An Advent of Hope and Waiting

While looking online for some inspirational thoughts and prayers to mark this commencing season of Advent, I came across this wonderful site called Following the Star with beautiful reflections and readings. I will excerpt a few things, but I invite you to visit the site daily during this season:

www.followingthestar.org

Advent is traditionally a time for preparing and waiting for the Lord's birth. At the same time, it is a season that invites us to become more introspective and take stock of our own lives, making changes where necessary to create space within and without to be with the One our hearts prepare for.

"Hope. It is one of the many things that people of faith do best in the middle of winter. In the darkest of nights, the coldest of days, we hope still. We hope because we know God's story, one that finds its central event in the birth of a child.

As persons of faith...watch with expectation for the hope that is within you. Be still and know that God is at work in your world...

God of faith, hope and love,
fill me with your Spirit of patience.
I wait patiently for you today. Amen

Waiting is not easy for most of us to do. As people of faith, we know that waiting is central to our journey with God. Throughout history, the faithful have to patiently wait for the One whose sense of time is not the same as ours. Amidst our waiting, whether patiently or impatiently, we hear the reassuring words of hope from the Prophet Isaiah. For God words for those who wait."
(Brian Prior)

On Land and On Water

My journey this year, brings me back full circle to an unexpected beginning - mere days away from celebrating the first anniversary of this blog which began so spontaneously by a river that unbeknownst to me, would figured so prominently in my life...

As I leave the celebration of Thanksgiving behind, I look forward to the Season of Advent that will be ushered in tomorrow. It was during this Season last year, that I followed an inner prompting and began writing without any intention to do so...

I wrote to a dear friend, telling her that I spent the days of the Thanksgiving break - reflecting on my life - almost as an Act of Contrition - re-visiting every major phase and epoch lived and experienced - rejoicing and celebrating the lessons in each sacred period and moment. So much richness and so many insights and blessings were scattered everywhere - like the gifts this season brings and that I had overlooked...

As I enter more deeply into the contemplative quiet of these coming weeks and the many blessings it brings, I reflect on the touching and moving words sent to me this morning, by a friend of my past. They are a gentle reminder of what I should really focus on and what is ultimately important to realize, experience, and share during this time:

"May you find peace and simplicity in this Advent Season -
on land and on water."

May we all truly know the reason for the season - no matter what our tradition or background...

And I, will especially make a concerted effort to bring the peace, simplicity, and preciousness I experience within the river into every moment, as I try to tread more mindfully and gently on this land...

Grace and I Give Thanks in the River

It is truly a magnificent morning - sunny, warmer - and punctuated by a cloudless sky. I drive down to the river after meditation and find the water still and the environs quiet...

I rush home and hoist Grace into the car and in ten minutes I am back in the park...

I briefly speak to an older gentleman who says he and his wife walk the dogs in the park often and frequently see me out on the water...

I paddle away in mere minutes and delight in the crispness of the air and the reigning silence...

The water is low, and at times I am mere inches from the bottom. The hydrilla (yes - I now know the name of these invading underwater grasses) are combed back and seem dormant for the most part.

For the first time in a while, I paddle all the way up to my favorite spot. The paddling is effortless and I enter into this meditative rhythm or zone. The only sound I hear is the one made by the swirling water as my paddle slices through methodically in some sort of regular cadence - as if I were praying or chanting on one mala bead at a time...

I reach that point between shores and islands which I have not inhabited in several weeks. Then I meditate, and let go - and float - surrendering to the water and God's good grace...

I meditate, I pray, and then I give thanks...

"Thank you, Dear God,
for all that is -
and all that is not...

Thank you for all the experiences of adversity,
and distance, and pain,
and for the opportunities and the connections
they birthed.

Thank you for the stages in my relationships -
for the endings,
and new beginnings.

Thank you for the things that I have learned
and for the things I am forgetting,
and for all the karma so swiftly released.

Thank you for the many gifts received
whether they were evident to me at first or not -
and for all that you surgically removed from my life
that stood in the way of deeper growth and transformation."

Thank for this river,
and for this vessel, Grace
that have brought me safely
into deeper communion with You.

Thank you for all the insights given -
and messages received
from so many angels
you have placed in my path..."

I cannot remember everything I give thanks for, but it does not matter. The vibration of my prayers ring out eternally and are received by God's Heart...

Then I pray for all those near and dear to me who are hurting and ailing - physically and emotionally - and I ask God to heal them all - that they may continue to shine their light...

I float slowly down a straight line in total silence - with only a heron here and there crying out - and an occasional bass flapping. There is total stillness and I give thanks again - that my life is such that it affords me both the time and opportunity to come here - to commune with the Divine in this way - through His creation and his creatures...

I am grateful to come here on this magnificent day of Thanksgiving. I am also grateful for the many, many blessings I receive - those I acknowledge, and those I miss due to my lack of attentiveness...

I am grateful to be embraced by so many hearts...I ponder and reflect on a dear soul who wrote me last night about what a blessing it was to have both the river and Grace in my life, and how she is considering naming her own kayak Grace...

I come home and receive messages from loved ones far and wide and am told to remember that I am precious to many...

I give thanks, over and over again, and reflect on words penned by Paramahansa Yogananda more than a generation ago:

"For your many blessings be thankful every day,
not only when the calendar indicates Thanksgiving-time.
The basis for your gratitude should not be material prosperity.
Whether your worldly possessions be many or few,
you are still rich in gifts from God.
Love Him, not for the outward things
He may give you but for His gift
of Himself as your Father."

Amen! And Thank YOU - from the deepest part in the cave of my heart!

For beautiful and inspirational stories about the expression of gratitude from Reiki practitioners, read the Nov. 26th entry, "The Power of Gratitude" by my friend Janet Dagley Dagley at The Reiki Digest:
www.reikidigest.blogspot.com

Gratitude for What Is - and What is Not

This morning I posted on my Facebook status - that I am grateful for what is - and what is not...

Last night, my teacher used the theme of gratitude in class, punctuated with some beautiful examples from her life as she shared some poignant stories about her mother, who could find beauty, goodness, and abundance, even in times that were lean...

One particular story struck me. Once, when it was difficult on my teacher's family financially, her mother took her children to the window and asked them to contemplate the beauty of nature and its magnificent abundance...

There is always something to be grateful for. As I shared with my own students this week, every experience of adversity, opens the door to opportunity...

Here are some wonderful reflections on Gratitude from Paramahansa Yogananda's writings:

"In one of His aspects, a very touching aspect, the Lord may be said to be a beggar. He yearns for our attention. The Master of the Universe, at whose glance all stars, suns, moons, and planets quiver, is running after man and saying: 'Won't you give Me your affection? Don't you love Me, the giver, more than the things I have made for you? Won't you seek Me?'

But man says: 'I am too busy now; I have work to do. I can't take time to look for You.' And the Lord says: 'I will wait.'"

"We put forth our hands to receive God's gifts of life and sun and food and all the other things He bestows on us; but even as we receive them, we are unmindful of the Giver. If you have lovingly given presents to someone and then find out that he never thinks of you, how hurt you would feel! God feels that way, too."

Grace, Gratitude, and the River

If a week passes by without my going into the river, it feels as if something is incomplete in my life...

Yesterday I "eye-balled" the river and meant to go in - even if it was for 30 minutes, but the chance did not quite materialize...

Today I was determined to go in, even though it had rained and there were very visible currents in the river...

Grace and I launched ourselves, and I paddled upstream, staying very near to the Virginia shore - which I never do - in very choppy waters and windy circumstances. While I might have previously shied away from such conditions, I felt exhilarated and the paddling seemed almost effortless...Eventually I found myself paddling upstream smack in the middle of the river...

The sky was blue, the air was crisp and the wind brisk - and I felt so alive and grateful for each moment I got to spend in the water...

I tossed this way and that and imagined what it would be like to paddle in the sea. I also thought of Ann Linnea paddling all over Lake Superior under very treacherous conditions which she documents in her book - Deep Water Passage. I made reference to this book in several blogs this past summer - before I had any idea Grace would come into my life - and that I would name my kayak the same as Ann Linnea's. I had no idea Grace would be such a gift in my life, though I now can see my blog entries were pointing in that direction...

I paddled up three quarters of a way up the first island and then meditated. Instead of simply floating, I was gently tossed and with my eyes closed it seemed as if I were being gently and lovingly massaged. In fact, I imagined that my very soul was being massaged by God through the elements of wind and water while birds of the air provided nature's music...

While in the water, I gave thanks for so many things as I reflected on teaching and subbing a number of classes in the last few days - where I invited students to create a greater opening in their bodies to express and receive gratitude. We worked at opening the shoulders so they could more deeply unveil their hearts...

I also thought of a beautiful young medical doctor - once a high school student of mine - who is battling tumors in her brain and spinal cord. She had to sideline a surgical residency. And while she never complains and accepts everything with grace and maintains hope, I am saddened that she has to suffer so. She has always been a bright light on this planet - and she shines even more brightly now through her ordeal - teaching us all who know and love her - how to live more fully.

I am grateful for her - and all who have come into my life - one way or another. I am grateful for this year full of adversity and loss - that opened the door to opportunity and countless graces and gifts. I am grateful for all the painful experiences I've had for they have taught me how to be more compassionate. I am grateful for the life I am able to live which affords me ample time to practice and commune with this river just about any time I wish.

And I am grateful for God's continued presence and protection in my life. Indeed - who could ask for anything more?

I paddled back, and realized I was a little disoriented. With all the leaves gone and my very poor sense of depth perception - the Maryland shore and the islands all blended into one - looking like one unbroken shoreline...This river I paddle in, is truly never the same river twice - and I am grateful for that as well...

"Practicing gratitude is like lighting a candle.
Once lit, it enables you to clearly see
blessings in your life
that you may not have otherwise seen."

- Amy Haysman

Apache Blessing

I received a card with a beautiful Apache Blessing that I have read before, and I wish to share it here...

Apache Blessing

may the sun
bring you new energy by day,

may the moon
softly restore you by night,

may the rain
wash away your worries,

may the breeze
blow new strength into your being,

may you walk
gently through the world and know
its beauty all the days of your life.

Season of Gratitude

We enter into the season of gratitude, and even Paramahansa Yogananda marks it in his Spiritual Diary, with a series of readings for the month of November...

"Every day should be a day of thanksgiving
for the gifts of life: sunshine, water,
and the luscious fruits and greens
that are indirect gifts of the Great Giver.

God makes us work so that we
may deserve to receive His gifts.
The All-Sufficient One
does not need our thanks,
however heartfelt,
but when we are grateful to Him
our attention is concentrated,
for our highest benefit,
upon the Great Source of all supply."

In this season amidst so much economic upheaval and strife - but political hope - may we not forget to offer thanks and rely on the Source that supplies all. May we also deepen in our understanding of what it means to be good stewards of all that we have been given and all that we receive.

Connecting with the True Self

Yesterday I shared some excerpts from Namaste, the newsletter put out by the Chopra Center.

Here is a wonderful Sutra Practice that was suggested in this newsletter:

Aham Brahmasmi

"Aham Brahmasmi (ah-HUM brah-MAHS-mee) is a Sanskrit sutra whose English translation is "the core of my being is the ultimate reality, the root and ground of the universe, the source of all that exists." When we repeat this sutra and let it resonate deep within, we expand our awareness of our eternal, unbounded nature...

Begin by meditating for a few minutes, then imagine that you are a crystal bead. You reflect the light of every being in the universe, and your light is reflected in them. Silently repeat the words 'Aham Brahmasmi' and continue to envision yourself a beautiful jewel, reflecting and absorbing the light of the entire universe. Rest in the silence and feel the expansiveness of your being - an expression of the infinite field of intelligence and all possibilities."

Universal Consciousness

Namaste, the Chopra Center newsletter for November, focuses on the the theme of universal consciousness and I wish to excerpt some of its content:

"Infinite worlds appear and disappear
in the vast expanse of my own consciousness,
like motes of dust dancing in a beam of light."
- Yoga Vaishtha

"Each of us exists as a ripple in the conscious intelligence field that gives rise to everything in the universe - our bodies, the stars, the galaxies, and all else. Since we are an inseparable part of this underlying field of intelligence, we are also the source of all reality. In every moment, we are co-creating our world with God, the universe, or spirit.

Both the ancient wisdom traditions and modern science tell us that our bodies, our minds, and the physical world are projections of our consciousness. Only consciousness is real; everything else is projection. As Deepak Chopra often notes, 'You are not in the world; the world is in you.' It is only the veil of illusion - known as maya in the ancient yogic tradition - that keeps us from seeing that everything is pure consciousness. Whe we pierce the veil, we discover the spirit in everything and have access to unlimited creative potential...."

To experience your True Self, chanting the sound of OM is suggested. This is the sound of universal consciousness - and the ancients believed it was the very primordial sound of creation and of the Divine itself.

This wonderful exercise comes from the newsletter:

"Begin by closing your eyes and visualize a beautiful violet light flowing in through the crown of your head. Take a deep breath, and on the exhalation, say OMMMMMM aloud in one long syllable.

Feel the sound vibration and energy flowing throughout your body, dissipating all tension and anxiety. Continue breathing deeply and repeat the sound OM on each exhalation, feeling the light infuse your being as you remember your wholeness and oneness with the universe."

The newsletter also suggests some practices for transformation and notes that "intuition, attention, imagination, intention, inspiration, creativity - these are the raw materials of consciousness. With them we can mold our personal reality, and shape our collective reality as well."

It is suggested to take one of the following practices and focus on applying it in your life:

The events in my life reflect who I am.
I will chose one thing that happens today and see how it mirrors my self...

The people in my life reflect aspects of myself.
Each person stands for a quality I want to see in myself or reject...

Whatever I pay attention to will grow.
I will take an inventory of how I'm using my attention...

My true self is pure, unbounded consciousness.
I will remember that thoughts come and go, but the core of consciousness is forever...

Much to ponder in these excerpts! For the full newsletter see:
http://chopra.com/namaste/universal

Kriya Yoga and Anniversaries

I begin this day of the first snow flurries of the season - fully conscious that two very memorable anniversaries for me both take place on this day - changing the course and direction of my life...

The most important for me spiritually, is that a year ago I began my Kriya Yoga meditation practice. I had been drawn to this practice for more than a decade before I was ready to commit to it as a life-long practice. Like everything, there is a right time, and moment, and place...

I sit in meditation early in the morning, and feel moved to the core and only wish I had more time to sit - for I do not want to emerge from this most blessed experience...

I open to the reading for this day - never once anticipating the journey this sacred practice would lead and guide me through. It has been both a blessing and gift - not merely for this year of life - but for all of eternity:

"The true devotee's heart is always saying:
'My Lord, my Lord, I do not want to become ensnared
in the delusory drama of Thy creation.
I want no part of it except to help in establishing
Thy temple in the souls of men [and women!]
My heart, my soul, my body and mind -
everything belongs to Thee.'
Such devotion reaches God.
That devotion knows God."

I hope and pray that in this life, my devotion continually deepens until I too - can totally release myself from all the delusory drama that seeks to hold me captive. I recall my insights of yesterday - and how our experiences are simply details - they do not define who we are at our soul essence.

I also find it significant and symbolic that my yoga weekly planner chose to focus on Kriya Yoga as its entry during my birthday week. I share some excerpts from last week:

"Kriya means 'to make happen,' 'to transform,' 'to do.' Kriya Yoga is most often thought of as an integration of Jnana [Wisdom] and Raja [Royal] Yoga. The methods taught range from breathing techniques for moving energy up and down the spine to meditation as self-discipline, introspection, and devotion in everyday life. These varied aspects influence the mind and lead to exploration, understanding, and realization of 'Self.'

Walk your talk. Make it a priority to embrace self-discipline and accountability at home and at work. Do exactly what you say you are going to do. You'll feel great when you honor your personal commitments. Practice the essence of namaste by seeing the divine nature of everyone you meet."

And finally, this beautiful quote from Paramahansa Yogananda:

"The spine is the highway to the Infinite.
Your own body is the temple of God.
It is within your own self that God must be realized.
Whatever places of pilgrimage you visit outwardly,
and whatever outward rituals you perform,
the ultimate religious rite must be
the offering of your life-force
on the altar of inner God-communion."

Blessings In and Out of the River

After teaching this morning, I hurry down to check the river currents, and decide I can go in. But there is much to do - appointments to schedule and errands to run and my time quickly slips away with all of these activities...

I finally steal half an hour in the afternoon and hoist Grace into the back of my car. Getting her in and out quickly is down to a science!

Just before leaving, I stop by the mailbox and open a package containing a beautiful mala bracelet made of rudraksha seeds. Rudraksha seeds are often referred to as the "tears of Shiva" and are considered very sacred and auspicious in India. Malas are used for counting mantras.

This mala was hand made for me by a very special and gifted artist. She chants while she gives birth to her creations and donates a percentage of her proceeds to Ammachi, the living Hindu saint whose ministry is to hug the world and transmit shakti energy to those she embraces. Years ago I experienced the healing power of her energy and found it overwhelming and an incredible, grace-filled experience.

I am touched by the beauty of this mala and the love that was put into it and I think it fitting that I receive it just as I am ready to go to the river. This mala will usher in this coming year of my life which I've been told will be marked by many blessings...She will come into the river with me, and together we will be baptized into a new year...

I go into the river though it is cold. I am appropriately attired and nothing could have stood in my way of going in today. My soul hungered for this connection...

I feel instant peace and release the moment I paddle away - and an incredible sense of freedom bursts forth from my soul...

I paddle with ease and can feel and almost taste snow in the air, and I wonder what it will be like to paddle in the snow!

At some point the insights comes to me that experiences are simply that - experiences - opportunities for us to receive our life lessons, but our essence is not defined by our experiences. They are merely details and in time they will blow away like grains of the sand...

I meditate and give thanks for the many blessings received and the incredible week I have just concluded...

In my classes, I focus on expressing gratitude and share with my students the many wonderful experiences of my birthday week. I conclude by quoting Meister Eckhart who said:

"If the only prayer you ever say -
is thank you,
it would be enough."

And then I share with them this prayer, written by a friend, who shared it with me some time ago. I keep it in my Spiritual Diary with daily thoughts from Yogananda, which I read every morning:

Blessings

Be present.
Let the day flow with grace. Be flexible.
Expect nothing. Give thanks for everything.
Surrender. Be open.
Speak only kindness.
Impart only love.
Never forget that you are not alone.
Give so that you may receive.
See goodness in yourself and others.

If you'd love a shakti-filled mala for yourself, check them out at Nila Bindu:
www.nilabindu.com

Connections and Separation

I begin this wonderful Sunday - that would have been my grandmother's 103rd birthday - by going to a yoga class. I receive the same message in class that I have received from several friends throughout the course of this concluding week - encouraging me to let go of seeing and dwelling on the experience of separation in my life and instead focusing on recognizing the many connections that were budding and growing in my life - and the many instances others were reaching out...

I had one of those - "aha!" moments in class, and everything seemed to come together. This day ended and capped a week of so many wonderful connections made and blessings received. I feel like it was truly a turning point on so many levels...

Yesterday I wrote the lyrics to the song "She Carries Me" in my blog entry. Today I want to share this rendition or modern interpretation of the "Hail Mary" which appears under the notes given for the piece entitled: "She Who Hears the Cries Of the World." This piece accompanies "She Carries Me."

"Hail Mother, full of grace -
power is with thee
Blessed are you, Queen of the Universe
and blessed is all creation.
Holy Mother, maker of all things
Be with us now,
and always, Blessed Be."

She Carries Me

I awaken at dawn to meditate and prepare myself to go sub two yoga classes on the other side of the river...

It is misty, foggy, and drizzling, and I wonder what the river looks like this morning - but I do not have the time to go and find out...

I review the amazing week that I have had and the many blessings and gifts received - of presence, of love, of support...

One of the gifts I received was a CD entitled "She Carries Me," by Jennifer Berezan. A lone boat floats on the very surreal looking cover comprised of many different shades of blue - blending in a very impressionistic way...

I reflect on the lyrics of the title song and find so many layers of meaning implicit in the words:

"She is a boat, she is a light
High on a hill in dark of night
She is a wave, she is the deep
She is the dark where angels sleep
When all is still and peace abides
She carries me to the other side,
She carries me to the other side...

And though I walk through valleys deep
And shadows chase me in my sleep
On rocky cliffs I stand alone
I have no name, I have no home
With broken wings I reach to fly
She carries me to the other side,
She carries me to the other side...

A thousand arms, a thousand eyes
A thousand ears to hear my cries
She is the gate, she is the door
She leads me through and back once more
When day has dawned and death is nigh
She'll carry me to the other side,
She carries me to the other side...

She is the first, she is the last
She is the future and the past,
Mother of all, of earth and sky
She carries me to the other side,
She carries me to the other side..."

There are no words in me to describe all that these lyrics elicit in the depths of my heart and soul...

I reflect on queries asked of me by a friend, who wanted to know where I was in my healing journey, and whether I had truly ventured to the other side...I cannot fully answer this for it is a process. Much is behind me, but there is still so much to overcome - so much more to traverse - to reach that other side...

But I go forward - and into the river, I paddle, and I float in it, and sometimes struggle to get to the other side as I strive to leave behind what no longer serves...I am carried across in so many ways - I am carried by Grace - my faithful boat - and I am carried by the love and prayers and the support of blessed ones in my life - as I am also carried by the gentle arms of the Divine Mother...

All of these - Grace, the blessed ones in my life - and the gentle Divine Mother are really One - and as the One - it is She who truly carries me...

Sitting by the River

I finished my day last night by meditating with a small group of very dedicated practitioners. It was a fitting ending to a fitting day filled with light and sacredness on so many levels...

Very early this morning, I went down to the river because it was foggy. But it was a different kind of fog when I compare it to the day I went paddling in the river. That day was characterized by purifying and cleansing swirling mists which engulfed everything in sight - including me...

This morning, it was gray, and still, and calm, and beautiful...

As I sat on the rocks, I thought of the bench further up, where I sat for most of the year, and I knew that it was what I had to do. I had to sit by the river for all of those many months on that bench and wait to be invited closer and much further in, even though I had no idea I would eventually leave the safety of this bench...

I had to sit by the river and learn each lesson it had to teach me - each one unfolding in its due time...

I had to sit by the river in silence and wait until it decided to speak to me - yielding up its wisdom and insights...

I had to sit by the river and be open enough to read every message left for me to discover - engraved in every leaf, and every river current, and in every creature that I encountered...

I had to sit by the river to learn to listen - to really listen - for the first time in my life...

I had to sit by the river to learn humility and the art of truly letting go...

I had to sit by the river and wait until I was instructed and invited to respond...

I had to sit by the river until it told me that it was time to come inside...

I had to sit by the river until I was ready - never once foreseeing what was coming...

I have journeyed far and wide and long this year - into the depths and every hidden corner of my heart - and even though I have traveled miles and distances from one end of this country to the other - no journey has been longer, harder, and deeper than the one within in my heart...

I was brought to the river for many Divine reasons which were seen and unseen. I know now that it was preordained...

Before I left, I stepped into the river once again, while a flock of birds sailed above me, joyously flying upstream, and disappearing into the fog...

Yes - being brought to this river was no accident, and as I sit in waiting this morning, I know that it all comes back - full circle...

53 Anjaneyasanas

I arise before dawn to sit and meditate in the darkness...

My Master's words for the day fill my senses:

"The Searcher of Hearts wants only your sincere love.
Someone may offer Him his whole wealth and He doesn't want it;
and another cries out to Him, 'O Lord, I love You!'
And into that devotee's heart He comes running.

Don't see God with any ulterior motive,
but pray to Him with devotion -
unconditional, one-pointed, steady devotion.
When your love for Him is as great
as your attachment to your mortal body,
He will come to you."

I reflect on the sacred lessons that came to me a year ago and launched me on my Kriya Yoga practice - forever linking my meditation to my birthday, for on that day, God gave me the key to His heart...

I remember a dearly beloved grandmother who left the earth plane on this day, 8 years ago...

I offer 53 anjaneyasanas in a modified series of salutations, since my body is not up for more than that...This is the pose that for me most exemplifies devotion, and it is the signature pose in the Anusara Yoga logo...There was a time I went into this pose very deeply, but not so today, except for a few at the end...

I offer and do each round slowly, not so much focusing on each individual year in my life as I have done in the past, but more as a reflection on my practice and abiding in the present moment...

I finish and surrender the concluding year and the coming one - asking not that my wishes be granted but that the Divine's will be done...

I meet a dear intuitive friend for brunch, who reminds me that the rain falling on this day is a sign of good fortune as well as cleansing...She shares pertinent insights as she always does and gives me a gift of a CD entitled "She Carries Me..." The cover has a lone boat floating on a river and I will write later about this for it is symbolic on so many levels...

I go to the river in my boots when the rain stops...There are almost no leaves anywhere but a few manage to fall on me...

I step into the river and chant my Reiki meditations and mantras and release all that does not serve. I release the year that has ended and the one which is to come repeating over and over again, "Thy will be done..."

I release burdens and karma I have carried for others and ask Jesus and Yogananda to transmute them so that others may be free as well...I bend down and baptize myself with the water and make the sign of the cross...

I receive a series of astrological charts that contain a wealth of insights for me to ponder - sent by another intuitive friend...

(more later)

A River Denuded

On this eve of ending one year of my life, and beginning another, I go down to the river and for the first time wear my boots and gloves and have to loosen the straps on my PFD (Personal Flotation Device) to make room for my jacket and heavier shirt.

It is cold and overcast, and the trees and the broad expanse before me are literally naked...There is nothing and no where to hide...

I come here, because it is supposed to rain tomorrow and I will not be able to go inside...

The river is breathtakingly beautiful - denuded...empty - and yet so full...

I paddle up to the end of the first island, meditate and float downstream for a while and revel in the absolute silence...

The river and I - we are both empty - and yet richly textured in our fullness as well. There are so many yet undiscovered layers to us...

I think of so many things - and also recall the transition of a grandmother who left this earth on my 45th birthday...

I am still amazed I am on this river, and I spontaneously recall how I almost drowned in a river once as child, as I was sucked into a whirlpool. I tried to fight it, and it pulled me in more deeply. One brave soul dove in and pulled me out. I have always respected water since then, and had nearly forgotten this memory...

I marvel at all the messages I receive from people I would never have imagined, including a beautiful email from someone in cyberspace who stumbles on my web site and shares the insights and inspirations he gleans. An obviously gifted intuitive, he notes the impact of this site on many. I respond that my site and blog are indeed a labor of love...

My body aches from my yoga class last night and I consider what ritual I will do tomorrow, on a day which is also the full moon and which invites sacred releasing...

I reflect on the theme of my lessons this week:

"Let go of holding on and hold on to letting go..."

It is a sacred mantra which I repeat in many permutations as I invite my students to let go of all that does not serve them. I lead them through twisting poses of many varieties - standing, sitting, and supine - instructing them to deepen and detox - and to purify and create more space within to usher in the new. Indeed, it is a cleansing of the body temple which houses the spirit.

I paddle at times without effort and give gratitude for the support and love received from a life partner who reminded me, in the words of my favorite 14th century English Mystic, Julian of Norwich, that:

"All shall be well.
And all shall be well...
And all manner of things shall be well..."

The River is Wide, Windy, and Bare

I go down to the river, hoping to put in, but it is too windy and the currents look strong...I have new gear for Grace I want to try out but it must wait...

I drive in and notice that the river is bare - the leaves have dropped and there is a view of the river that has not been accessible for nearly a year...It is so beautiful to see the river in all its glorious nakedness...

I walk down to the rocks and survey the broadness and width of the river. It looks so different than it did mere days ago...

I am touched by the gift my students gave me today - my heart is so warmed by their affection...

I begin a week with many special moments to come and give thanks...

Insights Come

I go for a walk in the late fall afternoon, and notice how so many leaves dropped in one mere day. Yesterday morning, as I stood on my deck, the trees were still half clothed. But this moring, many dropped their remaining leaves and I can see farther than I have in months...

I watch so many raking their lawns as i walk and ponder so many Lessons from Yogananda and his disciples...

"We make too much of feeling...
What does it matter how you feel?
Bear your lot as long as it is the will of God
that you should do so.
Act rightly, and in due time
the right feeling of peace and joy will come."

"God has proven that when He is with me
all the necessities of life become unnecessary.
In that consciousness you become
more healthy than the average person,
more joyous, more bountiful in every way.
Don't seek little things;
they will divert you from God."

"Don't live just in this little cage of the body.
Your Real Self is in the cage and also outside the cage..."

"You are a child of the Infinite..."

Beautiful words to ponder - but most all to embody...

Two Views

I received this from The Inner Journey Newsletter and found it to be both relevant and timely...

"No matter what our difficulties may be,
recognize that there is a deep untroubled stream
flowing below all surface troubles
and that we are of one substance with this stream.
The soul knows no difficulties."
- James Thornton

"True self simply refers to the aspect of our being
that is completely aware of its expanded nature
no matter what we may be experiencing in our lives."
- Martia Nelson

Masters teach that we can experience two completely different states of reality at the same time - from the personality and from the soul.

Author Pema Chodron talks about being hungry, cold and tired but at the same time deeply content. Ram Dass speaks of how the emotional heart can be breaking while we recognize that all is infolding perfectly.

Allowing our soul to be present with the discomforts of the personality - shifts our experience of the discomforts.

River Milestones

It is an incredible day today - sunny and warm, climbing up into the seventies, so unusual for an early November day...

I drive into the park in the morning before going to teach and the river looks still and calm. I come back and launch myself at around 11:30 AM...

I have no intention of being out in the water for a long time, but I keep setting one goal after another for myself. Let me get to this spot. And now to that one...Before I know it, this has become an adventure and self test. How far can I go?

The rower I met the other day launches himself at the same time that I do and he quickly disappears - covering much more territory than I can or do. I wonder what it is like to row backwards and not see where you are going? It seems so odd to me...

I pass all my favorite spots and am intrigued by something white I see much further upstream. What is it? I have asked myself this question several times. Today I am determined to find out...

I paddle and paddle and feel myself tiring, but I have got to go find out what this white thing is that I see. Is it a building? Some kind of structure? If I don't get there - I will regret it. I want to know - and I refuse to give up!

I travel halfway up the second island - and finally go further than I ever have. I pass another crude looking boat launch area...I see a lone blue heron - but he does not look at me, so I paddle on...

I also see a largemouth bass pass me on my left. It too, ignores me, so I keep paddling on...

I pass one lone fisherman and exchange pleasantries - and still am determined to paddle on...I am so close...

I pass houses on my left and imagine what it would be like to literally live on the river - having it be the first thing I see every morning...

Finally, I approach this white thing on my left - which turns out to be a shelter of some sort, surrounded by a private boat ramp and several boats. As I come closer to take a look, I note that I see a clearing - and indeed, the "end" to the island on my right. Though I am tired, I summon the resolve to round that point and paddle down the wider portion of the Maryland side of the Potomac River...

But the currents are strong here - and I find myself on a channel of sorts - and the water barely an inch or so below me. It is very rocky and I push against the currents. I stop to catch my breath and in seconds lose all the ground I had worked so hard to attain...

I wonder if I should give up - but I remember Obama's mantra and say to myself: "Yes, I can!" I repeat this over and over, until I push myself around the corner with my new paddle practically scraping the riverbed...

"Yes, I can!"

I paddle away from the current using every last bit of energy and then rest in the middle of the river, my heart pounding, but my soul triumphant at having prevailed...

For a moment I look upstream, and note now close Lansdowne is to me, but I begin the journey back, which doesn't quite take as long, though I must stop and rest here and there - my biceps feeling pretty tired. I can feel my heart beating in my chest...

But the vistas are worth it - the clouds and trees reflected in the water, and I think of all the lessons and all the fears that I have confronted on this river...

I want to be back home but I know there is no way that I can rush things - I will get there when I get there...

I pass a kayaker who is at some distance from me - but we wave and greet. I see others off in the distance here and there as well...

I slowly make my way back noting that today was not a day for meditation - it was a day for laboring and working hard on this river - and then enjoying the fruits of this work. Once more, the river is a metaphor for my life. It is showing me the way - and the clearing and coming around the corner is not far behind...

I come in from the water and speak to a couple about to launch. They have not angled around the island as I did - but have contined on straight where the river narrows and eventually reaches a dam. They say it is beautiful there. I will have to explore it one day. But for today, I have accomplished much...

I bask in the awareness that new milestones were reached...

Making a Difference

Like many others, I watched a lot of the TV coverage on the aftermath of this most historic election. One of the emails that I received is worth sharing and comes from Barbara De Angelis' newsletter, someone I have had the pleasure of meeting at Anusara Yoga workshops. I think it summarizes the sentiments of many.

Regardless of how we may have all individually voted, now is the time to come together as a nation and create a future based on all the things that really matter and which unite us. Let us never forget the intrinsic unity that is disclosed so richly and magnificently in all our resplendant diversity!

November 4, 2008

TO ALL FELLOW TRAVELERS ON THE PATH

In this auspicious moment
as a Great Change dawns in America
and for our whole planet,
I celebrate and honor each of you who has been
an undeniable part of this historic transformation.

For as you have courageously walked the path of growth
month after month, year after year,
decade after decade,
and worked to shift, to heal,
to open yourself to high vision and deep wisdom,
so you have helped to manifest this moment in time--
a moment when it became possible
for tens of millions of people to reclaim
their own vision, their own hope,
their own heart's longing for awakening.

In your own quiet moments of challenge
that ended in triumph,
in your own private battles with darkness
that ended in Light,
in your own secret struggles with fear
that you transmuted into faith and freedom,
you have made the personal choice for the Great Change
that is just now symbolically revealing itself
in this time and space.

YOU HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCEE.
YOU HAVE CHANGED THE WORLD.

Thank you for living your True Purpose.
May the Great Transformation continue!

Offered in love and service,
Barbara De Angelis

The Dawn of a New Day and Era

Like many in this country, I stayed up until election results were in, and both concession and acceptance speeches were delivered by two men who rose to the occasion and showed their grace and intrinsic goodness...

Like many in this country, I found the moment very emotional and was moved to see how many people participated in this process, coming together and wanting to be part of a change in a new direction...

Like many in this country, I offer prayers...

Creator and Beloved Divine,
Be with all here, who are Thine.
May we know and feel we are all one--
in every breath we take
and every moment we live.

May we join one another
in rebuilding this nation.
May we put disagreements
and divisiveness behind us--
that we may create
a bigger and brighter future
for our children
and our children's children.

May we sow Peace.
And may we sow Love.
May we always show Compassion.
And may we also reflect Your Grace.

May we never forget
that we are a Spark of the Divine
sent forth from Your Heart
to ultimately come back
to dwell within You--
our Eternal Home.

A New Paddle for Grace

I decide to sleep in, and after my morning meditation, I go down to the river for a while...It is so quiet, and the water as still as it could possibly be. I almost debate whether to go in, but I have decided to spend this Election Day very differently - by engaging in several spiritual practices since I have already voted...

I go to walk the labyrinth and have it practically all to myself for an hour. I am accompanied by one cricket and a few flies which do not move from their various spots. They are silent witnesses to my prayers...

I pick up a meditation slip from the basket of suggestions and it seems so appropriate:

"Take me out of my loneliness,
as I walk toward the quiet center of my heart."

This becomes a mantra that I repeat - over and over again - as I walk in towards the center. I sit there for what seems to be a very long time...

On my way out I begin to recite the mantra again but it morphs into:

"Take me out of my loneliness,
as I walk toward the quiet center of Thy Heart."

So many memories flooding my heart and soul as I walk...

I think of this election and its outcome, and how it is the most important one of my adult lifetime...I think of so many channelings that for years indicated that 2008 through 2012 would be crucial years for our evolution as a species...I also think of Obama losing his grandmother and how bittersweet his experience must be...

I stop at REI on the way home and buy a new paddle for Grace. And of course I come home and take her out onto the river to try it out. I also get a new vest - and both the paddle and the vest are officially a "periwinkle" color - though it seems like a shade of lavendar to me and as close to purple as I can get...

It is overcast and dark, and on the surface of the water float a legion of leaves that have been cast off from their respective trees and homes. I feel one with these leaves - floating in exile...

I meditate briefly and then I float for a while, enjoying the silence, that is only interrupted by the birds and flapping fish...

Just a short time afterwards, raindrops begin to fall and beckon me back to shore...

I know that my days on the water are numbered and I am grateful for the gift of this river...

Forgive the Hurts

The quotes come from the Inner Journey Newsletter, and they certainly will be good to keep in mind as we turn another chapter in our nation's history, and move on, after tomorrow...

"Forgiveness does not change the past,
but it does enlarge the future."
- Paul Boese

"Forgiveness will never fail to free you."
- Jerrold Mundis

"God has a big eraser."
- Billy Zeoli

A Light Look at Life's Journey

I received these quotes recently from The Inner Journey Newsletter, and they seemed appropriate to share. My sister and I are on the brink of celebrating birthdays mere days apart - even though there is almost a ten year difference between us - and I will always be older one of the two. For one year every decade - we actually inhabit the same decade!

Some of these gave me a reason to smile, and I couldn't resist adding some "editorial comments..."

"Inside every older person is a younger person -
wondering what the hell happened."
- Cora Harvey Armstrong.

(You mean - someone else thinks that way also?)

"The hardest years in life
are those between 10 and 70."
- Helen Hayes (at 73)

(I guess that means she knows!)

"Old age ain't no place for sissies."
- Bette Davis

(Amen! I hear you!)

"Thirty-five is when you finally get your head
together and your body starts falling apart."
- Caryn Leschen

(Well, maybe not thirty-five!)

"If you can find a path with no obstacles,
it probably doesn't lead anywhere."
- Frank A. Clark

(This must mean I'm actually going somewhere!)

"I'm looking forward to looking back on all this."
- Sandra Knell

(Are we there yet???)

And, to all of you celebrating birthdays this month - have a great one!

Entering into Stillness

I share the following from the Jewel in the Lotus Newsletter which offers some great suggestions for the coming winter months...

"Enter into stillness. This is the theme for this month.
When you find yourself amid the swirling chaos - become mindful of your energy.
Not always easy, yet it is our practice in this physical plane.
Begin the practice by entering into the stillness within your heart
when you are not surrounded by drama and the activity of daily life.
Be gentle with yourself as you learn to transcend lifetimes of patterning.
Being aware of your own Presence is the way to enter into stillness..."

Ways to Enter into Greater Stillness in Your Life:

Own your power.
Know you are the master of your creations.
Your relationship to self is the most important one.
Know that you are always protected.
Take time for yourself everyday.
Lovingly parent your inner child.
Know that we are all ONE.
Practice non-attachment.
Simplify your life.
Every interaction is an opportunity to heal.
Practice forgiveness.
Look for the positive in all situations.
Be aware of the Divinity within.
Practice Peace in all areas of your life.
Become a Spiritual Warrior.
Live with Integrity.
Be humble.
Have a Gentle Heart.
Be non-reactive.
Live consciously.
Be the embodiment of Spirit on Earth.

For more information see:
www.jewelofthelotus.com/newsletter.html