Looking Deeply Within

As uncertainty continues to haunt many within my yoga community, on this day, which is Mardi Gras - following Maha Shivaratri, The Great Night of Shiva - I begin to turn my attention to the coming season of Lent...

When I used to teach theology, I used to tell my students that Lent wasn't a time so much for giving up things - like sweets or watching TV - but that it is instead, a time to acquire something. It is a time for interior growth and a time to cultivate a quality you would like to more deeply embody...

So today, I take a moment to reflect and prepare, by doing an "Examination of Consciousness," by engaging in a simple practice popularized by St Ignatius of Loyola, and here simplified by Jim Manney, from The Prayer that Changes Everything:

The Examination of Consciousness

Ask for light.
I want to look at my day with God's eyes, not merely my own.

Give thanks.
The day I have just lived is a gift from God.
Be grateful for it.

Review the day.
I carefully look back on the day just completed,
being guided by the Holy Spirit.

Face your shortcomings.
I face up to what is wrong - in my life and in me.

Look toward the day to come.
I ask where I need God in the day to come.

And while this is normally a practice to be done at the end of the day, I find it appropriate to consider it now, in this moment, almost two and half weeks after my Anusara yoga community was split apart.

Why? For these reasons...

I realize that I have failed, and I have contributed to some of the misunderstandings, miscommunications, and so forth that have engulfed us individually and collectively as a community...

I realize that I have misjudged others and misinterpreted information...

I realize I have been less than charitable at times and have contributed to fueling flames...

I realize that this situation is holding up a mirror to where I need to do some work...

I realize that I am not without fault in much of what continues to happen...

I realize that every time I think something or someone is a certain way - it is quickly dispelled or overturned... I am far from "all-knowing..."

I realize I have not truly been compassionate or forgiving...

I realize I haven't really and totally let go...

And I realize - that I must let go - and let God...

Today, on several occasions - I witnessed members in my community I hardly know - or did not care to know - open their hearts. I misjudged what was there, and for that I am wrong, and deeply sorry...

Today, I also experienced unconditional love from sources I did not expect...

I choose to enter into this season of deep cleansing, of healing, of transformation and growth culminating in Resurrection with compassion for myself and others - for our failings and our shortcomings...

What will be, will be... Yes, that is true. But we can choose how we will be, in all of it...