To Die Slowly and to Live Fully

What does a life well lived look like? Conversely, what are the characteristics of one that is wasted and squandered away?

As I reflect more deeply on the meaning of life and death, I reviewed a Power Point presentation that my mother sent me recently of a poem attributed to Pablo Neruda, the Chilean poet who spent a portion of his life in exile, and who was also the subject of the wonderful movie, "Il Postino," in the mid-nineties, although some of my online research, disputed his authorship. Still, I was captivated by its message.

I read between the verses of "Muere Lentamente" or "Die Slowly," and discovered a manifesto for living one's life as fully and completely as possible. I offer it here, in an adapted translation, as the perfect "book end" companion to my recent entries...

Die Slowly

The one who becomes a slave to habit,
who follows the same routines every day,
who never changes pace,
and does not risk changing the color or style of clothing,
or who refuses to speak to strangers,
dies slowly.

The one who shuns passion,
who prefers black rather than white,
and never yields to a whirlpool of emotions,
the kind that makes eyes glimmer,
and turns a yawn into a smile,
and makes the heart burst with feeling,
dies slowly.

The one who does not turn things topsy-turvy,
who is unhappy at work,
who does not risk in the face of uncertainty
to follow a dream,
and does not forgo sound advice at least once,
dies slowly.

The one who does not travel,
who does not read,
who does not listen to music,
who does not find grace within,
dies slowly.

The one who slowly destroys his own self-esteem,
who does not permit others to help,
who spends days on end complaining
about bad luck,
and the rain that never stops,
dies slowly.

The one who abandons a project before starting it,
and fails to ask questions on subjects unknown,
dies slowly.

Let's try and avoid death in small doses,
reminding ourselves that being alive
requires an effort far greater
than the simple fact of of breathing.

Only a burning patience will lead
to the attainment of a splendid happiness.

Aligning with the Divine

Today I woke up feel very down, but in the morning I was reminded of the title of this blog - "Aligning with Grace" - which means in essence, to live from a place where we are always aligning with the Divine...

I shared with my students this morning, that I do not always feel like I align with the Divine. One of them seemed very surprised I said this, because she felt that I do this. I gently noted, that I strive to align with the Divine for the most part in my words and actions, but that I know I often miss the mark...

I was reminded of the importance of aligning with the Divine, as I read the daily update on my friend Lili Cunningham, who is transitioning. Her husband Bill, titled the post, "Turning to the Light." And I thought to myself, when we align with the Divine - we turn towards the light, as a sunflower does, which the update duly noted. My friend always did that, for she lived fully and deeply, in all her experiences and encounters. Now, in her slow and final journey toward the light, she is showing her friends and family how to align with perfect grace, embodying light...

I was also reminded of this when I read Desiree Rumbaugh's newsletter, an Anusara Yoga certified teacher who has been one of my favorite for over a decade. I have never once come away from a workshop with her and not felt more filled with delight. Her own light and grace and laughter is contagious. She has not escaped her own deep trials and challenges. Still, she wrote such incredibly touching words, that I wish to excerpt a portion here, though I encourage you to explore her website. (A link is provided at the end of this entry):

"How does it feel to be aligned with the Divine?

• Whenever we have a positive thought, a feeling of joy, or a sense of peace and contentment, we are aligned with all that we are, with our Divine essence.
• When we are being creative, productive and stimulated by new ideas, we feel alive and full of energy.
• When we are using our gifts and making a difference in the lives of others, we feel satisfied and content with life as it is.
• When we are thinking thoughts and speaking words of appreciation for the blessings in our lives, we are connected to the bigger part of ourselves that is kind, generous and radiant.

Conversely, when we feel afraid or sad or angry, it is because we have become disconnected from the wiser Universal Spirit.

Feelings of scarcity, unfairness or dissatisfaction are signals from the depths of our Being, directing us to ask questions and then take some action. The larger part of us is only satisfied when connected to the Light because that is who we are. The Spirit within longs to be connected with joy, love and peace. Whenever that happens, for any of us, we bring healing light to the world. When we become disconnected, we bring more negative energy.

As the New Year unfolds, may we spend more and more time connected to our inner Light."

I could literally hear Desiree saying these words, as if she were scanning a class full of students, connecting with each and every one compassionately, in that way that she manages to always do so gracefully. I could imagine her looking at me, inviting me to step into the Light and to align more deeply with the Divine...

Our lives are a journey of aligning and dancing with the Divine. Sometimes we are out of step, and out of sync - but we come back to it now and again. It is good to be reminded of these things - as one friend who lived her life fully comes to the completion of this lifetime, and another who has arisen like the phoenix from the ashes of deep sorrow - points the way to more deeply align with the Divine.

For more information on Desiree and her teaching schedule, visit:
www.desireerumbaugh.com

Arms of Love

I arise and step into a day of silence, for Tuesdays is often a hallowed gift to myself - a day that I allow to unfold in whatever way the Spirit moves and prompts...

But today, I am filled with thoughts, and love, and prayers, for a friend who is transitioning, and I turn to read, as I have every morning now for weeks and months, the daily entry describing the details of her previous day...

Today, all of us - near and far - who are following this journey, are praying, and standing vigil, knowing that the end is finally very near...

I read today's posting, and find it heart-breaking, and though I am not physically present at her bedside, my heart is very much there. I find myself revisiting memories of happier days, as we began marriages, over 30 years ago, and had children, who have long since grown into adulthood...

I visit the river which is quite and cold. A crest of waves literally frozen in place fascinates me, as a squirrel scampers about. I tell him to be careful, lest he crack the ice and endanger himself...

I go for a long walk, thinking of my friend - and of the meaning of life - trying to imagine what it must be like for her to be suspended between two worlds and the love that tugs at her in both places. I marvel at how so many have been touched by her story and are being cleansed, purified, and transformed by her process, and I wonder if I could ever impact others in this same incredible way...

So many questions arise in my heart and float inside my head in desperate search of answers. I find solace in songs and lyrics by Amy Grant, and imagine my friend, and indeed all of us, surrounded in the loving arms of God...

"Lord, I'm really glad You're here
I hope you feel the same when You see all my fear,
And how I fail,
I fall sometimes
It's hard to walk on shifting sand.
I miss the rock, and find there's nowhere left to stand;
I start to cry.
Lord, please help me raise my hands so You can pick me up.
Hold me close. Hold me tighter.

I have found a place where I can hide.
It's safe inside Your arms of love.
Like a child who's helped throughout a storm,
You keep me warm in Your arms of love.

Storms will come and storms will go.
Wonder just how many storms it takes until
I finally know You're always here.
Even when my skies are far from gray,
I can stay; teach me to stay there..."
~ "Arms of Love"

I know my friend is there - in those arms of love. And I know her family is there as well, indeed, as we all are...I think of someone who wrote me today that I have not met, who thanked me for my writings, and who acknowledged that the world is filled with so much more love than she could ever have imagined, and I also know that this is true...

I walk and walk, in the biting cold, feeling alone, but knowing that I am not, surrounded by angels and spirits and love, in realms seen and unseen, knowing that my friend, and many like her, are now journeying to the other side, arriving before the rest of us - privy to experiences that will soon be ours and mine as well, when we all come face to face, with God's Presence, in the next life, and I sing to myself, the song "Imagine" by Amy Grant:

"I can only imagine what it will be like
When I walk by Your side
I can only imagine what my eyes will see
When Your face is looking at me.

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for You Jesus, or in awe of You be still?
Imagine, I can only imagine...

I can only imagine all creation bowed down
The whole universe saying Your name out loud
I can only imagine all our broken lives
Resurrected in the healing light...

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for You Jesus, or in awe of You be still?
Will stand in Your Presence or to my knees will fall?
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine, I can only imagine..."
~ "Imagine"

I can only imagine...And yes, of course this leads to more questions, but somehow, on some level, I intuit the needed answers...

All You Need is Love

I awaken before dawn, before going off to teach, and take a moment to check in at my computer to read the daily blog posting, so beautifully and eloquently describing a friend's gradual transition from this life. Her husband lovingly documents this incredible journey, which has inspired and touched souls all over the world...

I am moved to read, that despite having a day where my friend was largely unconscious, she rouses herself long enough, to sing the Beatles's song, "All You Need is Love," to the roomful of friends that have gathered there, to enfold her in their loving presence...

I feel my heart swell, and almost break, for indeed, this simple song tells the greatest truth, and once again I realize, my friend is teaching me how to live, with passion and great abandon, and to acknowledge what is truly important, as she slowly slips away from this life...

I also realize, that my friend is not only transmuting all vestiges of her ego into love, as her husband wisely observes, but she is also transmuting all of ours - inviting us to release all that does not serve, so that we can more genuinely and purely receive and reflect the essence of love...

If that is not yoga - I do not know what is!

If that is not love - then nothing else can be...

I briefly scan my in box, and note that several messages there, are messages of love - given and conveyed, some arriving unexpectedly from people I have not seen or spoken to in years or decades, and I begin to internally recite "All you need is Love!" I recite this over and over again throughout the day, as if it were a mantra - throughout my early morning drive with the sun rising in the sky and in my heart - I recite it, and strive to embody it, in my teaching, and in my celebration of a 30th anniversary later in the evening...

We cannot know all that will be in our lives - or the reasons for those things that are - or are not - but I believe they are all part of a bigger picture and a much greater plan. Still, the simple reality of why we are here - and why we have been given the lives that we have - is to learn to give, receive, and embody love as fully and as genuinely as we can. Nothing else matters...

A Course in Miracles simply offers this lesson: "Teach only love, for that is what you are..."

Every act, every moment, every lesson, every friendship and relationship, every job, every decision, and every difficulty and conflict that is encountered - is nothing more and nothing less than an opportunity to learn, to experience, and to become the embodiment of love itself, as an infinite expression of all its countless manifestations...

In the late afternoon, I pick up The Book of Awakening, by Mark Nepo, and I read this entry:

To See with Love

"Enlightenment is intimacy with all things."
~ Jack Kornfield

"Each of us spins repeatedly from blindness to radiance, from dividedness to wholeness, and it is our impulse to stay in touch with all that is alive that keeps us from staying lost. It is the impulse to be intimate...

It is love that keeps us moving back into wholeness when divided. To love by admitting our connection to everything is how we stay well. Allowing the current of another's inwardness to connect with our own is the beginning of both intimacy and enlightenment..."

Love invites us to tear down walls, rend veils, to become all that we can be - it asks that we see with new eyes - that we transmute, transform, and change fundamentally - all that we think, and are, and do, and become - until we are nothing less than a true spark of the Divine, shining light everywhere, eternally, for truly, what else is there?

Somewhere Down the Road

The day is bitterly cold and windy, and armed with my ipod, I step into the deep winter morning that cuts like a knife, though the sunlight is shining brightly...

I reflect on the fact that at 55, I have reached an age where my friends have started to die...

I do not visit the river today, nor tread on its towpath, instead I navigate the walking path that ambles through different sections of my neighborhood, and which I have walked for nearly two decades of my life...

I am deeply moved by the process of a friend who is not long for this world. She is truly teaching me how to live on so many levels...

I wrestle with profound philosophical and theological questions during my brisk walk in the biting wind, recalling the night of "Faith and Worship," an ecumenical prayer service I attended last evening at Georgetown Visitation Preparatory School, where I had chaired the Theology Department for twelve years. I was moved by all of the panelists and their sharing, and most especially by the Imam who is the Muslim Chaplain at Georgetown University, which borders the school I once worked at. The Imam began by praying the Shema in Hebrew, followed by prayers in Arabic and English, noting how no one can be a good Jew, Muslim, Hindu, Christian, or Buddhist, if he or she does not embrace all of his brothers and sisters in other traditions, as part of him or herself...

There is a fundamental unity that is disclosed in diversity. We are reminded of this in life and in death most especially, for none of us escape its embrace. We come face to face with the fact that we are all one at our essence, when we walk down the road of our life...

My heart is full, and breaking open, so many feelings and emotions hold me captive, as I listen to the newest record by Amy Grant, that I downloaded this morning, appropriately titled, "Somewhere Down the Road..."

I listen to the songs - "Better than a Hallelujah," "Every Road," "Somewhere Down the Road," "Overnight" - and many others, all disclosing needed messages at a time I find myself at a crossroads, personally, professionally, and in many other ways, not sure of what direction to take, or what the next step will be - but somehow knowing, that somewhere down the road, I may have clearer insights...

So much becomes clearer in hindsight. I walk and I ask why this, and why that, and the insight gently comes, that it is useless to question, and over-analyze things and situations, because we will never know or see the big picture - at least not here...And somehow, that gentle insight comes wrapped in greater peace...

So I walk, I reflect, I listen to lyrics, and do the only thing I can in the face of so many questions, and that is simply to pray and then surrender to the grace of God...

"So much pain and no good reason why
You've cried until the tears run dry
And nothing here can make you understand
The one thing that you held so dear
Is slipping from your hands
And you say

Why, why, why
does it go this way
Why, why, why
And all I can say is

Somewhere down the road
There'll be answer to the questions
Somewhere down the road
though we cannot see it now
Somewhere down the road
You will find might arms reaching for you
And they will hold the answers
At the end of the road."
~ "Somewhere Down the Road

"Every road that's traveled teaches something new
And every road that's narrow pushes us to choose
And I'd be lying if I said,
I had not tried to leave a time or two
But every road that leads me,
Leads me back to you.

Here we stand in the middle of what we've come to know
It's a dance, it's a balance, holding on and letting go
But there is nothing that we can't resolve
When love's at stake,
When love's involved..."
~ "Every Road"

"If it all just happened overnight,
You would never learn to believe
In what you cannot see...

Take it a day, a day at a time.
One foot in front of the other
Take a day, a day at a time,
No need to hurry...
It won't happen overnight..."
~ "Overnight"

A Kumbhaka Phase of Life

My life and schedule opened up unexpectedly this morning, given to me as a gift, so I made my way down to the river, which I had not visited since last week...

The day before yesterday we had an ice storm, so schools were canceled. I tried to go out for a walk, but came back home after nearly killing myself in the process. But today, everything was melting, and the sun was shining through the clouds.

I was down at the river a little later than I usually am - some time during the mid-morning, and the river was beautiful. It was warmer, and the sun was peaking through the clouds, and it felt delicious to turn my face towards it and soak in its healing rays. The ice covering the river seem more thin - and overhead I could hear the ice melting off of the trees, dripping onto the partially thawed ice on the grass as well. The air was fresh, and I filled my lungs with it.

Overhead, two crows danced from one maple tree to the other, and then settled down. Soon, they were joined by a cacophony of birds chirping everywhere. They seemed to be relishing in the relative warmth of this day, and the thawing ice...

As I looked out at the river, I was struck by how once more, the river seemed to be a metaphor for my life. Here we were, in the dead of winter, between seasons - between deep freeze, and perhaps another storm on the horizon. Here I was, my own heart thawing, thanks to Hanuman, and several recent experiences. It occurred to me, that I was in a "kumbhaka" phase of my life - a sacred pause between what has been - and what will be in my life...

I am deeply moved by the life journey of a friend who seems to have entered her final phase. It has made me reflect on my own life and how it has been lived and where it is going - where I put my attention and my efforts - and where I do not - how I have given of myself - and what I have yet to do...

I reflect on the role of effort and surrender, of renunciation, and letting go, of the redemptive role of suffering, and the miracle of life and love...

I have been drawn into this sacred pause in my life by a constellation of different factors and events - and I recall the words of Macrina Wiederkehr who once wrote:

"Sacred is the pause
that brings us into stillness."

Yesterday, I wrote about leaving my house in order. I feel drawn to doing deep, interior work right now - meditating, contemplating, reflecting, re-discovering aspects of myself, connecting to the Divine - and relying more deeply, on my inner resources. It is a very interesting phase to be in...

This month, I have been consumed with emptying closets, and drawers, organizing these places in my home, which invite me to do the same in my heart as well. Why - I am not quite sure. But I only know, that I must do this...

I wrote to a friend today, that I am in the midst of deep reflection and re-assessing my life on many fronts. There is a time to expand and a time to contract. Everything can be reduced to spanda - to pulsation - and everything dances between these two movements. It is a fundamental teaching acknowledged by many teachers of Anusara Yoga, and physicists as well.

Yes, there is contraction and expansion - as there is also the in breath and the out breath - and the sacred pause between them both, so impregnated with the Divine. It is in this "kumbhaka" - this sacred pause - that I find myself right now...

I truly know and believe, that "sacred is the pause, that brings us into stillness..." In time, all will be made clear...

Renunciation, Detachment and Letting Go

I've been thinking a lot about renunciation and detachment, and the process of letting go...

Such things are never easy, and I wonder if they are ever fully learned, because they seem to arise as lessons we must re-visit over and over again...

I attended a book club this weekend, and the selection chosen was Ram Dass' Paths to God: Living the Bhagavad Gita. I realize now, I was meant to read this book, because of some very specific lessons...

I'll start off by saying that I've never been particularly drawn to Ram Dass or his writings, and I only heard him speak once, about six years ago. And while some parts of this book are genuinely dated, and stem from a series of lectures he delivered on the Gita in the seventies, there were still some parts that spoke to me, and to a number of things that I have been reflecting on these last few weeks...

So, I have chosen to note some of these passages here. I could write a dissertation on each one of these passages - and on the notions of sacrifice, detachment, letting go, and renunciation, from a personal, philosophical, and theological perspective. Something inside me is itching to do so, but this post would become much longer than I intend. Instead, I choose to copy some profoundly relevant and insightful parts, so that it may speak to you on whatever level you are meant to hear...

"The Gita says 'offer, as a sacrifice [your] own soul in the fire of God.' Now we're exploring a new possibility - the possibility that the sacrifice is not of some object, but of ourselves...

What desire do we use to give up desires? We use the desire to offer it all in sacrifice. All of it, even the desire to make the sacrifice, becomes the sacrificial offering...

Yoga is sacrifice...Krishna refers to that. 'Know that sacrifice is holy work, but greater than any earthly sacrifice is the sacrifice of sacred wisdom, for wisdom is in truth the end of all holy work. You learn it all, and then you offer it all up...

The act of creation is always an act of sacrifice. It's a sacrifice for the One to give up its Oneness and become the many...Sacrifice awakens us to the fact that we are part of a process, part of a divine play...

But you know, you really don't have to worry about whether everybody else is doing it or not. You just begin to get your own house in order...

How about suffering? Are you offering your suffering to God? Another thing that people must sacrifice is their suffering. Nothing can be attained without suffering, but at the same time one must begin by sacrificing suffering. As that happens, a shift takes place inside of you. You begin to see your suffering as grace...

Renunciation is related in a certain way to sacrifice; they are acts of purification, designed to cut us loose from the tie that binds us to the worldly realms...

Practices of purification are essentially techniques for putting ourselves in a position where we are prepared to experience direct, first hand knowledge of the [Divine]...Gita: 'For the man who forsakes all desires, and abandons all pride of possession and self, reaches the goal of peace supreme...'

The attraction of our senses is what keeps us stuck, and the process that the Gita seems to be recommending here is to renounce the senses...

We find we have to keep living in the marketplace until we learn how to transmute its energies - all its energies...

We are chained by the chain of our possessions. Possessions can be emotional, or intellectual as well...

In time, we begin to see the way the bonds of our attachments, be they physical or intellectual or emotional ones, are keeping us from something we want much more than we want the stuff we are attached to. That's when we start to see the appeal of reducing both our physical and our psychological possessions, to bring a kind of clean simplicity into our lives...

We may want to examine our relationship to all the stuff in our lives, to see if there are places where we want to let go of some of our clingings. The Ashtavakra Gita says, 'The sage, who has no attachment, does not suffer, even in the world...'"

Reflect on these passages as I have. Break them open. Let them become food for you soul, and let them unlock any needed insights in this moment - the only moment there is...

More Food for the Soul

There are days you feel lost, perhaps confused, and you might be moving with no sense of direction, and even feeling a lack of purpose...

There are times you pray for insights to shake you out of the emotional or spiritual chaos you are experiencing or the perceived turpitude you may be regretting...

And the needed insights come, often, from very unexpected places. Perhaps a friend says the right thing or points you in the right direction...

Or perhaps, you receive the desired message from a perfect stranger - by simply being in the right place at the right time...

Or, maybe you go to a yoga class, like I did today, and your teacher talks about samskaras, imprints that you've created, which leave you feeling like you are stuck in a rut, in more ways than one. And then, all of a sudden you realize, you went to that class to receive the perfect message for you in that moment!

I find that many of the greatest insights I now receive, arrive from almost perfect strangers, on Twitter, or individuals I have connected with - or re-connected with on Facebook. Frankly, it is the most inexpensive therapy that I've ever experienced! And today, was such a day. I received the insights I needed online, as well as in my yoga class...

"You deserve to live more fully.
You are worthy and capable of great things.
So get on with making them happen."
~ Ralph Marston

"Listen to people who deeply inspire you."

"Knock on your inner door.
No other."
~ Rumi

"Why have I been chasing happiness my whole life
when bliss was here the entire time?"
~ Elizabeth Gilbert

"Being is absolutely good.
If it contains any evil,
it is not Being."
~ Shabistari

"Overflow with self-love to have extra love
to shower on others."

"When you're stressed, breathe deep;
when you're sad, breath deep;
when you're in pain,
breathe deep;
when you're happy,
breathe deep."
~ Ganesh Baba

"Thoughts come along selling their wares
and go away if no one is interested."

"Merely assuaging fears and satisfying desires
will not remove this sense of emptiness
you are trying to escape from."
~ Nisargadatta

"You are meant not to judge your life, yourself, or others,
but to love and experience them."
~ The Oracle

"Surrender the need to know,
control, and understand.
It just is."

"We don't choose who to love or how to feel.
We choose our actions in response to it."
~ Douglas Chan

"He that is discontented in one place
will seldom be happy in another."
~ Aesop

"Drop the idea of becoming someone,
because you are already a Masterpiece.
You have only to come to it, to know it,
to realize it."
~ Osho

"God doesn't look at how much we do,
but with how much love we do it."
~ Mother Teresa

"The coming to consciousness
is not a discovery of some new thing;
it is a long and painful return
to that which has always been."
~ Helen Luke

"Lead us from the unreal
to the real."
~ The Upanishads

And there you have it, a day of Tweets, posted in reverse, each one a gem, filled with enough insights to unpack for a lifetime of contemplations. Answers will come from many different sources, and since I have not visited the river in a couple of days, they arrived, as precious gifts, from unknowing souls, and to these, my heart gives thanks...

Food for the Soul

I woke up this morning to a virtual winter wonderland, even though we had a very lean blanket of snow covering the ground. Still, the sun was rising in a cloudless sky, and tree branches were heavy with glistening snow. And the birds, were chirping their little hearts out!

And so, I decided to make my way down to the river before meditating - which is really a "no, no" for me. But alas, only workers of the park were allowed in, so I turned back. I guess that is what I get for not meditating first!

I taught yoga to a lovely student, working her edge a little more deeply, and then went to see my acupuncturist. She worked on my lungs and my "Earth" element, which she noted, are related to grief. And while I have experienced grief recently on several fronts - involving the loss of friends and so forth, my acupuncturist wisely observed that many of her clients were reacting to the tragic shooting of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, and the others who lost their lives senselessly.

On the way home, I decided to stop at Border's and pick up a few books from which to draw some inspiration. I was specifically looking for Rumi: The Big Red Book, since I was too impatient to wait for an online delivery - which of course, would have saved me lots of money. I also found myself browsing the Catholic spirituality section, picking up new translations of classics I devoured and which fed my soul decades ago - such as Treatise on the Love of God, by St. Francis de Sales, and the Cloud of Unknowing. These I purchased. I also considered selections by Anthony de Mello, Henri Nouwen, Mother Teresa of Calcutta, Hildegard of Bingen, and Therese of Lisieux among others. On the way out, I picked up a book that caught my eye, a daybook, with the catchy title, The Book of Awakening, by Mark Nepo.

I came home, made myself some tea, and armed with my books, came upstairs to settle down for a couple of hours of reading.

The Yogi Tea I was imbibing had this quote:

"Where there is love, there is no question."

I pretty much stopped dead in my tracks, because this was the third time or so that I had come across this quote in the last couple of days. I think I may have seen it first on Twitter. I guess I needed to hear that...

What is food for your soul? What nourishes you deeply? Certainly, reading is that for me. For others, it may be something completely different...

In today's entry in The Book of Awakening, I found this quote and suggested practice:

"To know God
without being God-like
is like trying to swim
without entering water."
~ Orest Bedrij

"Close your eyes and be still.
Feel the air on your closed lids.
Let your love wash through your heart and chest.
Let your love breeze up your throat and behind your eyes...
Rise with a simple belief in what you feel and see,
and touch what is before you,
giving your love a way out."

I open the Treatise to chapter 6 and read these words:

"Our love of God is experienced in two ways:
emotional and active, affective and effective.
By the first we conceive.
With the second we give birth."

And then I crack the Cloud, and it opened to this passage:

"The goodness and love of God transcend imperfect motivation.

And then Rumi:

"What is deep listening?
Sema is a greeting from the secret ones
inside the heart, a letter.

The branches of your intelligence
grow new leaves in the wind of this listening..."

And Ramana Maharishi:

"I am not this. Your beauty closes my eyes,
and I am falling into that..."

Yes - and other passages reveal themselves to me, as words and as food for the soul. I chewed them, like a Bordeaux, in the depth of my soul, and though they satiate my spirit, they leave me wanting more...

Will You Say Yes - and Open to Grace?

This morning, with warm coffee in tow, after a very early morning meditation as the sun rose, I went down to the river. It seems, it is calling me to visit again, as I have on and off, at various junctures, throughout these last three years...

Why do I go to the river? I go for companionship. I tell the river my deepest secrets, and things that lie hidden in my heart, and it listens. The river is unconditional. It does not skirt its lessons. I also go down to the river for insights. The river somehow, always manages to teach me what I must learn.

On this day, the river is partially frozen again, and the sky is overcast and gray - very much looking as if it will snow, which is in the forecast for tomorrow.

Last week, I visited several times. On some days, the river rushed with great power. One day - it was perfectly still. On a couple of occasions it was nearly frozen over. I marveled at how drastically it changed from one day to another - somehow mirroring my feelings and state of mind and soul.

Today, it seemed some of the waves had frozen in place - as if in a place of suspended animation, and it became very clear to me, that my own life was somewhat frozen as well. I had no clear sense of direction, and had generally not been feeling very positive about a number of things.

Today, I began teaching my weekly yoga classes again, after a three week hiatus. As I approached the week, I was feeling that I really had very little to give my students in terms of inspiration. If truth be told, I was feeling depleted on many levels...

And then, as it often happens, I had a real sense of what I needed to say, because it was also what I needed to hear...

As it so happens, I always begin every session using the first of the Universal Principles of Alignment in Anusara Yoga, which is "Open to Grace." It's not only a great way to begin a session - but a New Year as well...

Opening to Grace implies that we say yes to whatever life offers us. And so, I read an inspirational post on consciousenergyshifts.com yesterday morning, and it was simply titled: "Will You Say Yes?" The question seemed very fitting, and the essay began with this quote:

"Right now, and in every now-moment, you are either closing or opening. You are either stressfully waiting for something - more money, security, affection - or you are living from your deep heart, opening as the entire moment, and giving what you most deeply desire to give, without waiting." (David Deida)

Yes - as I surveyed the broad expanse of a naked and frozen river, with its waves stuck in suspended animation - I saw myself - stuck in the same place - frozen in the same pattern of self-limiting thought forms, that periodically haunt me.

The short essay continued with its insights:

"Are you living a conditioned life? Life unfolds in each moment. There is no suspension of life force as you decide whether or not you'll say yes to the opportunity before you. There really is only one choice: open or close. Chances are that you are quite familiar with experiences when your choice is, 'Close!' Those are experiences filled with limitation in its infinite manifestations...

Life is risky, even unsettling and downright scary at times...When you're not sure of the outcome or fear flourishes - you know that you are in a dynamic moment. If the desire comes from the core of your being, then this is the moment when possibility is seeking your partnership. What you want also wants you. You are the perfect partner in this moment. Your only option is a choice."

I said to my students this morning, that opening to grace is a choice - one we make over and over again. When we soften, there are discernible qualities associated with that action. We are more receptive. Our breathing slows - and when we connect with it - it brings us more fully into the present moment.

The river summoned me in moments I was feeling disconnected, sorry for myself, and not good enough. It showed itself to me - mirroring what I saw in myself. But it also reminded me, that even in its frozen state, it was teeming with life.

I reminded my students that "opening to grace" IS a choice - and invited them to make that choice over and over again - today - during this week - in this session - and this year. I asked them to open to every moment - and everything it disclosed, for each and every moment asks us to embrace all that is offered to us, more fully and deeply.

Happiness Practices

Here are more suggestions offered from readers of The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin that are conducive to greater happiness in their lives.

Perhaps you have your own suggestions to offer?

This morning, I read this quote that I posted as my Facebook status. Certainly practicing this would make anyone more happy:

"Promise yourself this...to be so strong
that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To be too large for worry,
too noble for anger,
too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble."
~ From the "Optimist Creed" for The Optimist Club

And, these suggestions from The Happiness Project:

If you can't get out of it, get into it.
Keep it simple.
Give without limits, give without expectations.
React to the situation.
Start where you are.
People give what they have to give.
Be specific about your needs.
Let go, let God.
If you're not now here, you're nowhere.
Play the hand you're dealt.
Own less, love more.
Only connect.
Be a haven.

Create your own list! Share your list with others - and see what they come up with!

Thoughts on Happiness and Epiphany

I've been reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. I stumbled upon this book, last fall while I was in Vancouver, and ordered it upon my return, but I am just finding the time now to immerse myself in it.

It is a good read, filled with many insights, and I hope to make some further references to this book. For now, I would like to share part of a list the author compiled from what people shared which contributed to their own happiness and well-being. As we begin a New Year and contemplate changes in direction that we may want to make, or set intentions, some of these may resonate.

On this day, that is the Feast of the Epiphany, I spent part of my day writing several poems, instead of doing work that I should do, and I offer this first verse of one poem, to honor this process of listening, of giving, and receiving, of changing and setting intentions, that hopefully will bear fruit throughout the year:

Epiphany

On this Feast of the Epiphany--
When The Magi came,
Bearing gifts of Gold,
Frankincense and Myrrh,
May I give birth to
My own inner epiphanies...

From The Happiness Project:

Forget the past.
Do stuff.
Talk to strangers.
Stay in touch.
Stop the venting and complaining.
Go outside.
Spread joy.
Don't expect it to last forever. Everything ends and that's okay.
Stop buying useless crap.
Make mistakes.
Give thanks: for the ordinary and the extraordinary.
Create something that wasn't there before.
Notice the color purple.
Make footprints: "I was here."
Be silly. Be light.
Shit happens - count on it.
Friends are more important than sex.
Choose not to take things personally.
Be loving and love will find you.
Soak it in.
This too shall pass.
"Be still and know that I am God."
Imagine the eulogy: how do I want to be remembered?
Expect a miracle.
I am already enough.
Let it go.
Light a candle...

To be continued. It is a long list!

The Art and Yoga of Happiness

This morning, I took my coffee down to the river after my meditation. It is still cold, but at least the biting wind of yesterday was absent.

I came down to the river yesterday morning as well, as I did nearly every day in January, three years ago. Yesterday, the river raged as it flowed downstream with great power and strength, skirting the frozen river banks. It seemed very much alive to me. But today, it was nearly perfectly still and I could see the trees on the Maryland side reflected on its surface which was calm and without any discernible motion, like a plate of glass.

I walked along the frozen river bank, treading carefully, breaking some ice here and there, and maneuvering myself to the area with rock piles, where I sat once, surveying the river, listening to its lessons, until it invited me in. I left that day, and bought a kayak, and the next afternoon, I launched into the river for the first time in my life.

I thought about the fragility of life, and the art and yoga of happiness, because I am preparing to teach a short course on this topic.

What I have learned is that happiness is a choice and an attitude. We cultivate it - and work towards it. Yes, genetics plays some part in the process, but we are truly wired for joy, and we have the ability to impact how we experience and embody it. Those who have an asana or meditation practice, know that it can contribute to a greater sense of well being...

As I looked out onto the broad expanse of the river, I could not help but think of a friend who took her life, and another who is bravely battling cancer. Every day I read her blog, and draw great strength from it. What enables one to go on - and another not to? I think of one who saw no other choice than to end her life - and another who is fighting for hers, with everything that it takes.

I thought to myself, as I looked at the river, that both of them are showing me how to live. But not just on the surface. They are showing me how to live more deeply and passionately, like my newly acquired Hanuman, so emblematic of devotion, ripping his heart open.

I came home after my chilly encounter with the river, and read my friend's blog. It is her husband who so faithfully documents her struggles and triumphs on a daily basis. Just a few days ago, my friend was quoted as saying, that in spite of everything, she still feels so much joy in her life. And today, despite setbacks and insurmountable pain - she still expresses a strong desire to live. For this dear friend, her illness is her yoga - and it manages to disclose a path to happiness, for herself, and her readers as well.

There are many simple things that can lead to greater happiness, such as the cultivation of gratitude. Think of how different the world could become, if each and everyone of us, committed to be grateful for just one thing, every day during this coming year. We would begin to truly experience and embody, the art and yoga of happiness, and it would enable us to recognize, that despite everything, life is a gift to be lived and embraced fully.

I end with this insightful poem by Mary Oliver:

Mysteries, Yes

Truly, we live with mysteries too marvelous
to be understood.

How grass can be nourishing in the
mouths of the lambs.
How rivers and stones are forever
in allegiance with gravity
while we ourselves dream of rising.
How two hands touch and the bonds
will never be broken.
How people come, from delight or the
scars of damage,
to the comfort of a poem.

Let me keep my distance, always, from those
who think they have the answers.

Let me keep company always with those who say
"Look!" and laugh in astonishment,
and bow their heads.

1.1.11

The New Year has dawned...

I sense a shift in the energies...

I meditate in the quiet, and silently ask for simple things, so reminiscent of prayers offered during the Winter Solstice:

"Let me see what I must see.
Let me hear what I must hear.
Let me be what I must be.
Let me know what I must know.
Let me be more compassionate.
Let me love more deeply..."

On a day that is the Solemnity of Mary, I entrust so many to her care, loved ones, departed ones, and those in need...

Paramahansa Yogananda offers this reminder from the first entry for the year in his Spiritual Diary:

"With the opening of the New Year,
all the closed portals of limitations
will be thrown open
and I shall move through them
to vaster fields,
where my worthwhile dreams
of life will be fulfilled."

I settle down with a cup of coffee to see what my Facebook friends have to say, and I come across this Old English Prayer, that one soul has posted, and it seems a dedication that is as good as any for this coming year:

"Take time to be friendly.
It is the road to happiness.
Take time to dream.
It is hitching your wagon to a star.
Take time to love and be loved.
It is the privilege of the gods.
Take time to look around.
It is too short a day to be selfish.
Take time to laugh.
It is the music of the soul."

Whatever you do today, wherever you go, whomever you spend time with, and wherever your thoughts may wander too, remember that intentions are powerful on this day, and have the ability to shape the year to come.

Happy New Year's! May it be filled with grace, and love, and healing, and everything you need!