More Rumi

I go to take my Anusara Yoga class today at noon with Suzie Hurley, the wonderful director of Willow Street Yoga Center, after a hiatus of a couple of weeks. I had forgotten how delicious it is and how it feeds my soul. As always, Suzie is bursting with joy and enthusiasm as she bids us to embody "shri" - beauty - like spring blossoms, as she deftly reviews the leg principles. We play with ankle, shin, thigh, and pelvic loop as we align more deeply with the Divine in our practice. I make a mental note to review these with my own students when I begin my session in a week.

A good friend is now able to take this class with me - in fact, she is the one who told me about this class years ago, when I taught during this very same time slot, never imagining myself to be free at the time. We drive over together, sharing insights and and seeking out each other's wisdom and simply enjoying one another's company...

I come home to settle in for a little afternoon work in my office.

Before starting, I catch a glimpse of this smattering of verses by Rumi that spoke to me, from a couple of different pieces...

On Language

To speak the same language
is to share the same blood,
to be related

The language of companionship
is a unique one
To reach someone through the heart
is other than reaching them
through words

The Promise

When pain arrives side by side
with your love
I promise not to flee
When you ask me for my life
I promise not to fight

I am holding a cup in my hand
By God if you do not come
Till the end of time
I promise not to pour out the wine
Nor to drink a sip

Your bright face is my day
Your dark curls bring the night
If you do not let me near you
I promise not to go to sleep...nor rise

Your magnificence has made me a wonder
Your charm has taught me the way of love...

On the wings of the Friend
fly o my heart!
Fly up and look upward...

Others praise God at the time of affliction
You stay awake day and night
Steady, watchful like the wheel
of the firmament...

Rumi on God and the World

I found this poem online where Rumi speaks of God. I included excerpts from it in my entry a few days ago but wanted to share the whole piece...

"When His love shines without a veil -
neither the sky remains nor the earth,
not the sun, not the moon.

God embraces all...
There is nothing that is not a part
of him already.

Remember God!
His remembrance is the strength
in the wings of the bird that is your soul

The souls of all friends of God
are connected with one another.

You must seek anything
that you wish to find
Not so with the Friend...
You begin to seek after you find him."

On the World

The world is a mountain
Whatever you say, good or bad,
it will echo it back to you.
Don't say I sang nicely
and mountain echoed an ugly voice...
That is not possible.

The human intellect is a place
where hesitation and uncertainty take root.
There is no way to overcome the hesitation...
except by falling in love

To reach the sea and be happy
with a jug of water is a waste
the sea has pearls...
And a humdred thousand other precious things...

Stepping into the River at Dawn

The river calls, it beckons, and I come down to its banks in the early morning...I step inside, and baptize my feet...

It is quiet, and still, and beautiful, and I think to myself, it doesn't get much better than this...

I think once again of the bumper sticker I saw last week - it haunts me, in a good way:

"Happiness is a choice..."

Yes it is - it is a choice we must make again, and again, and again...

I also recall so many beautiful passages that I have read lately by Yogananda:

"The laughter of the Infinite God
must vibrate through your smile.
Let the breeze of His love
spread your smiles in the hearts of men...

You have the power to hurt yourself
or to benefit yourself...
If you do not choose to be happy
no one can make you happy.
Do not blame God for that!
And if you choose to be happy,
no one can make you unhappy...
It is we who make of life what is is...

Remember that when you are unhappy
it is generally because you do not visualize
strongly enough the great things
that you definitely want to accomplish in life,
nor do you employ steadfastly enough
your will power, your creative ability,
and your patience,
until your dreams are realized...

Happiness depends to some extent
upon external conditions,
but chiefly upon mental attitudes.
In order to be happy
one should have good health,
a well balanced mind,
a prosperous life,
the right work,
a thankful heart,
and above all,
wisdom or knowledge of God."

I drink in the words, salve for my heart and balm for soul. They act as a healing unguent - reaching crevices that have been so resistant to healing touch...

I paddle, I float - slowly, I sit very still in the moment inside of Grace, my kayak...

I emerge from the water, cleansed, refreshed, and filled with hope, knowing, that happiness is ultimately my choice...

I Go to the Water

For the first time in months, I am on break from teaching my yoga classes, so I go down to the river on this magnificent Monday morning to launch Grace. I come down in a tank top and shorts for the first time in months. It is hot, and there is not a cloud in the sky.

It feels exhilarating to push off from the boat launch and step into the water in my crocs, wading around without boots and the protection and insulation they provide...

I reflect on a bumper sticker I saw a few days ago:

"Happiness is a choice."

So true. But not always easy to internalize. I reflect on how the readings of Paramahansa Yogananda are addressing this very topic at the moment in his Spiritual Diary...I also recall sage advice from Rumi, recorded yesterday:

"Sadness is a thief.
It steals our energy."

Such sayings of wisdom coming to me from so many sources... I contemplate such insights and others gained during the wonderful training I did this weekend with Todd Norian, a gifted Anusara Yoga teacher.

I paddle upstream and reflect on some of his comments...

"Healing is a power we all have. How open are you? How open is your valve? We often close that valve inside of us by expressing self-doubt, depression, and negative feelings...

Focus on your attitude. Pain-free living really is our birthright...

Open to grace. Conceive it on the inside in order to receive it on the outside...

You cannot have the ecstatic experience of revelation without some concealment...

Closing down within can invite us to create an open heart. But the pain of an open heart, is what ultimately enables us to heal...

Obstacles create opportunities...

Say yes to life - but also say yes to challenges as well. 'The only people that don't have problems are in the grave.' (Tony Robbins)

Say no to create healthy boundaries and to whatever is no longer supporting you.

When you make yourself more joyous, the whole world lights up around you...

Life is a gift, and yoga shows you how to make it a blessing...

Begin each and every day by saying, 'Today is the day of my awakening.'

To align with the Divine, you need to align with yourself. Move in the direction of what you really love inside..."

I paddle for a long time, the currents are deceptively strong, but I do finally manage to make it to my favorite spot, and then allow myself to float downstream which happens in what seems like abbreviated moments, erasing my hard work so quickly.

I emerge from the water nearly an hour and half later, feeling energized, and very much aware that for now, I am happy. Yes, it is a choice - one that we make over and over again, by deciding which thoughts we will entertain, and which feelings will hold us captive...

The Ecstatic Rumi

Tomorrow I will share more of Todd Norian's wonderful insights and inspirational thoughts. Todd is a gifted Anusara Yoga teacher who was in town these last three days for yoga therapy training.

This early morning, as I was driving to the other side of the river for the conclusion of the workshop, I listened to a program on NPR on the ecstatic poetry of Rumi. I only caught the tail end of the program, but it was enough to feed my soul, as I traveled to a venue where I would also feed my body.

These are some of the incandescent words which set my heart on fire, and which I drank in like the sweetest nectar:

"Speak a new language
so that the world
will be a new world.

The heart has its own language.
The heart knows a hundred thousand
ways to speak.

If you don't plow the earth
of your heart,
nothing will grow in it.

I am on fire.
If you doubt that -
touch me!

Wherever you are,
and whatever you do,
be in love.

Sadness is a thief.
It steals your energy.

If anyone seeks a fairy,
let them see your countenance...

If anyone asks,
How did Jesus raise the dead?
Kiss me on the lips, and say,
Like this.

If anyone asks,
What are those killed by love like?
Direct them to me, and say,
Like this.

God embraces all,
there is nothing
that is not apart of him already.

Remember God.
His remembrance is His strength
in the wings of the bird
that is your soul.
The souls of all friends of God
are connected with one another.

You must seek
anything that you wish to find.
Not so with a friend.
You begin to seek after you find him.

Out there, beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and right doing, there is a field.
I will meet you there."

Ah!

Planting Seeds of Joy

I am spending three days with Todd Norian this weekend, who is one of my favorite Anusara Yoga Teachers. The focus of the weekend is Anusara yoga therapy, but last night's class was a general practice and its theme was "planting seeds of joy."

I am going to summarize some of Todd's opening comments:

"Anusara Yoga is a tantric practice that is life-affirming. Tantra is really the art of thriving.

Joy is the basis of Anusara, and we are continually striving to cultivate this virtue and attribute...

Anusara is a path of radical affirmation - it affirms that life is good - and is meant to be an adventure.

Spring is the season of affirmation and new growth. It is also a cleansing season for the body and the mind, and the season invites us to let go of our self-limiting beliefs.

Weeds grow in our minds during this season as well. Anything that is not an affirmation is a self-limiting thought of things I can't do.

Whatever thought you nourish grows deep roots. We want to learn to start fresh in yoga.

Our factory setting is joy - we're wired for peace. And when we tap into this, the body, mind, and spirit will get healthier.

So planting the proper seeds really does matter. The power of our intention is strong. It takes a long time to change habits and patterns, but we do it by repetition..."

I Love This River

It is a beautiful day, and the start to a very busy weekend for me, so I am drawn to go down to the river for a visit mid morning...

I love this river - it has taught me so much in the last year and half since I have been visiting it. There are so many lessons and insights that have come from deeply communing with it, or from the ruminations of the heart and soul that have poured out of my depths by its banks.

It is quiet, sunny, breezy - and the river is still swollen. I sit down on a clump of grass by the well worn path leading down to the shore by the riverbank that is now under water...

I watch two beautiful geese - gliding down the river in tandem, without a care in the world. I observe how every rivulet and wave dissolves and merges with all those surrounding it - a constant reminder of both the impermanence and the fundamental unity of all things - realities I know and accept on a cognitive level, but have difficulty internalizing on an emotional level...

I consider discussions I had yesterday - one with a friend - where we both noted the difficulty of letting go of grasping behavior. I told her that I have always felt that the greatest lesson I have to learn in this life is how to let go - and I am certainly far from mastering it...

I shared with her, how I was always moved by the visitation of Sri Yukteswar, to his disciple, Paramahansa Yogananda, in Autobiography of a Yogi. He appears to Yogananda after his death and tells him about the wonders of the afterlife. I have read that chapter over and over again - marveling at the beauty that he describes of more subtle realms. The thing that always struck me about his descriptions is how the soul needs to embody perfect non-attachment to journey into the higher realms of heaven in order to become one with the Divine.

Ah! Why is this such a hard lesson to learn? As I said to my friend - that is the greatest challenge - to love and enjoy everything - without being attached to it...

As I watched the river currents and the occasional piece of debris float downstream, I also reflected on the wisdom dispensed last night by the gifted therapist who leads the meditation group I attend.

He noted, that to change situations in our lives, we have to marry action with thought. In other words, we must think, but then act upon our thoughts. Yogananda specifically taught that we need to exercise the use of our will to make necessary changes in our lives and he recommended that we work on something to make the desired change before we move on to something else. True change cannot happen without flexing the muscles of our will.

This wonderful leader and therapist also noted that we can use affirmations effectively to exercise our wills and cause the desired change by planting these affirmations deep within our subconscious - and hopefully our superconscious minds through deep meditation. We were then then led through a powerful hypnotic induction and we went deep into meditation.

I know I have all the tools I need to make the changes I need to make in my own life so that someday, my spirit may inhabit these subtle realms in the afterlife. I feel a deep yearning and longing for that place - but I know there is much work to be done here first...

As I took in the greening and broad expanse of the swollen river and both sides of the riverbanks, I gave thanks for all the insights that came to me yesterday...

And I gave thanks for this river...Before leaving, I recalled words of wisdom imparted by another wise soul in my life who said to me, that when I am troubled, especially before going to sleep, that I should think of this river and the heron...

As for what geese signify:

"Symbolic of a questing call, travels, imagination is stirred, communication, they teach how to move along one's spiritual path with the power and strength of community, and they aid in finding happiness and joy."

The River in Deep Cleanse

The river is always a metaphor for my life, and today it is swollen nearly to the edge of the cliff I stand on, and practically all the way up the boat launch to the parking lot. It seems to be cleansing itself with a deep sense of urgency, as evidenced by its freely flowing, swift and muddy waters...

I survey the river from my perch and think to myself that today, this river truly gives new meaning to the song, "The River is Wide," a tune I have been listening to, and humming to myself these last few days...

I retreat - and sit on the green bench that I have not sat on for almost a year and am startled by the view in my field of vision. It takes me back a year or more - to a different period in time. I am surprised by the perspective that my field of vision entertained at that time, and how different it has been since I have literally entered the river and become one with it. I also think of the session I had this morning with a very gifted healer, an incredible craniosacral therapist, where we did deep and truly marvelous work.

As often happens during my healing sessions, birds came and made their presence known - a young hawk, and a heron appeared at various times - but it was the hawk that predominated and kept returning.

This gifted healer noted that a hawk bids us to pay attention - not only to what is before us - but what will arise and be made manifest in our lives. A hawk also is privy to the big picture in addition to being able to zero in on the details. The heron is about self reliance and standing on one's own two feet - major issues I've had to address in the last two years of my life.

My gifted healer friend has a wonderful healing cat who was chomping at the bit to get started on my session, strategically placing her paws in those places most needed. I was told that she does not show up for just anyone. Her name is "Gracie," and that, of course, further endeared her to me - for this is not only the name of my kayak - the trusty vessel that has enabled me to paddle my way through incredible healing, but "Grace" is part of the name of this blog and my website as well.

I came away from that session filled with all that was good and necessary for me - and grateful for having an opportunity to be in this healer's nurturing hands. I was also grateful for having made the needed headway in my journey...

Later, I spoke to the wonderful soul that I wrote about yesterday, and we were able to flesh out the content of our email exchange in a way that was more substantive, meaningful, and mutual. She noted that I sounded lighter, and her observations were the fruit of a deep intuitive knowing and our incredible communion of souls. I am grateful for her presence in my life!

As I sat on this bench by the river, I was grateful to be here - in the middle of the day - and have this river all to myself. What a blessing it is to get up - do healing work, and then come down the river. My only other major event today will be meditating with a group this evening. How many people have the opportunity to spend days like that?

I also expressed gratitude for the incredible healers that I have been led to. My friend said that really, I had drawn them to myself - because of the work that I do. I was touched by that. But, it really does not matter how they came into my life or why - I have been blessed to make connections in this life that have supported me every step of the way...

There was a small band of black crows down by the river, so when I come home I looked up their meaning. They have been considered evil by some in mythology, but also as symbols of the Divine. They are also seen as a sign of spiritual strength, and invite us to leave familiar places and look beyond our range of vision. They are harbingers of change, and encourage us to look out for opportunities in life. They teach us to balance light and dark and announce a newness in life, encouraging us to pay attention to our intuitions.

A hawk has visionary power, and shows us how to ride the winds of change. A hawk's wisdom, leadership and strength will guide us with honor, integrity, grace, and beauty. We must be ready for greater intensity in life!

Herons teach grounding and invite greater balance in life. They also encourage us to follow our path, and look more deeply into the meaning of life...

I have recently been touched by a pair of robins that have taken up residence in my front yard... They stimulate new growth and renewal in many areas of life, and show that this can be done with joy, laughter, and a song in the heart!

And finally, every morning when I sit in meditation, I sit to the song of a woodpecker. They teach us how to connect to the earth, move to our beat, and how to balance the physical and spiritual realms...

As I sat at this river in deep cleanse, I marveled at how it mirrors my own cleansing. My dear friend asked me today if I thought all of this healing work was finally coming to some sort of completion - even though we continue to evolve and grow and uncover layers for the rest of our lives. I simply exclaimed: "God! I hope so!"

Right Where I am Supposed to Be

Yesterday, during an exchange of emails back and forth with a wonderful soul that came into my life almost exactly a year ago - this incredible yogini and angel simply noted, that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in life...

It is so true. And it is not that I did not already know this - or have not had others observe or confirm this - but sometimes we hear something we have been listening to all along like it is an incredibly novel idea.

As someone who is both - a yoga student and teacher, I am amazed at how I have often heard an instruction for years, until one day - I finally got it. When I am in my role as teacher, I have had experiences of giving the same instruction to a student over and over again - until all of a sudden there is this "aha!" moment where it is truly understood and internalized. It's as if there is this one perfect moment for us to hear and digest what is needed, and it cannot happen one moment too soon...

My friend and I talked about many things - the pain of growth, the experience of loss, and the beauty of giving and sharing...

She noted how we draw into our lives what we need, in terms of experiences and relationships - and how it is important to invite others into our hearts without reservations, even if in due course of time it ends in pain. Even then, she wisely observed - we must accept the lessons we learn about ourselves and not close up again.

For if we withdraw and do not remain open to new experiences and relationships with just as much, if not more intensity and sensitivity - it would be like returning a gift unwrapped - and we would have failed to let the fruits of that gift flourish into other deeply rewarding and rich experiences and relationships...

Today, I thought of all the people that have meant something to me at various stages of my life. I was especially mindful of reconnecting with a long lost friend from my graduate school days in the last week, amazed at how social networks allow us to find people we cared about at different junctures of our lives...

I am grateful for the many blessings received through many wonderful and uniquely textured relationships and connections constantly unfolding - and most especially for those souls that have been there for me these last couple of years. (You all know who you are!)

I look forward to a time described by Paramahansa Yogananda to a dear soul friend of his. He envisioned a time spent together in Heaven, where earthly commitments and responsibilities would not limit their moments together or interfere with the sharing of everything that needed to be shared between them. They would simply enjoy each others presence in Sacred Time and Space.

But for now, I am right where I am supposed to be...

Cry Me a River

Last night, before going to bed, I came across a YouTube musical rendition of the the song, "Cry Me a River," sung by Susan Boyle, the singing sensation of the moment that I wrote about a few days ago.

Susan is nearly 48, has lived alone, and has the voice of an angel. She surprised everyone at an audition of the show, "Britain's Got Talent," and her unlikely discovery has touched millions of hearts all over the world. Perhaps her whole life was lived - for that one moment - to touch the lives of many, practically instantly. She melted stony hearts in a way most unexpected, that invited all who listened to her, to rise above their pettiness and preconceived notions of beauty - as their spirits soared into the fullest expression of their humanity. In that moment, and in its aftermath, we truly embodied a sense of oneness. How many - celebrities or presidents can claim to have done that - to have united the whole world as one beating heart, in an instant?

This song, was recorded 10 years prior, for a charity benefit. As I listened to it, I realized that this simple and plain woman, was gifted and blessed with one of the 3 or 4 most beautiful voices that I have ever heard. Very few can sing, and instantly move another's soul as she has done.

I thought of this song this morning, as I visited my own river in the fog. It was gray down by the riverbanks - all the rocks were hidden under muddy and swollen waters that reminded me of the Mississippi, and how I lived near its banks both in St. Louis, and in Minneapolis, decades ago...

Still, the river was beautiful - and the greening power of God - as Hildegard of Bingen would note - was evident. All was truly verdant!

I was captivated by the grayness and stillness, as I did several spiritual practices - chanting the Reiki Precepts and Ho'oponopono - an ancient Hawaiian teaching and practice for cleansing the soul. There are several variations, but the one I chanted today was:

"I love you.
Forgive me.
I'm sorry.
Thank you."

The idea behind this practice - is to recite it to God - and allow it to scrub your soul clean of that does not serve it. It is a wonderful practice to heal all sorts of situations. I've written before about the Hawaiian doctor, Hew Len, who emptied out a whole ward of psychiatric patients by chanting this - without ever having treated a single one of them! Every once in a while, I remember to chant - or pray this little mantra again, and I have shared it with many...

I have truly cried myself a river - down by this river. It has been a silent witness to hidden interior growth on so many levels.

One of the most famous renditions of "Cry Me a River," is by Ella Fitzgerald, who sang:

"Now you say you're lonely,
You cried the long night through
Well, you can cry me a river,
I cried a river over you..."

We are all cleansed - sometimes by crying a river, sometimes by spiritual practices - particularly those that invite and elicit forgiveness. Sometimes, we stand tall in the sunshine, as I did a few hours after the early morning grayness, feeling the rays of the sun burning off the mist and dew, and dampness of the evening rains, and whatever remaining tears might lurk in the deepest recesses of the soul...

More on Compassion

I received these wonderful quotes today in The Inner Journey Newsletter on compassion, a subject I began this month with...

"What I want in my life is compassion,
a flow between myself and others
based on a mutual giving from the heart."
- Marshall B. Rosenberg

"The whole idea of compassion
is based on a keen awareness
of the interdependence of all living beings,
which are all part of one another,
and all involved in one another."
- Thomas Merton

"When we experience the pain of another person,
we instinctively want to take away that pain.
But by taking away the other person's pain,
we also take away his or her opportunity to grow.
To be truly compassionate,
we must be able to share
another person's suffering and pain -
knowing there is nothing we can do to relieve it
and that we are not responsible for it,
and yet knowing and understanding
what that pain feels like."
- John Gray

The Best Prayer

The latest series of readings in Paramahansa Yogananda's Spiritual Diary deal with prayer. I loved today's entry:

"The best course is to pray:
'Lord, make me happy
with awareness of Thee.
Give me freedom from all earthly desires,
and above all give me Thy joy
that outlasts all the happy and sad
experiences of life.'"

On a wonderfully magnificent day, it was the best prayer to pray...

The River, Me, and God

For the second day in a row, I have been able to make it down to the river. Both days have been warm, though today was nothing short of magnificent. For the first time since last year, I launched Grace, unencumbered by winter gear, sporting instead some short sleeves and my crocs! I stepped into the water, getting my feet wet, baptizing myself into a new season of paddling...

Both days have been cloudless days where I have enjoyed the river and had it pretty much to myself. And the blue heron was particularly evident today.

The currents definitely made their presence known. It took a while to paddle upstream, but it was exhilarating to be doing it.

I paddled near the first island, enjoying the vistas and evidences of spring, determined to angle around the bend. As I worked hard to get myself upstream, a magnificent blue heron flew along my right side without making a sound. He startled me, coming fairly close to where I was. Then, he flew on ahead and and angled off to the right.

Just a few moments later, he came around and did the same thing. I counted a total of 5 times that he did this - flying alongside me, and then taking off to the right - and thought to myself, there must be a message for me in this...

Finally, when I was approaching the corner of the island, I found him waiting for me, perched on the edge of the riverbank. He did not move, at least until I navigated the currents between the two islands where I often like to meditate, and made my way onto the other side...

I thought to myself, that I was supposed to overcome this hurdle today - that somehow there was a message for me in this achievement of paddling upstream and the resisting currents between the islands. Truly, nothing is impossible with God's Presence or assistance.

I floated down quietly, and fairly quickly on the other side, as I listened to birds singing and bass flapping here and there - under the banner of leaves starting to unfurl in all their splendor. I took in every detail, savoring each moment...

I thought of how happy I am on this river - no matter what is happening - it brings me both peace and joy - more so than any other activity. I cannot imagine being on this river and not feeling vibrantly alive...

The river allows me to ground and connect with God's creation. I also reflected on how little time I have spent outdoors in the last few years...

I emerged after an hour and half of enjoying each present moment that gave way to the next, truly re-charged and very much aware that all shall be well...

I Dreamed a Dream

I awaken in the rain, and allow myself to be lulled back to sleep. But later, after morning meditations, while it is still somewhere between a light rain and a drizzle outside, I go to survey the river. I have not been to visit in a while...

The trees have not yet unfurled their leaves, but I know it is a matter of time before this broad and naked expanse will no longer be visible. It will cloak itself with exquisite raiment until next winter, like Siva - concealing and revealing himself, in an endless Tantric dance...

I am lost in thoughts and emotions, and moved by a woman who touched the world with her rendition of Fantine's "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miserables.

I find both the lyrics and the tune, and fall asleep to them, my heart echoing its melody and message, as I stand by the riverbanks and reflect on the wisdom dispensed yesterday, by a very wise soul.

I look longingly at the river, knowing it has been a long time since we joined together, becoming one - as my soul in turn, longs to be joined with another soul, now more distant in my life. People come and people go - through the revolving doors of our lives. I think of a passage I read last night by Paramahansa Yogananda, who acknowledged that we would never again be in this body, with these characteristics, and in these very same relationships.

I am washed by the gentle rain, here, perched on the edge of a cliff, at the foot of this river, as I dare to dream the dreams I was told I had not allowed myself to bring to fruition, for many lifetimes lived as a mystic and a contemplative had eroded an ability to invite abundance in. Perhaps it is no accident I am led to view this YouTube video clip about a middle aged woman, not unlike me, awakening to her own dream...

I Dreamed a Dream

There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

(But I would revise this last line in the manner
I heard it last night:
"No Life has killed the dream I dreamed...")

I think of living my own dreams, and all that it implies - the fears of failing, of beginning once more, though from a different vantage point, yet at the same time, enriched by more recent experiences. Every experience and moment lived, has been in preparation for the next step and event in our lives, and I feel that in many ways, I have truly lived lifetimes within one solitary life span...

And I thank Susan Boyle, who touched millions, and hope that her dream comes true! She has touched so many around the world, reminding us - as I titled my post yesterday - we are truly all one!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

All is One

Four years ago today, after an incredibly blessed encounter, I began writing again, after 22 years of silence...

I think of this day, so sacred and forever etched in my memory, and reflect on how I have arrived at a turning point of sorts. I drink in the insights of so many gifted seers who have revealed glimpses of what is to come right around the corner. In so many ways, I would not be here - where I am today - if I had not taken up the pen once more to record all that had simply gone unaddressed...

I had always written, but I let other things get in the way, and I did not give expression to my voice...

My last collection of poems were written in 1983, during a very blessed year. I am in the process of re-visiting and editing them...

This is what I wrote, four years ago today, about a confluence of experiences that are truly ineffable and forever engraved in my heart...

All is One

My heart is overflowing with Grace—
hands in Anjali Mudra,
pressed against my breast—
and the Cave of my Heart.
Hands that commune in Reverence,
and in Silent Anticipation
of the coming Salutations to the Divine!

A mudra—
a simple seal
is but a Benediction—
a Solitary Witness
to the Ineffable merging
of the self into Self.

Hands and arms reaching up to heavenly realms
in Urdhva Hastasana,
in humble Praise and deep felt Gratitude—
then touch the floor in Uttanasana
in total Surrender
to Divine Grace.

Each movement—
Is but a Meditation in Motion—
My body becomes a Sacred Temple for the Spirit.
My Essence dissolves in an act of total Immolation.
I am now only the Expression
of Ecstatic Bliss!
What joy is this!
that entered my Life—
with no solicitation?
Birthed out of a Simple Surrender
To Divine Will,
A moment of Sheer Grace—
Such a total Gift!
Which came in a way most unexpected.

My heart opens—
And Love explodes exponentially in Anjaneyasana,
Radiating from my Heart Chakra,
Energy flowing from my Core—
to the farthest Corners of the Universe.

All is One!

Flowing with Grace—
Pose after pose.
My body is Sacred Space,
Moving in Time
which is both Sanctified,
And Eternal.

All is One!

Exhilaration!
Hands embrace once more,
in Anjali Mudra.
My Heart is Inebriated,
wanting to burst out of my breast!
I cannot contain
the surging Currents of Energy—
which Spill into the Ocean of Divine Love!
I drown in the Intoxicating Elixirs
Of Divine Bliss—
What a Gift of Sheer Grace!

All is One!

Embodiment as Divine Revelation

I came across a poem by Kabir, that I read four years ago, and which touched me deeply. It, in turn, inspired a poem of my own.

This excerpt comes from the book, Kabir, The Weaver of God's Name:

"This poem expresses the devotee's bliss on realizing the Lord. He has found God within his own body. As a a goldsmith tests the purity of gold on the touchstone, the devotee, who has purified his entire being through meditation, is tested by the Lord and made whole.The devotee now realizes that all the time he spent searching for God through external observances, rite and rituals was a wast of his precious human birth. When he conquers his mind and, through meditation and concentration, crosses the regions of mind and maya - the third stage of his spiritual journey - only then does he realize the Lord within his own body."

Pure as Gold

The Lord has revealed himself
To me within my body;
My entire being, cleansed,
Now shines like pure gold.
Just as the goldsmith essays
Gold on the touchstone,
I have been put to the test
And made whole...

One after another,
Many births I took;
Many paths I followed
To escape this relentless cycle.
Only when I made my mind still
Did I attain the state
Of lasting repose.

I searched and searched for Him
In external pursuits,
But wasted the precious days
Of my human life.
When I became absorbed
In the realm beyond mind and maya,
Within my own body
I found the Lord...

Easter Blessings

The Easter Vigil clocks in at three hours, and is absolutely beautiful. I enjoy all nine readings - closing my eyes - reciting them in my head - anticipating every line - beginning with the story of Creation. I enjoy the lighting of the fire and the candles, the incense, the organ, the trumpets - all of it, even though my guys squirm and are not truly happy campers! It is nothing less that an experience that is both spiritual and sensual at the same time - encompassing and satisfying all of my senses.

I enter deeply into the liturgy, and in my heart, I chant along with the cantor - the parts of the Exultet - The Easter Proclamation - that I can remember - a very beautiful and ancient chant:

"Rejoice heavenly powers! Sing choirs of angels!
Exult, all creation around God's throne!
Jesus Christ, our King is risen!
Sound the trumpet of salvation!

Rejoice, O earth, in shining splendor,
radiant in the brightness of your King!
Christ has conquered! Glory fills you!
Darkness vanishes forever!

It is truly right that will full hearts and minds and voices
we should praise the unseen God...

This is our Passover feast...

This is the night when the pillar of fire
destroyed the darkness of sin!

The power of this holy night
dispels all evil, washes guilt away,
restores lost innocence, brings mourners joy;
it casts out hatred, brings us peace,
and humbles earthly pride.

Night truly blessed
when heaven is wedded to earth
and man is reconciled with God!

May the morning Star which never sets
find this flame still burning:
Christ, that Morning Star,
who came back from the dead,
and shed his peaceful light on all mankind,
your Son who lives and reigns,
forever and ever, Amen.

I come home after midnight, and fall sleep almost immediately, only to rise later than usual, and meditate blissfully in the quiet and cool, but sunny morning - followed by a leisurely reading of the newspaper at Starbucks. We then go for a spontaneous drive in the country for a couple of hours, taking in and enjoying the glory of quaint Viriginia towns in horse country.

Back home, later in the afternoon, I finally spread the mulch that has been sitting on my driveway for several weeks!

Since my son had to work at the last minute - experiencing his first busy season as a tax accountant, we change our brunch reservations to dinner, and enjoy the evening, returning home at around 7:30 PM, while it is still light outside...

The day yields into the evening, of another day well spent! A night truly blessed gives birth to glorious day!

Experiencing the Triduum Differently

The sacred days pass in meditation and reflection, and I feel drawn to experience Holy Week in a different way, by practicing and experiencing rituals that I have not savored in over a decade...

I look forward to spending the evening at the Easter Vigil with my two guys - who somewhat reluctantly agreed to my suggestion to do so. We will return home late and sleep under the same roof as a family, for the first time in a long time...

The day is rainy, reminding me of deep soul cleansing, and I think of so many wonderful gifts received in so many ways - and some quite unexpected. Yesterday, a gifted friend took time out of her busy schedule to reconfigure a mala for me to accommodate the total number of Kriyas that I practice - so that I won't have to count or mark them off on one of my standard malas. I have been so drawn to malas and rosaries of late - bridging both my past and my present...

I lounge at Starbucks for a long time, sipping my coffee and reading the paper and think to myself that truly - "All is well, and all shall always ultimately be well" - and wonder - how did Julian of Norwich get to be so wise?

I watch interesting things unfold, and truly comprehend - as I was told by a gifted intuitive recently, how it was necessary for me to be catapulted out of my past and into my present - like a rock propelled by a slingshot - because I would not have made the necessary changes otherwise.

It was this same person who told me that Jesus, and the Buddha - and Siva - in his form of Nataraja - are with me always. She used the term - "three in one..."

She who was not familiar with this manifestation of Siva as Nataraja - "Lord of the Dance" - sought the embodiment of this form among my collection of statues until she found it and pointed to it. She said this embodied presence danced within my heart...

I think of Siva dancing inside of me - even though it is his manifestation as Bhaivara that has called and spoken to me of late. I think of the story of him howling with passion in the cremation fields, carrying a skull, one of the artefacts attributed to him. Ironically, the day after I hear of Siva's presence in me, a lifelong friend sends me a beautiful skull carved out of carnelian. Coincidences? Synchronicities? Perhaps bizarre to some!

Life is interesting in all the turns it takes, and sometimes I feel I've lived several life times in one. Yet throughout every chapter, Spirit and has called and has spoken - and I have longed for that Presence...

We are here to merge with that Presence and embody its essence in our words, and our deeds, and our thoughts...There is nothing else that matters...

"As the vital rays of the sun nurture all,
so must you spread the rays of hope
in the hearts of the poor and forsaken,
kindle courage in the hearts of the despondent,
and light a new strength in the hearts of those
who think they are failures."
- Paramahansa Yogananda.

Forgiveness Brings Joy

Seems like the ability or need to forgive has been a topic of conversation for me lately...

Today I received the Inner Journey Newsletter with these quotes:

"The greatest evil that can befall man is
that he should come to think ill of himself."
- Johann Wolfgang Van Goethe

"If we don't forgive ourselves for our mistakes,
and others for the wounds they have inflicted on upon us,
we end up crippled with guilt. And the soul cannot
grow under a blanket of guilt, because guilt is
isolating, while growth is a gradual process of
reconnection to ourselves, to other people,
and to a larger whole."
- Joan Borysenko

The first step to activating our inner joy is to eliminate the blocks to it. We can start by truly forgiving ourselves and all others. Forgiveness calls for a shift in our perception. It is easier to forgive ourselves and others when we really understand that each of us has always done the very best we knew to do at the time.

Ah, now there's a thought to ponder and consider - that we did the very best that we knew at the time...Most of us carry hurts for much longer than we need to. It is perhaps, one of the hardest lessons to learn, and yet, one of the most important ones as well...

"Seek to do brave and lovely things
that are left undone by the majority of people.
Give gifts of love and peace
to those whom others pass by."
- Paramahansa Yogananda

Compassion and Holy Week

I enter deeply into Sacred Space...

I enter more fully into Sacred Time...

I enter into this Holy Week, mindful of the sacredness of this week to different faiths. On Thursday, which is traditionally the Day of the Guru to devout Hindus, we commemorate the Last Supper and the beginning of the Lord's Passion, while our Jewish brethren commemorate Passover. It is also the Full Moon for good measure, and I cannot think of anything more auspicious! I think also of a dear therapist and friend now traveling through India, whose meditation group I attend, and who has requested prayers for the work that he is doing...

I am privileged to share the gift of Reiki this morning with a beautiful young couple who were drawn to this wonderful practice...

Later in the day, I enter the labyrinth, for the first time in two months, asking to receive whatever it is that I should receive, recalling the last time I came to walk it - with a dear friend. I meditate at the center for almost an hour, sending love, blessings, and healing energy to all those who have asked for prayers...

I drive home and stop by the river, now wishing I had gone in on Saturday, when it was warm and magnificent. I long to launch Grace once again, becoming one with the river. While so much is in bloom, it is cold and windy today, and the currents are very strong - hungrily lapping at the riverbank and boat launch area like ocean waves with reckless abandon...The river is swollen, and all the usual rocks I have sat on before are submerged...

It is a time for remembering, and entering deeply into spiritual practice, and extending compassion to all those in need...

I come home to a phone message from a friend on the West Coast I have not spoken to in a long time, and I tell her about my Lenten practice of saying the Rosary of the Seven Sorrows, and the book Left to Tell about the Rwandan genocide...

It is a good day. It is a holy day. It is a day well lived...It has been a day of inspiration, and spiritual practice, of good thoughts, and good deeds...

"May I not increase the ignorance of wrongdoers
by my intolerance or vindictiveness.
Inspire me to help them by my forgiveness,
prayers, and tears of gentle love."
- Paramahansa Yogananda

Kwan Yin and Compassion

"May harsh speech from my companions
remind me to use sweet words always.
If stones from evil minds are cast at me,
let me send in return only goodwill.

As a jasmine vine sheds its flowers
over the hands delivering ax blows
at its roots, so, on all who act
inimically toward me
may I shower the blossoms of forgiveness."
- Paramahansa Yogananda

On my meditation altar, I have a statue of Kwan Yin, who is the Goddess of Compassion. She is known as the one who "hears the cries of the poor," and the story is told, that as she was ascending to heaven and heard the cries of ones in need on the earth, she vowed to return until every last person obtained enlightenment.

The particular statue I have, shows Kwan Yin in the "pose of royal ease." One of her knees is bent, and her arm is extended over that bent knee. This pose is illustrative of one who has a fierce dedication to a meditation practice and has reaped its benefits.

When I look at this statue, it is a reminder to exercise greater compassion in my own life. Every day we have opportunities to do this more deeply - and sometimes very simply.

I also wear a bracelet given to me by a friend with the image of Kwan Yin on it. Today, one of my students commented on the bracelets I wear - the Kwan Yin, and a mala of rudhraksha beads. I explained to her the meaning and symbolism behind both.

As we enter into an incredible week - Holy Week for Christians - and Passover for Jews - with a Full Moon thrown in for good measure - may we be reminded to enter more deeply into the mysteries of our faith, and re-new our commitment to living more compassionately - always willing to extend both love and forgiveness to the least among us - and to all those who have hurt us in any way. May we do this without expectation - and may we in turn, atone for all those we have hurt and not been compassionate towards...

Compassion and Forgiveness

"I will behold the person
who now considers himself as my enemy
to be in truth my divine brother
hiding behind a veil of misunderstanding.
I will tear aside this veil
with a dagger of love so that,
seeing my humble, forgiving understanding,
he will no longer spurn the offering of my goodwill."
- Paramahansa Yogananda

Last night, I watched Sex in the City: The Movie, one more time. Once of my favorite scenes is a poignant one, where Carrie Bradshaw and Miranda Hobbs sit in a cab together in the rain. Miranda asks Carrie to forgive her for something she did - yet she has been unable to forgive her own husband for something he did 6 months before...

Carrie points out - that in the end - forgiveness - is simply that - forgiveness...

As I reflected on the entries on compassion in Paramahansa Yogananda's Spiritual Diary, it seemed clear to me, that one cannot truly embody compassion if one is not willing to forgive, even those things that seem to lay beyond the scope of forgiveness.

As I delve more deeply into my meditation practices, I realized that my newest practice was inviting me to heal and transform more deeply, and thoughts of those that I needed to forgive surfaced in my mind. In my deepest dreams last night, i experienced the aftermath of forgiveness in the spirit realm with a soul - that may never find such expression in the physical realm - and it brought me great peace. We may not always be granted the opportunity for the tidy resolution of discord experienced with others, but we can engage in lovingkindness practices - always sending love and healing energy to such souls - for truly - they are not separate from us.

This morning, I chose the following quote from my entry yesterday, as my status on Facebook. It is worth revisiting:

"True love is boundless as the ocean,
and swelling within one,
spreads itself in and out and,
crossing all boundaries and frontiers,
envelops the whole world."
- MK Gandhi

Waves of Love and Compassion

MK Gandhi kept a collection of a book of prayers which he often referred to when he led prayer services. His Book of Prayers contains a fascinating collection sourced from many different traditions.

In his writings, Gandhi addressed the importance of cultivating both love and compassion. The following comes from excerpts of his writings collected in the book, The Way to God:

"True love is boundless like the ocean and, swelling within one, spreads itself out and, crossing all boundaries and frontiers, envelops the whole world."

"That cohesive force among animate beings is love. We notice it between father and son, between brother and sister, friend and friend. But we have to learn to use that force among all that lives. In the use of it consists our knowledge of God."

"It is my firm belief that it is love that sustains the earth. There only is life where there is love. Life without love is death. Love is the reverse of the coin of which the obverse is truth.

Hatred ever kills; love never dies. Such is the vast difference between the two. What is obtained by love is retained for all time. What is obtained by hatred proves a burden in reality, for it increases hatred. The duty of a human being is to diminish hatred and to promote love."

Riding the Waves of Compassion

Here are some more excerpts from the writings of Paramahansa Yogananda on compassion:

"O Lord of compassion, teach me to shed tears of love for all beings. May I behold them as my very own - different expressions of my Self.

I easily excuse my own faults; let me therefore quickly forgive the failings of others. Bless me, O Father, that I not inflict on my companions unwelcome criticism. If they ask my advice in trying to correct themselves, may I offer suggestions inspired by Thee."

"Every day, try to help uplift, as you would help yourself or your family, whoever in your environment may be physically, mentally, or spiritually sick. Then no matter what your part is on the stage of life, you will know that you have been playing it rightly, directed by the Stage Manager of all destinies."

"Thy divine light is hidden in even the most vicious and gloom-shrouded man, waiting to shine forth under the proper conditions: the keeping of good company, and ardent desires for self-betterment.

We thank Thee that no sin is unforgivable, no evil unsuperable; for the world of relativity does not contain absolutes.

Direct me, O Heavenly Father, that I awaken Thy bewildered ones in the consciousness of their native purity, immortality, and celestial sonhood."

Begin with Compassion

As we begin a new month, and I continue to process insights, energy, and experiences from the weekend, I am reminded that in Japanese Reiki, Mikao Usui taught that we must cultivate compassion for ourselves before we can extend it to others...

I think of that as being gentle with oneself when it is needed...

As I process, meditate, and reflect, I also recall so many powerful moments at this time 4 years ago, that ignited my soul and accelerated the path I am currently on. It was nearly 4 years ago that my soul was moved enough to begin writing again, after two decades of not doing so...

It was 4 years ago - that after decades of stopping and starting a meditation practice, I began to sit again on a daily basis...

It was nearly 4 years ago - that in many ways, my interior life changed radically...

I think of where I've been since - never imagining all the changes, the gifts, and the opportunities that I would come to experience, and I am reminded to be gentle and compassionate with myself.

And these were Paramahansa Yogananda's words for today:

"Compassion towards all beings
is necessary for divine realization,
for God Himself is overflowing with this quality.
Those with a tender heart
can put themselves in the place of others,
feel their suffering, and try to alleviate it."

Be always compassionate - to yourself and others - for this is the way of the Divine...