Seeing 20/20

Like many of you, I began this new month, new year, and new decade, full of expectations. But so far, this year of 2020, is all the more significant because I had cataract surgery.

What I came to realize is, that even though my sight seemed better the day after the first surgery, there have been many fluctuations, and that perhaps the idea of seeing 20/20 was more symbolic of seeing in a different way. Perhaps it was about seeing more deeply. 

Not on the outside.

But on the inside.

Since reading is very difficult for me at the moment, I have had to make some adjustments in my daily schedule, such as in making time to listen to things more. Luckily, I have a vast arsenal of podcasts, recorded lectures, and so forth to keep me entertained. It also means I need to sit, or recline, and close my eyes and rest more often. It's all good.

I never realized how sight dependent I am. Or how much reading I actually do on a daily basis. But here is the thing.

For nearly a year, I have been praying every day to become a deeper embodiment of surrender, and of non-grasping, and non-attachment.

And guess what? That is EXACTLY what I have gotten!

I don't know yet what the long range outcome of these surgeries may be. But this I know, I will not see in the same exact way.

EVER again.

I also know, that this year will be different. There are major changes looming in my life. Perhaps in yours as well.

I felt sorry for myself for a day, had a good cleansing cry, and then I snapped out of it. I told myself I can still see. That in itself is a blessing. 

That in itself is a gratitude practice.

My life will slow down even more. I might not be reading at a prodigious output anymore, but I'll be listening more. And perhaps by listening to interviews, I will learn to listen to others more as well.

Less talk.

More walk.

And listening.

I might even realize that I no longer need to hang on to the vast collection of books I own.

What were those things I had been praying for? Ah yes! 




Be careful what you ask for! 

You just may get it! And not in the way you might have imagined!

But, it's all good.


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