You Never Step into the Same River Twice - A Decade of Practices.

"You never step into the same river twice."

~ Heraclitus

Nothing is ever the same. Everything changes. This river, that I have visited - at times nearly every day - over the space of a decade, is not the same. But then neither am I.

I came to this river, suggested as a meeting place by a friend during a time of neediness and great pain and impending transitions. I came back, many a morning, feeling alone, having hit rock bottom, in the throws of deep depression, to do a rosary of spiritual practices: Lovingkindness meditations, Reiki chants, actual rosaries, prayers both traditional and spontaneous, the offering of blessings, and whatever else arose from the depths of my soul.

For several years I came, almost daily.

One morning, while sitting on a boulder by the riverbank, the river beckoned me to come inside. And so I did. I bought a kayak without even thinking about it, and spent a few years paddling upstream - repeating mantras, reciting prayers, while receiving a steady stream of insights and lessons from the river, as I surrendered, floating downstream.

I cast myself into a dense fog on one Yom Kippur, hesitant and raw - knowing that I had to face my fears head on - and received untold blessings, while the fog burned away.

I did my spiritual practices over and over again - until one day the river no longer spoke in the same commanding and authorative way. Our relationship had somehow morphed. It had ceased to be one of teacher and student, settling instead into the gentle rhythm and easiness of a dependable friendship.

The river heard my pleas, my prayers, and what I never shared with another soul, and still really haven't. It listened to me without judgment, often simply pointing to the direction I needed to take.

One morning, I realized the practices had born fruit. I had forgiven all those I needed to forgive, and felt, that at a higher level and plane of existence, those I had transgressed had also forgiven me, soul to soul. I felt a lightness. I was less reactive. The same buttons were no longer pushed.

One day I realized, there was simply a deep sense of calm that covered me like a blanket, and then settled into a quiet joy.

A new day dawned inside of me and my inner landscape was never the same.

Ten years ago tomorrow, I began this blog. Without any planning or thought. I simply sat down at my computer and was guided to start it without any sense of direction of what it would be or what it would become. It became a major part of my healing process. It was a practice of self-care which I believe was meant to further my spiritual growth, though I did not see it at the time.

I have been thinking a lot about what was going on in my life ten years ago.

The river looks different today. The riverbank has changed. The bench that was there at the time and the maple trees by it have been removed. There are other benches now, and trees which have been planted. I have changed too.

This morning, I placed my hands over my heart shortly after awaking and gave thanks for the day and everything in it. Extending my arms to the sky, I offered the fruits of the day to the Divine.

Shortly afterward, as i visited the river and re-visited a decade of my life, I was greeted by a choir of birds excitedly rehearsing their symphony. Hawks glided above me. A bass jumped up and splashed joyously in the water. Squirrels scampered around me playing hide and seek. A red fox darted furtively behind me. And the river views were stunning.

I took in a deep breath. I did my practices and said my prayers. I practiced self care and compassion. I released the decade after giving thanks for its many blessings and lessons. Then, I wondered where I would be in another decade.

No matter. I have begun to plant those seeds. I know that the best is yet to come!

Thank you - to all of you who have followed my journey.

Here is the link to my very first entry:

https://aligningwithgrace.blogspot.com/2007/12/river.html

The river on December 1, 2017 and on December 2, 2007