wisdom Within

I drove over to the other side of my beloved river this glorious Sunday morning for a yoga class for the first time - not quite three and half weeks after surgery. I was going to observe a class taught by a wonderful Inspired Anusara Yoga teacher. I did not think I would actually do all of the class - perhaps just some poses here and there. It was a Level 1-2 class that ended up being perfectly sequenced for me, and consisted of very basic poses that we worked very deeply.

After all, what is advanced yoga? Just the other day, I read this quote on Facebook by Lois Nesbitt, who was my own assessor and mentor in my certification as an Anusara Yoga teacher years ago, and who currently serves with me on the Anusara Yoga Curriculum Committee:

"Advanced poses do not make an advanced yogi. You have to work this thing from the inside out. Otherwise, head for Cirque de Soleil."

And this coming, from one of the most advanced practitioners that I know! So, we worked as advanced yogis today - doing work that was deep and nuanced in basic poses.

On my drive over, I reflected on all the changes I've experienced since my surgery. Many of them are quite personal, but I will share that as a result, I've experienced profound change. For example, I was no longer able to wear my "rudrasksha malas," or any of the jewelry I had worn for years - for they were so infused with a different kind of energy that in many ways was heavier, and more karmic. The only pieces that wanted to stay on me where my gold "OM" pendant I had especially commissioned for myself, and my medal of "Miraculous Mary," that had come from her Chappelle in Paris. Her healing energy has assisted me dramatically in this past year, since she made her presence known to me, in two significant dreams.

There are other more subtle changes too - experiences of an incredible sense of lightness and freedom, spaciousness - and an absence of fear.

In my last entry, I wrote about the right timing of my surgery. I have always trusted my inner wisdom, even when others try to impose their own on me. The only times I have ever gotten into trouble in this life, is when I have allowed someone else to impose their viewpoint - and override my own. And while there are many yoga friends of mine who have recently weighed in on what I should - or should not do at this point in my recovery - I have trusted the wisdom of my own body at every turn. I have "listened" - just as I listened to my body tell me that my ovaries wanted to stay in and not be removed during surgery.

I was delighted to be observing Natalie Miller's class at Willow Street Yoga Center. I believe that the stars and the universe conspired to get me there today. The theme of this class was perfect for me - as was the sequencing, and it felt delicious in every way to be there.

Natalie's theme was derived from the first line of the Anusara Yoga Invocation: "OM Namah Shivaya Gurave," which she weaved seamlessly throughout the class as she worked on the action of "shins in/thighs out." I jotted down many insightful comments from her exquisite centering and class which was both inspiring, and truly a spiritual practice in every way. Her words were meant for her students, but I heard them as though they were meant for me, and so I paraphrase here...

"OM Namah Shivaya Gurave - I honor the Supreme goodness within and all around me... I sign myself up to experience everything as good because of the next part - 'Gurave' - which has two meanings... A guru is one is weighty - he/she is the one who is heavy as a result of a lot of practice. But the other meaning is - the one who takes and transmutes the darkness into the light - because this is the one who is the true teacher...

The action of "shins in/thighs out" - is a quality of muscular energy which provides stability - and it is also an embodiment of the first line of the Invocation - "OM Namah Shivaya, because it is saying - 'I honor the parts of Shiva - of the Divine - that resides in all things.' Engaging the shins says - 'I want to access the power that lies within me so I can go deeper.' Widening the thighs is an affirmation that 'I want to incorporate all the parts of myself into the practice so that I can know who I am more deeply.'"

Time and time again, Natalie referred to the "Gurave moment" in the practice - where we trust our inner wisdom - realizing that we are all in a different place.

One of my principle teachers, Maria Hamburger, has impressed on me time and time again, throughout the years, the need and importance of embodiment in the practice. Another one of my principle teachers, who is my current and regular teacher - Suzie Hurley - ever the wise one - and the director of Willow Street Yoga Center - has encouraged me constantly as I have struggled the last three years in the physical practice. She has shown her light and her enthusiasm every step of the way - without judgment - in a very loving way - and within the context of the safe, warm, and healing environment she provides in her classroom.

Trust your inner wisdom... All three of these wonderful teachers have reminded me of this. I cannot begin to express how blessed I feel to be part of this community of extraordinary teachers. I cannot begin to express my gratitude for the larger Anusara Yoga community, anchored in the vision of its founder, my primary teacher, John Friend.

I drove home, full. I drove home inspired and filled with awe and bliss, bordering on ecstasy. I drove home filled with gratitude to experience my first class so soon after major surgery, feeling energized, and filled with light and goodness, the heart qualities that Natalie highlighted.

How blessed and lucky am I to once more have confirmed the importance of trusting the wisdom within!

Perfect Timing

This morning, after a long walk, I went down to the river in my crocs so that I could step inside and wade for a while. I knew that doing so would be immensely "grounding" and healing, and it was the best that I could do for now, until I am cleared for kayaking again.

As I made it down to the boat ramp with a cup of coffee in tow, I met a really elderly woman coming out of the river herself. She immediately lit up a cigarette, and we struck up a conversation.

I could tell from her speech and her gait, that she had perhaps suffered a stroke at some point, and yet here she was, hauling her ocean kayak out of the water. I apologized for not being able to help her, but almost immediately, a wonderful man came to this woman's aid. He was accompanied by two rambunctious Jack Russell dogs - who proceeded to happily dash into the water and splash about.

This woman, truly weathered by life and who knows what else, still had a gleam in her eye. We talked about the river, kayaking, and she told me how in the past, when the river was very low, people actually walked out to the islands!

She had come to river early in the morning to escape the heat. There was a gentle breeze, but she noted that when she arrived the river was still, and like a plate of glass. Her timing had been perfect for her.

I have been reflecting on the perfect timing of my surgery, ever since I had a session with my gifted craniosacral therapist, Suzanne Scurlock-Durana, on Monday. Everything had conspired and come together in the appropriate manner for my surgery and my subsequent healing.

I recently read several articles, one of them in an AARP newsletter, how July is the worst possible time to schedule a surgery. There is a turn over in staff, and more mistakes occur. But, for me, it really was the perfect time. It was even a full moon! I was the first surgery on my doctor's schedule, and she had recently returned from a vacation. She is very laid back and always takes the time to listen to what I have to say, and answers all my questions, and so on.

I know that going to a hospital is no vacation, but I have to say - of the four times I have ever been in a hospital - three involving surgical procedures, and one to deliver my son - this was the only one I felt was truly positive in every way.

The anesthesiologist took the time to listen to my concerns. Every single time I've had a procedure, I have gotten sick and nauseous. He explained that he would take that to heart and make sure I did not have that experience again. And, I never once experienced nausea or got sick!

All of the nurses were wonderful - caring, attentive, and on top of things. And so, I took the time afterward, to write everybody a "Thank You" card.

I "knew" at least a year before this surgery, I might be going down this route. But, I never rushed it. Not even when it was suggested to me that I hurry the process along. I knew I wanted to schedule it in the summer, so that I could take the time off, and last summer, the timing did not feel right to me. It was a long journey to this moment in time, but I felt that everything unfolded as it should have. I had also spent 8 years trying all sorts of alternative therapies in addition to seeking out the opinions of medical specialists. I weighed all my options, and discussed fully with my doctor what kind of a hysterectomy I would have, and I was fully involved in every step of the process.

I've known Suzanne over a dozen years, and reconnected with her again in the last couple, as we slowly and systematically worked at getting to the bottom of what was going on in my body. Even though I do have spinal stenosis, a degeneration of the spine, she felt quite strongly that this huge calcified fibroid sitting on my sacrum was a bigger culprit in the amount of pain I experienced. And over the years, my own OB-GYN always noted the presence of this fibroid as well. We even tried less invasive procedures over the years, before deciding on removing the uterus and fibroid.

I share this, because Suzanne has always felt, that other women may benefit from hearing my story.

The important thing here is, to trust your intuition. There is a perfect timing for every decision one makes!

I've included the most recent blog entry by Suzanne on our experience this week, and my own entry in June, as we dialogued with my body, and the decision become clear about how extensive the surgery should be:

Perfect Timing (Suzanne's entry)

The Body Speaks (my entry in June)

Extending KIndness

A new month arrives and with it the opportunity to start something new, and leave other things behind...

In a few short weeks, the school season will begin once more, and summer will gradually fade into fall, which is one of my favorite times of the year.

Today, I received two separate messages about kindness. It was a reminder to me to be more mindful of the opportunities that come knocking on my door to exercise more kindness. And so, I share them here with you, in hopes that you too, may be moved to extend kindness to others throughout this month.

Kindness: Pass It On!

Give a flower.
Eat with someone new.
Listen with your heart.
Visit a sick friend.
Offer a hug.
Give an unexpected gift.
Make a new friend.
Pick up litter.
Say "hello."
Call a lonely person.
Open a door.
Help carry a load.
Plant a tree.
Pass a kindness on.
Buy someone's meal.
Cheer a friend.
Thank a teacher.
Give blood.
Read to a child.
Do one kind act every day.
Leave a thank you note.
Offer your seat.
Tip generously.
Be tolerant.
Let another go first.
Bake cookies for emergency workers.
Tutor a student.
Give a compliment.
Pay the next driver's toll.
Lend a hand.
Give a balloon to a child.
Offer a ride.
Celebrate the day.
Respect others.
Encourage a child.
Walk a dog.
Do a favor.
Forgive mistakes.
Drive courteously.
Share a smile

"Kindness in words creates confidence.
Kindness in thinking creates profoundness.
Kindess in giving creates love."
~ Lao Tzu