In the Autumn of Life

The leaves are softly falling, each one of them gracefully giving up it's spirit, creating a kaleidoscope of colors...

We must die to what we were, to become what we are meant to be...

I reflect on turning 60, two weeks from today, and realize I have been filled with trepidation at arriving at this milestone because of all that has been left unsaid, and undone, and all the paths that have not been traversed...

Several friends in their 60's, and one on its doorstep tell me that this is the best time of their lives and encourage me to not only open to that which brings me joy but what makes my soul sing. Yes, there is still so much to do...

I read a blog entry on the autumn of life and it bids me not to fear the autumn of my years, for on its threshold I must indeed marvel at the treasure of acquired wisdom that I have assembled through many trials and tribulations...

It is truly my time to choose how I will spend my time - because I have paid my dues, many times over. I have no one's life to live - but my own. I do get to choose the trajectory of my remaining years...

Ancient Egyptians were only allowed to sail into the afterlife if they answered affirmatively to two questions:

"Did you find joy?

Did you bring joy?"

And so, I let go - of preconceived notions of how my life should go - of how I have begun my days for the last couple of years. I let go of what I must do for others, to bring more light into the world, in order to rediscover it in mine...

This does not mean that my work ends - but I get to choose when and where my resources go.

I arise on a Tuesday morning, knowing there are tasks I must get to - but decide that I will not fulfill my own previously imposed deadlines. Instead I pray, and continue my practices down at the banks of a river that has seen many seasons in my life...

I pour out my oblations and sanctify taking a different fork on my path, and am enveloped in Light and a lightness of being that has evaded me for a while...

I breathe in the crispness of the air, and marvel at the beautiful scene before me - clouds reflected on rushing waves, captured in pictures I spontaneously take, which look more like an impressionist painting than a still life...

I sit in my meditation space and call upon on the pantheon of saints and sacred beings on the other side, and their fortitude, as I release and let go of all that I have done to sustain myself in a monetary fashion. I let go and surrender to the course of Divine of intervention and guidance, and wherever it will lead me...

There is something freeing in all of this, in spite of being unsettling as well...

In the afternoon, I go to see an inspirational movie, sitting nearly alone in a matinee, and feed my soul...

The course of this week has been different than it has been for nearly two years. I have done much, but now is my time - I choose with whom, and where - and how I spend my life...

For years, so much has fallen away - relationships, connections, work, and while I have lamented it all, I now realize it all played a part in what is unfolding...

I sit this morning and receive so many insights, still bathed in Light and a lightness of being and know that this course that has been set into uncharted waters is precisely the right one...

I sit and hear that I was being led here all the time - all throughout the different twists and turns of my journey...

I choose... I have paid my dues... And in the time that remains for me, I will deepen my connections to the Divine and do something beautiful for God...