A Divided Heart

Sometimes we must live, caught between one place and the other.

Sometimes, we are unsure of where we are and how we feel - or where we are going.

Sometimes, we must live, with a divided heart.

The insight came to me, on my walk yesterday morning, as the day began to steam up.

Why is it that we often feel divided?

We can be divided within ourselves in so many ways:

Divided in what we think - and the guilt that we have for thinking that way...

In what we we want, as opposed to what we have...

Where I work, and what I really want to do...

Where I am, and where I want to be...

Where I live, and where I want to go...

Who I am with, and who I want to spend time with...

Who I see, and who I yearn to be with...

How I spend my time, and how I really would prefer to spend it...

How things actually unfold in my life, and not how I wish they would do so...

The choices I made, instead of the ones I really wanted to make...

Why must we live with a heart and life divided?

Things rarely go as they should, or at least not how we envisioned them to do so...

We think a relationship is deepening, when it really might be ending...

We believe all is well in our lives and our souls, when it really is just falling apart...

We are at peace, when we actually don't see something coming at us full speed ahead that makes everything around us come crumbling down...

We bargain for one thing - and we get what is completely the opposite...

We give our hearts fully and with abandon, but it is trampled upon and our good intentions are taken advantage of...

The reaction to all of this may be to want to go on lock down - to Def Con 5.

It seems everywhere I look, everyone seems to have similar experiences they can relate to. But I also believe and realize - that while we may look at things from a certain vantage point, it is only one perspective, and one way of seeing things. There are as many realities as there are perspectives or persons to have them.

We can choose to live with a divided heart - or we can choose to live from a heart where all coalesces into One - where every experience in our lives is exactly the one that was needed - where there is no right or wrong - no better or worse - but where every thing just simply is. 

There is this stage called Life and we have our role to play on it. Some of us may play it for a short while or for a longer time than others. It is not the length that matters, but what we do when we are up on that stage that makes the difference.

How will you live this one so called life of yours?

How will you play your role?

I cannot help but think of a dear friend who just died. I spoke to her last about a year ago, and as often happens, just as someone dies, I had been thinking of her a lot, and was planning on checking in with her, just as I received the news of her passing. Her life had been difficult and challenging and she had experience great hurts. But she had the most wonderful smile - she could light up a room with it - and she was so very present when you were in her company.

My friend reminded me today that I have a choice. I can live with a divided heart or not. I can be sullen or morose and feel sorry for myself, or I can make lemonade out of lemons. 

I choose to step out of the prison of divisiveness. 

I choose not to live from a divided heart.

Thank you Cheryl!


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