Insights and Fog at the River

I open the blinds and the dense fog takes my breath away. I know that it means only one thing. I MUST go down to the river! Such moments are few and far between, and I am reminded of paddling in the river on Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah, back in the fall of 2008...

I cannot see to the other side of the river - it all grey - the sky and water blending as one. A fisherman launches off and soon disappears behind the veil...

I don't know what it is about fog at the river that draws me and speaks to me. There is something so mysterious about it. I wish I could step into the river, but I have arranged to meet a friend for breakfast on this morning...

I watch one lone goose, without it's friends, gently glide downstream for a bit...

I do Lovingkindness meditations and prayers, and reflect on a series of insights and writings I have come across recently, like these:

"Your prayers for someone may or may not change them,
but it always changes you."
~ Craig Groeschel

"Remind me with every passing day
that appearance is not Reality."
~ Evelyn Underhill

"Empty your head of grief and drink from the stream.
Don't think of it as failing - this water is endless."
~ Rumi

And there is so much else that I reflect on as well...

Today, for the first time, I truly grieve, for so much change, in such little time... I do not have to hold anyone else up - I do not have to support anyone else right now - and so I let go, and let the magnitude of these last couple of months sink in - so much change in my global and local communities, that the question inevitably arises - "Who am I?" And, "what role I am to play now?"

Does it really matter? Evelyn Underhill reminds me that appearance is not reality. Sri Nisargadatta reminds me that I am the things I think I am - not this role - not my past - and certainly not the things that I do or once did. Yogananda reminds me that everything will pass. Our life is but lived out on a stage, and in the end what matters is how well we played our role. But that too, shall pass away in time...

The river comforts and acts as an incredible anchor during this transition, and slowly, without coaxing, bestows both blessings and insights...


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