Living Our Yoga and the Four Agreements

What does it mean to live our yoga?

The word yoga means union - of body, mind, and spirit. And perhaps no one lives her yoga - that is - walks the walk and the talk - as much as Desiree Rumbaugh.

I've had the pleasure to study with Desiree every year since since 1999. And every year, I come away with an insight that enriches my practice, but most importantly my life - for the rest of the year and beyond that.

Last night, Desiree began our practice by sharing her insights on The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz. She came upon the book during a particularly trying time in her life, and decided she would work on them.

While we sat in a circle, Desiree reminded us that yoga is more than what we do on the mat. It is ultimately, a way of life.

Our yoga must be evident in the way we talk - and how we treat others - even in how and what we write. In a world of emails and instant communication, this gave me pause for thought, most especially against the back drop of what has happened in my yoga community in recent months.

Des also noted, that when we open in our bodies - there is cooperation between the body and the mind - but that we must take this further - so that this opening is experienced in our relationship with others. That is true yoga.

She then shared the Four Agreements and a few insights with each of them, that I will attempt to summarize here.

The First Agreement is:
Be impeccable with your words.

What does this mean and what does it imply? It means to speak with integrity and to say only what you mean. But most importantly it demands of us to use the power of our words for truth and love...

Wow!

I think if I could truly work towards just this one thing - it could transform everything in my life!

Furthermore, Des reminded us - that if we have compassion, our yoga is working. Instead of being vengeful, we can choose to be another way. We don't have to make other people wrong, in order for us to feel right. The practice of yoga helps us to shift our perspective...

The Second Agreement is:
Don't take anything personally.

Nothing others do is because of you - it's s projection of their own reality - and not yours. When you are mindful of this - you don't suffer.

Des quoted Byron Katie who often says - what others think of me - is none of my business.

The Third Agreement is:
Don't make assumptions.

Find the courage to ask the questions you really want to ask. With this one agreement, we have the ability to transform our lives. And, we should remember, that in the end, what goes around comes around...

The Fourth Agreement is:
Always do your best.

What we do - can change from moment to moment. We should remember to walk a mile in another's shoe before we judge them.

Des also reminded us to feel stronger in the inside - and softer on the outside in our practice. And of course, as with everything, this should translate into our lives. If we do this - we will be able to take on what life throws at us, and let it roll off of our backs.

That is not to say that this will be easy - but only that we have the skills to live our yoga - and to become the best possible human beings that we can be.

We creatively moved into a deep and delicious practice of hip openers afterwards, and I felt better than I had in years.

Just this week, I had been contemplating quitting yoga altogether - practicing, teaching - all of it. That's how upset I have been by what I am witnessing all around me.

What I learned tonight is, yoga is not finished with me yet. And it took an angel like Desiree - truly a safe harbor - to make me realize that!

Be Still and Pause and Know

The Buddhists teach that the only constant in life is change...

But I don't do well with change...

In fact, if truth be told, I hate change. I love stability. And that, in itself, is an illusion. There is no such thing as stability... Nothing remains the same... There is no "happily ever after."

As a child, I moved around a lot. Which meant enrolling in different schools often in mid-year, trying to make new friends, then just about getting settled, only to have to pick up and move once again. Though it had it's opportunities, it also had its challenges...

I did not want that for my son, so I tried to give him what I did not have - the opportunity to go to one school from kindergarten to eighth grade, to spend all four years in one high school - and not have to move half-way as I did - and to be able to attend the same university for all four years. He went to wonderful schools and his best friend from kindergarten is still his best friend today. In fact, his friends from grade school, high school, and college, are still friends today...

I thought the yoga world and community would offer me that stability I have yearned for. I've not had the life long friend in my life that saw me through thick and thin for decades. Every job I ever had was a search for community, and yet it never really brought me that - not even in the religious environments I worked at for 25 years, because I neglected to realize, that what I was seeking was already inside of me...

Did not the poet Rumi assert the following?

"The whole universe is inside of you.
Ask all from yourself."

In the last 10 years, my communities and work environments have changed about 5 times. They brought wonderful people in my life. Still, I looked in these places and among all those relationships for the same thing - which I still neglected to realize what inside of me...

The Buddhists also teach that all life is suffering and that attachment leads to that. This I know. At least intellectually. Yet why is it so hard to put into practice? Does anyone else feel this way?

I am drawn to reading the psalms over and over again, and most particularly Psalm 46. My favorite line in that psalm often repeats itself again and again in my heart:

"Be still and know and know that I am God..."

I also love the first verse:

"God is our refuge and our strength;
an ever present help in distress."

Several verses in the psalm end with the word "selah," which is a difficult word to translate. One of the translations is "pause." Because the psalms were originally sung, this word was both a liturgical and musical instruction to pause before continuing to the next verse.

My life is like that pause...

Macrina Weiderkehr once wrote:

"Sacred is the pause
that brings us into stillness."

Yes, my life is in that pause. But I am starting to realize that the pause is not only pregnant with possibilities - or just an "in between" state. It no longer necessarily leads from point A to point B. The pause is its own reward. It is the stillpoint. And it signals a state of arrival and completion...

The pause is the "kumbhaka" of life - so impregnated with the presence of God - if you breathe in - you lose it. You miss it... The yogic sages knew the pause was important - that within the suspension of the breath lay immortality...

Only in God is my soul at rest...

"For God alone my soul waits in silence;
from Him comes my salvation..." Psalm 62.1

Sacred is the pause... Seek not to belong elsewhere... Belong to yourself... And belong to the One who dwells in you as You...

Dancing With Malas

I dance with malas...

Whether I want to or not...

I do not mean that I am dancing with bracelets, but instead, I am dancing in and out of illusions...

As I sail the ship of my life and navigate turbulent waters unknown to me, I take a moment to reflect on Michelle Berman Marchildon's description of the malas in her book, Finding More on the Mat: How I Grew Better, Wiser, and Stronger Through Yoga...

And I wonder, can I do the same? Can I grow stronger and wiser, when some days I feel as if the bottom fell out of my life?

Nothing seems the same...

And I recall this insight from a Course in Miracles: "Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists."

What is real?

The malas are veils which cloak what is real, hiding the truth from us, and there are three of them...

Anava Mala seeds feelings of unworthiness and not being good enough within us which can lead to both sadness and eventual depression.

Mayiya Mala culminates in feelings of isolation and separation...

Karma Mala arises from our actions and their consequences...

All of these cloud reality - and impede our way of seeing what truly is - and I experience all three - simultaneously...

Nothing seems as it was - everything can be turned upside down...

But it is also an invitation to see things more deeply. It is an invitation to change...

I read this, just this morning:


"When we feel stuck, going nowhere - even starting to slip backward - we may be actually backing up to get a running start." Dan Millman

And also this one:

"Every positive change - every jump to a higher level of energy and awareness - involves a rite of passage. Each time to ascend to a higher rung on the ladder of personal evolution, we must go through a period of discomfort, or initiation. I have never found an exception." Dan Millman

This is a long period of initiation. of wandering through the desert. Of exile. Of not knowing what to do - or where to turn - or to whom...

This is a time of cleansing. Of floating. Of practice. And simply being. It is no longer a time of belonging, but of letting go. And of rending the veils of the malas.

My life is a dance. I do not have to dance with the malas...

But I must fill my dance card. And only I can do it...

From Forest Dweller to a Deeper Mystic

I have been quiet on these pages. But, not absent...

I have been immersing myself in life fully. Deeply. Reconnecting with spiritual roots...

Several years ago, as my son prepared to go off to college, my life became much more simplified. This coincided with my walking away from an academic career. In succeeding years - he moved out and went to work. Now, he will return, after eight years, for a spell, and I prepare for that.

During these years, much has happened.

Since this year began, life has changed - maybe not radically - but it certainly seems to be so. There are changes everywhere to be noted - on both physical and spiritual planes...

When the docket of my life substantially cleared itself of many responsibilities, just a few years ago, I began to refer to myself as a "Forest Dweller." Now, it seems I am on my way towards becoming a "sannyasin" - or what I choose to define as a deeper mystic.

Let me explain...

In Hinduism, there are 4 stages to a person's life.

First, one is a student. Then one becomes a householder, with all that that entails. After that, children leave home, and one becomes a "Forest Dweller," a stage where one has the time to cultivate the spiritual life in a more dedicated way.

In time, one might become a "sannyasin" - or wandering ascetic - totally at the mercy of the compassion of others and the elements. This, is the life of truest simplicity.

Since dramatic changes occurred in my yoga community - both locally and globally - I find myself going very deeply within. I visit the river nearly every day. I resurrect spiritual practices I had neglected for years. I listen. Yes, very deeply. And every rustling of emerging leaves and animal that crosses my path - comes bearing a message. It is so evident to me in a way that it never was...

There are strong realizations that are emerging. Urgent voices now being heard. The voice of the Guru within - of the Divine - breaks through a tangle of what I now realize, were only illusions...

I am drawn to greater simplicity. And less attachment - to what was - and to whom I thought I was - to credentials. And even to all the roles I have recently played...

The slate seems to be wiping itself clean...

What I thought was my community, is in disarray. So the insight comes - it is no longer the time for community - but for communing more deeply with God...

Everything is an invitation to let go. And to take my own spirituality to the next level.

But, it is not about beginning again. It is instead about trusting. And being. Right now. Exactly where I am...

I have no idea where all of this is going, but in my heart of hearts, I know it is a gift. It is opening the door to greater freedom, and to becoming and being more fully who I really am.

I am - that I am. One with the Divine...

I wake up to that, much more deeply than I ever have...

The Way of Love

What is your way?

Which way do you walk?

What path do you follow?

I receive this in my inbox, and it seems so appropriate. I reflect on its deeper meaning for me:

"I walked this way,
I walked that way,
and then I walked
MY WAY."

We have begun a new month, and I continue to receive messages from everywhere, and everything. I will share more about this in my next entry...

On the first day of this month, I lost the last of my great aunts, and the youngest of my beloved grandmother's sisters. She truly walked her way. She lived life on her own terms. And her way, like my grandmother's, was the way of love... She touched lives near and far that cut across all levels of class or racial distinctions. She was beloved by many, and my own memories of her are very fond...

In fact, her grandchildren and great grandchildren, simply referred to her as "Love." Not "Nonna," not "Grandma," but "Love." Quite a testament to any living soul!

And to me, this is just a simple reminder of what really matters in life and how I would like to be remembered... St. Jeanne de Chantal, co-foundress of the Visitation Order in the 17th century, taught this very simple lesson, that was later repeated by Mother Teresa of Calcutta:

"We cannot always do great things,
but we can always do little things
with great love."

As I reflect on what has happened in my life and community in recent months - and as I also contemplate what the future might hold for me, I tend to measure it all against the yardstick of love. There are moments when I have failed to be compassionate, which is in essence, a failure to love. And for those moments and instances, I am truly sorry...

My Reiki teacher, Frans Stiene taught me years ago, to always be compassionate, because not only is this the way of love - but it also, the way of the Divine...

I do not know what the future holds. Right now, I am at a crossroads. Yet again. The symbolism of the fact that I am replacing a couple of toilets in my house is not lost upon me. Five years, I replaced three out of four - at another time of upheaval and radical change...

Yesterday, a great aunt and soul was laid to rest. I also marked the ten year anniversary of a passing of a great friend - just as I was about to launch into the great unknown. He encouraged me to make the changes I made in my life at the time, but did not live to see its fruits. The day also marked the passing of a gifted brother-in-law who died way before his time...

I've always said, I would love to die in the month of April, not because I am morbid, but because everything is bursting with life and it is so reminiscent of the Resurrection. What would be a better time than this to transition into the Eternal? I cannot think of one...

The time of transitioning may be a long way off for me. Or maybe not. The only thing that matters is what I will be remembered for - and whether I truly walked, and embodied, the Way of Love...

And I end, with this message, received on the very day of my aunt's passing into the Eternal. I imagine her having a party with all of her sisters!

"Walking, I am listening to a deeper way.
Suddenly, all my ancestors are behind me.
Be still, they say.
Watch and listen.
You are the result of the love of thousands!"
~ Linda Hogan
Native American Writer