Becoming My Best Self
I have not made an entry in this blog since January. Since then, I have been knee deep in spiritual practices - trying on new ones - revisiting old ones I may have hastily or inadvertently discarded. As a result, in this very deep and very long winter, it has fed my soul, while I quietly hibernated, waiting for the first signs of spring...
These are turbulent times. All one has to do is listen to the news or read the newspaper, which I avidly did most of my life. Now, I find myself needing to step away from the constant maddening assault on my senses in order to nurture my soul and come home to my True Self.
Many mornings, after meditation, I walk down to a pond where I sit on a bench, and often meditate some more. But often, I just watch the geese and ducks do their own thing, under a canopy of tree limbs and evergreens, listening to the cacophony of an impromptu chorus of birds happily chirping overhead.
One day last week, I noticed all the usual suspects partying in the pond were gone, except for two ducks. One of them furtively pursued the other one, which periodically flew away to stake out another more remote corner. It definitely wanted to be alone. On and on this went.
As I sat there, wondering what that was all about, I had an insight into my own relationships. At times I have been the pursued, and other times the pursuer.
At times, I have been the one wanting to leave relationships behind that perhaps were needy or which sucked my energy, or were not sustainable or healthy. Other times, I was the needy one, misbehaving like a petulant and selfish child, greedily seeking attention. I was able to simply observe what these dynamics looked like from my bench.
A day or so later, I revisited my pond and sat on my bench once again. This time, there was but one lone mallard out on the pond. As I observed him, I noticed he was oblivious to me, and at times swam very close to where I sat. He seemed content. Self assured, grooming himself from time to time, and periodically diving for a meal. But most of all, he was very present to the moment and all that it offered him.
I realized, that he was just being himself. He was being his best self - as I have been striving to become. But I was trying too hard. He was in the moment, surrendering himself totally to a state of simply being.
I told him he was beautiful, as I watched him preen. I told him he was confident. Grounded. Yes, even as he floated on the water.
It occurred to me, that he was modeling for me, what I was striving to become and to do through all my practices in the midst of so much turbulence in the world and in my immediate life - to become my best self - to put my best foot forward, with confidence, self assurance, fully aware that I was not alone.
He was no more alone than I was. This beautiful duck simply aligned with the rhythms of nature, as I was so desperately striving to to. He was simply saying to me - "See? It's really not all that hard!"
I walked back, on a very cold and crisp morning, with the sun shining in my eyes, knowing that a big thaw had commenced in my heart and soul, beginning to melt all those places that had felt stuck in me during this winter, this past year, and indeed a long portion of my life.
I walked back home, confidently into the sun, silently thanking this exquisite mallard for showing me the way to truly embodying my Best Self.
These are turbulent times. All one has to do is listen to the news or read the newspaper, which I avidly did most of my life. Now, I find myself needing to step away from the constant maddening assault on my senses in order to nurture my soul and come home to my True Self.
Many mornings, after meditation, I walk down to a pond where I sit on a bench, and often meditate some more. But often, I just watch the geese and ducks do their own thing, under a canopy of tree limbs and evergreens, listening to the cacophony of an impromptu chorus of birds happily chirping overhead.
One day last week, I noticed all the usual suspects partying in the pond were gone, except for two ducks. One of them furtively pursued the other one, which periodically flew away to stake out another more remote corner. It definitely wanted to be alone. On and on this went.
As I sat there, wondering what that was all about, I had an insight into my own relationships. At times I have been the pursued, and other times the pursuer.
At times, I have been the one wanting to leave relationships behind that perhaps were needy or which sucked my energy, or were not sustainable or healthy. Other times, I was the needy one, misbehaving like a petulant and selfish child, greedily seeking attention. I was able to simply observe what these dynamics looked like from my bench.
A day or so later, I revisited my pond and sat on my bench once again. This time, there was but one lone mallard out on the pond. As I observed him, I noticed he was oblivious to me, and at times swam very close to where I sat. He seemed content. Self assured, grooming himself from time to time, and periodically diving for a meal. But most of all, he was very present to the moment and all that it offered him.
I realized, that he was just being himself. He was being his best self - as I have been striving to become. But I was trying too hard. He was in the moment, surrendering himself totally to a state of simply being.
I told him he was beautiful, as I watched him preen. I told him he was confident. Grounded. Yes, even as he floated on the water.
It occurred to me, that he was modeling for me, what I was striving to become and to do through all my practices in the midst of so much turbulence in the world and in my immediate life - to become my best self - to put my best foot forward, with confidence, self assurance, fully aware that I was not alone.
He was no more alone than I was. This beautiful duck simply aligned with the rhythms of nature, as I was so desperately striving to to. He was simply saying to me - "See? It's really not all that hard!"
I walked back, on a very cold and crisp morning, with the sun shining in my eyes, knowing that a big thaw had commenced in my heart and soul, beginning to melt all those places that had felt stuck in me during this winter, this past year, and indeed a long portion of my life.
I walked back home, confidently into the sun, silently thanking this exquisite mallard for showing me the way to truly embodying my Best Self.
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