In A Different Relationship to the River

In the midst of so much busyness, I steal away to the river for a little while. I cannot remember when I was here last - it has been at least a week...

It is hot and hazy, and threatening to rain, and I find some time to visit the river between teaching a private lesson, and heading off to sub two classes for my own teacher this evening...

I paddle without effort. The surface of the river is blanketed by vast swaths of hydrilla poking through it. It has multiplied with great abandon since my last visit.

I head straight up the middle of the river and the feeling comes to me that this river is different. I am in a different relationship to the river - because I am different...

Only a year ago, I was paddling upstream working through very strong emotions. Now I simply paddle upstream...

Yesterday, I worked with a gifted craniosacral therapist and we both acknowledged that in the months we have begun to work together again after a hiatus of about a decade, incredible work has been accomplished and taken root. So now I will see her just a few times a year for maintenance work...

I reflect on the theme I am using in the classes I am teaching this week, and it seems appropriate that I will invite students to let go of their limitations and illusions to open to greater possibilities.

I think of how much difference a year or two can make if we are willing to do the hard work that is required of us to evolve and grow. In the end we are rewarded, not only by a changed perspective, but by a deeper sense of peace and contentment...

A year ago I would have been repulsed by the river. Now, I simply accept where it is on its own journey. The river too, cycles through its own seasons and periods.

I do not need to visit the river any more frequently than I need to do anything else. I am less attached to schedules and patterns, to outcomes and needing to know what is coming next in my life. I simply enjoy where I am - how things are - and the incredible opportunities coming my way - since I decided to make a shift in my teaching and work. I find myself more in demand and and my work is currently flourishing...

A dear friend reminded me several times in brief notes during my lowest moments that all shall be well. We often quoted this saying by Julian of Norwich to each other over the years. I didn't really believe things would be well - somehow losing hope for a while. But it is true - God does not abandon us - seeing what are striving to become - and now, all invariably is well...

I paddle back to the launch area, embraced by a new sense of freedom and peace I have not experienced for a long time...

"The soul that is attached to anything,
however much good there may be in it,
will not arrive at the liberty of Divine Union.
For whether it be a strong wire rope
or a slender and delicate thread that holds the bird,
it matters not, if it really holds it fast;
for until the cord is broken,
the bird cannot fly."
~ John of the Cross

"Attachment to spiritual things is...
just an attachment
as inordinate love of anything else."
~ Thomas Merton

"The tighter you squeeze,
the less you have."
~ Zen Saying