A Decade of River Lessons

Every year on my birthday there are several rituals and practices I like to do.

Over the years, these rituals have changed somewhat. For a number of years I did a yoga Sun Salutation practice for each year of my life, reflecting on the major events of each one. I was always amazed by the long forgotten memories that would spontaneously arise!

Yesterday, I did a meditation reflecting on the events of the past year, month by month. It was a meditation taught to me by a friend over a decade ago. The past year had indeed been heavy, with many sad events occurring, but they were balanced with occasions to celebrate as well.

I reflected on significant deaths that occurred in my family - including those of friends not much older than I am.

But in the early morning, I went down to the river to do a number of practices...

Some years it has rained on my birthday. This is a blessing and considered auspicious in Eastern cultures. 

Yesterday it was cold, wet, and a little bit foggy.

Ten years ago, I started coming down to this river on a regular basis. It was a time of great transition, loss, and sadness. But I came almost everyday for three years solid and did my practices. Eventually, the river beckoned and invited me to come inside. I went out and bought myself a kayak and paddled upstream many a morning, reciting mantra after mantra.  I learned to not fight the current, and to go with the flow. In time, I realized, that my practices had born fruit. I let go of much, and forgave many. But the hardest lesson I learned was to forgive myself.

The river looked different ten years ago. Trees have died and were taken down. New benches were brought in. The topography of the riverbank has shifted somewhat.

I came to see that the river as a metaphor for my life - mirroring my life experiences and teaching me a brace of lessons. For a long time my relationship to the river was one of student, until one day, I crossed over to a realm of mutuality. 

I learned on these waters to let go, and not fight the current by chanting a simple mantra as I paddled upstream: 

"Let go of holding on;
and hold on to letting go!"

Once, on a Yom Kippur morning, shrouded in a very dense fog, I let go of my fears, paddling into it, and staying in its heavy mantel until the fog lifted and I was able to see the shoreline once again.

For a long time, a blue heron showed up for me, day after day and time after time, walking alongside me, as I paddled. On other occasions it flew slightly ahead of me, always leading the way.

Once as I meditated, a bass jumped out of the water startling me. It seemed to momentarily float in suspended animation - defying gravity - as it looked at me intently in the eye.

There are so many stories I could tell about my experiences on this river, which began about the time that I started this blog, almost ten years ago, next month. They are documented there. But yesterday I was simply aware of the part this river has played in my spiritual journey. I reverently acknowledged that role, and expressed my gratitude.

Yesterday morning, I prayed and chanted and did a Lovingkindness practice, and then drove home knowing that the coming year would bring its blessings. It always does. No matter how bad or how hard things seem to be.


The Potomac River in Virginia

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