Meet Me On the Highway

I am thoroughly enjoying reading Carole King's memoir of her life, most appropriately titled, "A Natural Woman." In a very poignant, crucial and surprising part of the book, she wakes up in the middle of the night to ask herself the question:

"Who am I?"

This is a question we all ask ourselves at some point or another, perhaps even repeatedly at various junctures of our lives. Who am I - REALLY?

Recently, I've noticed that the things that were once important in my life, are no longer so. I've let go of so many preconceived notions, desires, aspirations, and even possessions. I believe the fruit of meditation and prayer have soften the edges to many jagged corners in my life, and helped me release other aspects. The longer we practice, the more we are able to notice a shift in our perspective.

One of the things that has been very important to me, is the connection that is experienced in community. I have written a lot about it this year, and most especially in light of the all the events that have shattered my yoga community.

I don't know if it was the energy of the planetary alignments this weekend, but something shifted deeply within me. I let go of this need I have had for community...

I let go of of my need to be connected, to be seen, to be valued, and to be respected and needed... I let go of any need to be part of something that gathers in any way, shape, or form. That is not to say I might not choose to do so on occasion - I just don't feel the pull or need that I once did.

Like Carole King, I want to sing: "Meet me on the highway - meet me on the road..." There will always be a handful of people in my life that will always help me carry my load - and I will help them - and that will be enough. What I no longer need is a huge group of people - most of whom I really don't know - to support this process.

And so, I asked myself - what is community? Why did I have such a need to belong to one? I delved very deeply inside, and one more rediscovered, that everything I needed and sought in community was already inside...

I no longer crave to belong to any one group, or to prove myself to anyone. I am who I am - and I am always good enough just as I am!

I've spent years studying yoga and healing - thousands of hours and even more thousands of dollars later. I no longer need to do that. After 15 years of teaching yoga, I have studied plenty, and can continue to do so and evolve on my own. I am no longer dependent on anyone for more... There is a vast wealth and reservoir of knowledge and intuition already at my disposal...

This morning, as I surveyed the broad expanse of the river, swollen by the recent rains - I felt a sense of freedom that had eluded me for years. It was like recapturing the essence of who I am and stepping more firmly into my power...

Recently, I have let go of my memberships in associations, organizations, and groups - and will continue to simplify and streamline where my attention and resources go... It was never about belonging to any of these things anyway. It was always about the journey...

I read this quote this morning, and it seemed to exemplify where I presently find myself:

"There comes a day
when you realize
that turning the page
is the best feeling in the world.
You realize there is
so much more to life,
than the page you were stuck on."

And that was it. All I needed to hear. For the last years I have been stuck on one page - in someone elses' script. I simply turned the page...

I turn the page and step into a new life of my own choosing. I neither work nor seek the approval of no one. I know who I am and I will continue to listen to my heart and go where it leads me. In my own time...

If this sounds right to you, meet me on the highway, and we'll carry each others' load!

Comments

Anonymous said…
Thanks for writing. Prior contributions maybe more under membership banners and present more independent both valued, attended to.

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