Insights and Fog at the River

I open the blinds and the dense fog takes my breath away. I know that it means only one thing. I MUST go down to the river! Such moments are few and far between, and I am reminded of paddling in the river on Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah, back in the fall of 2008...

I cannot see to the other side of the river - it all grey - the sky and water blending as one. A fisherman launches off and soon disappears behind the veil...

I don't know what it is about fog at the river that draws me and speaks to me. There is something so mysterious about it. I wish I could step into the river, but I have arranged to meet a friend for breakfast on this morning...

I watch one lone goose, without it's friends, gently glide downstream for a bit...

I do Lovingkindness meditations and prayers, and reflect on a series of insights and writings I have come across recently, like these:

"Your prayers for someone may or may not change them,
but it always changes you."
~ Craig Groeschel

"Remind me with every passing day
that appearance is not Reality."
~ Evelyn Underhill

"Empty your head of grief and drink from the stream.
Don't think of it as failing - this water is endless."
~ Rumi

And there is so much else that I reflect on as well...

Today, for the first time, I truly grieve, for so much change, in such little time... I do not have to hold anyone else up - I do not have to support anyone else right now - and so I let go, and let the magnitude of these last couple of months sink in - so much change in my global and local communities, that the question inevitably arises - "Who am I?" And, "what role I am to play now?"

Does it really matter? Evelyn Underhill reminds me that appearance is not reality. Sri Nisargadatta reminds me that I am the things I think I am - not this role - not my past - and certainly not the things that I do or once did. Yogananda reminds me that everything will pass. Our life is but lived out on a stage, and in the end what matters is how well we played our role. But that too, shall pass away in time...

The river comforts and acts as an incredible anchor during this transition, and slowly, without coaxing, bestows both blessings and insights...

Travelers in Time

We are all travelers in time...

This is the thought that comes to me at the river this morning, as I take time to do some brief meditations before returning home to teach...

I do not have the river to myself this morning. Instead, a friendly group of more aged walkers smile, and wish me a good morning. They do not know that I am not a morning person and I do not like to talk that early! Still, I smile back, and and greet them.

There is so much I am thinking about - it would take several entries and volumes of information to download here, so I will mention only a few brief points...

My acupuncturist asked me on Monday, how I was doing with my goals of exercising greater compassion and aiming for more simplicity in my life. She did not know about all the recent events in my yoga community, and so I gave her a brief recap. I am no longer the co-chair of the curriculum committee - so all the work done there came to a grinding halt. For that reason, and a few others, I find myself with more time. So yes, I have greater simplicity and more time to meditate and indulge in all things quotidian. Life has truly showed down now...

These same events, have tested the boundaries and limits of my own compassion in regards to the events in my yoga community. Many times I have striven to be the voice of reason, but at other times, I have found myself buying into discussions where I did not always exhibit my best self... So yes, here too - I have somehow been dancing around with my second goal...

On my walk yesterday, after a dear friend shared her painful life story, a red fox darted in front of me, leaving me rather surprised. As always, I look up the meaning of this animal and find that it is a messenger of the gods, and - directly quoting where I took this information from, I find that a fox has the ability to "guide my steps through this maze of deception and see this problem to its end..." There is much more to this, but the fox also has the ability to make one invisible, which I find especially interesting, because I too, am feeling somewhat lost and invisible at this particular juncture in my life...

I return to lead my students in a twisting sequence to detox, cleanse, and prepare for the change of the seasons, on this first day after the vernal exquinox.

I borrow a page from Sianna Sherman's wonderful workshop at Willow Street Yoga in Maryland this past weekend, and lead my students through various mudras connecting them with the elements and the various aspects they embody - through a cycle beginning with the air element, seeking insight and inspiration, and that continues to journey on to fire - burning the dross and releasing all that does not serve. We continue on to the water element - washing and cleansing - and then end with the earth, where we ground and give intent to establish healthy boundaries...

We all do this, as travelers in time that we are - through every season - year after year. For we are simply travelers, who meet along the way and grace each others' lives.

During savasana I share excerpts of this poem, "For the Traveler," by the Irish poet, John O'Donohue:

"Every time you leave home,
Another road takes you
Into a world you were never in.

New strangers on other paths await.
New places that have never seen you...

When you travel, you find yourself
Alone in a different way.
More attentive now
To the self you bring along.
Your more subtle eye watching...

When you travel,
A new silence
Goes with you,
And if you listen,
You will hear
What your heart would
Love to say.

A journey can become a sacred thing:
Make sure, before you go,
To take the time
To bless your going forth
To free your heart of ballast
So that the compass of your soul
Might direct you toward
The territories of spirit
Where you will discover
More of your hidden life.
And the urgencies
That deserve to claim you.

May you travel in an awakened way,
Gathered wisely into your inner ground;
That you may not waste the invitations
Which wait along the way to transform you.

May you travel safely and refreshed,
And live your time away to its fullest;
Return home more enriched and free
To balance the gift of days which call you."

The Choice to be Positive

On this first day of the Vernal Equinox, I go down to the river in the morning, and stay for a while to do Lovingkindness meditations, and to recite the Reiki Precepts...

I also recite a "mantra" of sorts that has arisen for me, these last few days:

Let it be.
Let it go.
Let go of holding on.
Hold on to letting go.
Let go, and let God...

In the midst of so much negativity, anger, brusque, and sarcastic behavior and comments I have been silently witnessing on three Facebook pages dedicated to the Anusara yoga situation, I decide to step back...

I decide to step back in many ways, and journey more deeply within, because it shows me where I need to do my own inner work...

There is a much bigger world out there, and I am overwhelmed by the many I know who are in need, and removed from this situation. This is not to belittle the reality of things or the experiences of people, but I just cannot give it my energy any more...

It is a good time to assess where I am in life - what needs to change - and what I should be focusing on...

As often happens, a couple of things came into my in box yesterday, and I will share this one, by Jon Gordon, simple entitled, "The Positive Pledge." It reminds me that I have a choice in life. I can choose to be positive, or not. I can do this by the choice of my words, my actions, and most especially, my thoughts. That is why I am coming to the river once again to do lovingkindness meditations, so I that I may heal and release, what does not serve me - and so that I may also help others do the same...

Here is the pledge...

The Positive Pledge

"I pledge to be a positive person and positive influence on my family, friends, co-workers and community. I promise to be positively contagious and share more smiles, laughter, encouragement and joy with those around me.
I vow to stay positive in the face of negativity.
When I am surrounded by pessimism I will choose optimism.
When I feel fear I will choose faith.
When I want to be bitter I will choose to get better.
When I experience a challenge I will look for opportunity to learn and grow.
When faced with adversity I will find strength.
When I experience a set-back I will be resilient.
When I meet failure I will fail forward towards future success.
With vision, hope, and faith, I will never give up and will always move forward towards my destiny.
I believe my best days are ahead of me, not behind me.
I believe I'm here for a reason and my purpose is greater than my challenges.
I believe that being positive not only makes me better, it makes everyone around me better.
So today and every day I will be positive and strive to make a positive impact on the world."

May you be inspired by these words to make the choice to seed your heart and live with positive thoughts, words, and actions...

Meditations and Ablutions at the River

Today is a beautiful day... I can see it. Feel it. Taste it...

Yesterday, on the other hand, was a day that was raw emotionally, in every way...

As I continue to observe and become partially embroiled in the fallout and several discussion threads regarding the recent events within my yoga community, I feel myself gradually, and unexpectedly pulled back to an emotional landscape I have not inhabited for a while now - but the churning of information in the midst of multiple revelations awakens memories and tugs at the remnants of old wounds, long since healed...

And so, instead of going to my yoga class on the other side of the river, I choose instead, to get inside the river...

In the last day, so many quotations come to me bearing needed insights... It seems everything is being broken open everwhere - in my community, in the lives of my friends, and in my heart as well. I question everything, and I mean - EVERYTHING!

Inner work continues, it cannot be otherwise... There are always new layers to address, even in areas we feel are resolved...

It is such a beautiful day here on the river. Everything is in bloom, but the trees have yet to unfurl their new leaves...

And I pray, and baptize myself with the spray that occasionally flies off my paddle...

I paddle - sometimes practically in slow motion - slowing down down to the speed of the present moment. I meditate, and I float downstream, and I reflect on these words, and the insights they yield...

The first insight I had yesterday was simply this:

"If I totally let go of judgement, I will be totally free."

Ah! So incredible in its utter simplicity, yet it would take me lifetimes of practice to truly embody. And yet, it seems to me - this is the key to everything. To happiness. To peace. To freedom. And to Divine Union...

"As long as you have certain desires
about how it ought to be
you can't see how it is."
~ Ram Dass

"God's wisdom turns completely upside down
everything we thought we knew about the world..."
~ From a Lenten reflection

"Keep my eyes and my heart open
to what is Real."
~ Evelyn Underhill

"It is our BEING in the world
that is the essence of all we do.
Our DOING flows out of our BEING,
and that is why it is necessary
to learn to pause."
~ Macrina Wiederkehr

"Sacred is the pause
that brings us into stillness."
~ Macrina Wiederkehr

"Behind this world,
opens an infinite universe."
~ Rumi

"Nothing real can be threatened.
Nothing unreal exists.
Herein lies the peace of God."
~ A Course in Miracles

"Look for the answer
inside your question."
~Rumi

Yes, today, I float, and I pray...

For others, for myself - for a "situation" - for past wounds...

And despite it all - despite all the pain of the past, I am glad to be where I am today...

I still have lessons to learn - and things to work on. There is still so much to address in myself, in my relationships, and in the long healing journey and dance between love and forgiveness that I call life!

Triage at the River

For only the second time since my surgery last summer, I stepped into the river...

It's not like I haven't been in the river at this time of year before, but never in capris, and short sleeves, and my purple crocs!

I pushed away from the launch site, and felt both freedom and exhilaration, as I paddled into the river, in Grace, my trusty kayak, who also accompanied me upstream day after day, just a few years ago, as I battled depression...

But today, the only tune that played in my head, was, "I'm free! I'm free!," by The Who. I know. I'm dating myself...

I paddled to the Maryland side of the Potomac River, only intending to be there for a bit. I had a lot of work waiting for me back home. And, I was overwhelmed by the many needs out there, and so many requests for Reiki, prayers, healing energy and my time...

I intended to say a few prayers, and somehow decide who needed them most today, and head back...

But, God had something else in store for me. I was drawn to slowly paddle upstream on other side of the first island in the river, where I have seldom gone...

Instead of engaging in triage, I "heard" a Voice within me say,

"It is not for you to decide who needs your attention most. Just pray and be present, and I will take care of the rest."

I wanted to argue with the Voice. I wanted to say -

"I just don't have enough time to do everything, and to be present to everyone. And besides, what about me? What about my needs?"

But, almost immediately, I felt the silliness of my thoughts, and remembered a dear friend who helped her father die last week say to me, "Now is not the time for prayers, but the time to be present, and to do..."

I realized, that I still had so much to learn, so much to work on, and much to divest myself of...

When you paddle upstream, if you let go - you enter into a rhythm with the river. When you do not fight the current, and just find that place where you sort of merge with it, it just flows. It becomes a dance, and you, the river, and the cadence of the paddling all become one. And then, it becomes almost effortless...

So I paddled, and halfway up the one side of the island, I saw the noble swan again. He was so magnificent. Just sitting there. Totally unperturbed. I know he was inviting me to be still... Just simply to let go and be silent and still...

And then I heard the words... "To whom much is given - much is asked..."

I had been tended to... It was now my time to give, and to share my resources, and not worry about whether it would all be replenished or not...

I recalled the meaning of swan totems. These graceful avian creatures are all about healing, and stepping into your own power, and transformation, and tapping into all the resources hidden deeply within... Yes, they are all about inner power and grace...

I thought to myself, the swan knows... He knows what I need, and he stayed where he was, moving gracefully from time to time in hardly discernible and very incremental movements. He was exhorting me to be who I was. And to do, what I was being asked to do right now...

I paddled around the corner, and floated downstream, resisting my urge to correct my course, remembering a wise insight that came to me on this very river years ago, when I was in my darkest hour, feeling so alone, and so lost:

"Let go of holding on, and hold on to letting go..."

I floated, and prayed, and sent healing to so many hurting, their voices blending like a fine whiskey in my head - a virtual cacophony of needs, of pains, of losses, of turning points...

I floated, and imbibed the peace on this river - listening to the barely audible sound of the breeze, and the joyous splashing by the occasional bass jumping and flapping about, and I knew that everything would evolve and resolve as it should... Every prayer would be listened to, and every need addressed. Each, in its own time. But, it was not for me to decide these things. All I had to do - was to simply be present to each and everyone that came to me - in the moment...

Between Mahasamadhi's

Every year, I wait for one very special day: The day in between the Mahasamadhi of Paramahansa Yogananda and that of his own guru, Sri Yukteswar, just separated by a mere day...

Yogananda's Mahasamadhi is on the 7th of March - and Sri Yukteswar's, is on the 9th.

I like to think that Yogananda left his body to be with his own teacher and master on his day. I can imagine the party they had, and like good friends, imagine they stayed up all night getting caught up in each other's lives! (Not that they really needed to do that!)

A mahasamadhi, is the "conscious exit" from the body and a particular lifetime by a great being when his or her task is done. It is something that all great gurus and lamas in both the Hindu and Buddhist traditions strive to attain, by living a life enriched by dedicated spiritual practices.

It is said, that on the day of a great being's mahasamadhi, they are more present, and the attention they give to prayers and special requests is amplified.

And so, I have often considered that place in between - very sacred, and pregnant with the Divine...

This year, I find myself in between what was - and what is - or what is becoming in my life. This year, spring is arriving early, and buds are on all sorts of trees - Bradford Pears and Cherry trees of all varieites, and first blooms are in evidence everywhere...

On Thursday, that day in between, I began with a craniosacral session with my gifted therapist. She noted that while my adrenals were a little depleted, I had weathered the storm within my yoga community remarkably well.

Then, it was on to a meeting with members of my local yoga community, followed by my giving a client a Reiki session, in the late afternoon. As I internally chanted the "jumons" (Reiki mantras), I found myself becoming the Reiki energy itself in that place devoid of any separation. It was a beautiful space to be in. Later, I sent energy to a friend's newborn baby, undergoing surgery, and to others so in need of prayers, such as a friend presently acting as "midwife" to her own father's transition from this life...

A mahasamadhi is a conscious transition from one plane of existence to another. At least, this is how I like to conceive of it. On this day in between, I decided that from now on - I would try to exercise more conscious choices regardling how I live my life, how I teach, and how I choose to interact with others, and how to just be who I am...

After all, St. Francis de Sales once wrote to those in his care: "Be who you are, and be that well..."

Yogani, an anonymous teacher of meditation and advanced yoga techniques, whose teachings are available online, always ends his - or her entries with this simple reminder: "The Guru is in You." In other words, the true teacher is always within.

I've shared before, that my favorite quote from Mother Teresa of Calcutta is: "God speaks in the silence of the heart, and we listen." If we are willing pay attention, signs always come.

On this day between mahasamdhi's and beyond, I am reminded once again, that life is a series of transitions. Lord knows I've undergone enough of them in the last decade to keep my head spinning. The question becomes for all of us - regardless of our life circumstances - will we transition consciously? Will we transition by listening to our hearts and following its inner dictates, without being swayed by others or attaching to the surrounding drama of life's circumstances? it is never easy, but the rewards are great.

Today, and every day in between - transition consciously. And fearlessly. And maybe one day, you, and I - will also leave this life consciously...

Mahasamadhi Blessings

On this beautiful, and magnificent morning, I ponder the safe delivery of a friend and her baby boy, and continue to hold them in my prayers as they await tests...

I pray for a friend whose father is in the process of transitioning...

And for another awaiting surgery - and still another in the midst of a long convalescence. And this is just a mere sampling of those for whom I am praying. The needs are many...

But on this day, which is also the 60th anniversary of the Mahasamadhi of Paramahansa Yogananda, I am comforted in the knowledge that he intercedes for all of my friends in a very special way.

On this day, 60 years ago, Yogananda left his earthly form to be more present to all, from the Spiritual Realm. And so, I mark this beautiful occasion, by sharing some samples from his writings which seem very appropriate and speak to many experiences and situations I have been experiencing:

"Through meditation one can experience a stable, silent inner peace that can be a permanently soothing background for all harmonious or trialsome activities demanded by life's responsibilities. Lasting happiness lies in maintaining this evenly peaceful state of mind." - from Inner Peace: How to be Calmly Active and Actively Calm by Paramahansa Yogananda (Self-Realization Fellowship, Los Angeles, All rights reserved).

"The moon's reflection cannot be seen clearly in ruffled water, but when the water's surface is calm a perfect reflection of the moon appears. So with the mind: when it is calm you see clearly reflected the mooned face of the soul. As souls we are reflections of God. When by meditation techniques we withdraw restless thoughts from the lake of the mind, we behold our soul, a perfect reflection of Spirit, and realize that the soul and God are One." - from Where There is Light by Paramahansa Yogananda (Self-Realization Fellowship, All rights reserved).

"Through meditation I will stop the storm of breath, mental restlessness, and sensory disturbances raging over the lake of my mind. Through prayer and meditation I will harness my will and actiity to the right goal." - from Metaphysical Meditations by Paramahansa Yogananda (Self-Realization Fellowship, All rights reserved).

For more information on Yogananda and his writings, please visit:
www.yogananda-srf.org

The Only Constant is Change

Buddhists teach, that the only constant is change...

Gandhi once extolled, that we must be the change we want to see in the world...

The season of Lent invites us to do inner work and reflection and make changes within and ultimately without...

It seems that everything that comes into my inbox lately addresses this theme of change - Lenten reflections, Facebook posts, emails...

I receive a picture of a beautiful bird, an eagle perhaps, with a huge wingspan accompanied by the caption: "Change your mind. Change the world..."

A Lenten reflection I subscribe to, posed this question yesterday: "What would make you drop everything and change directions?"

It is never too late for change...

Rumi reminds us that, "You transform all who are touched by you..."

Truly, the only constant is change...

And today, from my Lenten reflections, "Journey to the Cross," I receive the following insights...

"We are creating the future today. It is hard to imagine what doesn't exist yet. But the choices we make today will define future generations. We get to decide if we want to be part of blessing future generations. Our behaviors today impact the future of the environment, our health our communities, and our families.

We decide if we help to create a future of love, hope, and compassion or a future of hatred, fear, and judgment." Bonnie Cassida

I pause, and slowly drink in the magnitude of those words, and the closing prayer at the end of these reflections seems to acknowledge this:

"God of blessings, help me to look beyond myself and into the hope of your promise. As I look toward my future, help me to also imagine generations beyond myself."

Just as I get ready to start my day, I read this:

"Everyone who has ever taken a shower has had an idea. It's the person who gets out of the shower, dries off, and does something about it that makes a difference." Nolan Bushnell

I go to the river and survey the broad expanse... The river is always in a state of change. This is not good or bad - it just simply is...

Roots and Wings

There is a time to live, and a time to die...

Parents know that they must provide their children with a strong foundation, education, and values - so that they may eventually leave the nest and flourish on their own...

In the last few days I've received so much sad news... A dear friend is helping her father transition... Another awaits the birth of her child, facing complications. And another was just diagnosed with cancer. A dear friend of my family transitioned today...

I consider all these occurrences against the back drop of my yoga community and the events that shattered it...

What does all this mean?

What does it say to me?

I am reminded of the fragility of life and the importance of living fully in the present moment...

I am reminded that children need roots and wings - much like some of my yoga community's progeny - which are now finding their voices and stepping into their own power...

I am reminded that the only constant is change...

And, I am reminded of of the famous passage from Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8 - "There is time to live and a time to die..."

There is a time to hold on to something, and there is a time to let go of it...

There is a time to follow your heart, and walk a different path, even if you leave others behind...

I end this posting with this wonderful quote I saw on Facebook, because it seems so appropriate to me right now...

"There is a voice inside of you
That whispers all day long,
'I feel that this is right for me,
I know that this is wrong.'
No teacher, preacher, parent, friend
Or wise man can decide
What's right for you - just listen to
The voice that speaks inside."
~ Shel Siverstein

Let us all live fully and freely and give others the room to do so as well. Let us accept everyone as they are - wherever they may be. Amen!