Aligning with Grace

This morning, a mother and her daughter took off in kayaks in the early morning light...The water and air was very still - and I sensed we would have another hot day on tap! Yesterday the movers came and moved all the equipment and furniture to the new studio. I laid down mats and re-calculated the space and noted I could accommodate 24 comfortably. As I shot the breeze with my partners in this venture, I realized it felt very much like home. We delighted in some of the decorative purchases and touches we had made... Today is another full day, but I was present and felt very rested down at the river this morning as I did all of my sundry river meditations. I end this month surveying the vast expanse of the river and thinking of all that the river has been to me these many months - and of this song that I been singing to myself, over and over again. Every time I come to the river, it seems that the first thing I "hear" inside of me is: "The river is wide..." So many...

I arise in the waning darkness and do my morning meditation, then head out to the river before embarking on my long trek to the other side of the river to sub at the studio which is my spiritual home... I encounter a group of six gentle deer and we spend some time looking at each other very intently in the eye. I feel we are all one - there is no fear - only love... Though I have come to the river earlier than usual, I watch an experienced kayaker instruct a "newbie" and I listen closely to what he says, mentally taking notes. In almost moments they disappear to the other side of the river, and I sit in the stillness and haze, indicating it will be very hot today... Fish jump here and there - and the river looks like a plate of glass - and for a moment I feel myself "walk" on its surface - longingly looking towards the other side... I give thanks for the opportunities of this day - to teach - and to start anew... I arrive early at the studio and take the seat of the...

I arise and go to the river early... There is not a car or soul in sight...I commune with the river in the anticipation of dedicating a sacred space...There are signs everywhere of today's significance, easily missed by the non-observant heart... Keys received - opening doors to sacred space - and to a new spiritual home - and a new phase in my life... I enter in silence and pray a variation of Yogananda's Prayer: Dearest God - lineage of beloved gurus, saints, angels and guides; May thy love shine forever on the sanctuary of my devotion-- and the devotion and dedication of all who come to this sacred space that we may all be able to awaken thy love in all hearts... Drops of holy water from the Mother Ganges and from the shrine at Lourdes cleanse and sanctify this sacred space... Fragrant holy oil anoints every corner of both rooms... I bow in reverence and offer up my Kriya practice in this space, with the magnificent spiritual eye of God more visible than it has been... Praye...

My heart has been elsewhere these last few days...Imagining moments, experiences, breakthroughs, that were not my own... The deep ache of loss permeates everything, but I know, as I prepare my comments for the class I will teach this week for another instructor - that the Buddha taught that we are each given ten thousand joys and ten thousand sorrows... In the midst of my own sadness, two students connect with me and express deep felt gratitude for experiences and breakthroughs in a workshop that I had prepared them for...Yes, their gratitude melts into a joy flowering forth from my sorrow... Tears flow, reminding me to keep my heart open - when what I want to do is to close up tightly. This is what I will teach this week, and it is what I must learn again, and again, and again - how to remain open, despite everything that life offers us... I think of Tony Snow, the Press Secretary who died recently - born in 1955 like I was - who said that getting cancer had been his greatest blessin...

I am not where I thought I would be this morning...But I am there in my heart...Perhaps even present in other hearts... I review the wise counsel and insights given to me by a mentor who traveled from afar and recommended some materials for my healing journey... I am saddened by the passing of Randy Pausch, the professor, who filmed his "Last Lecture" and moved the world by reminding us all, of what is really important in life... I still mourn so much and yet rejoice in new experiences as I delight in seeing the studio that will be my new home - as it is nearing its completion... I review my theme and comments in preparation for subbing at the studio that is my spiritual home - honored to be invited to teach there - nervous about my first experience doing so - wanting to give back just a bit of what I have received... And I remember a message received and remembered at the river the last few mornings... Love Greater Than Pain the river speaks its wisdom-- as an inner locution...

Last night, I finally allowed myself to finish reading Deep Water Passage: A Spiritual Journey at Mid-Life by Ann Linnea, where she documents her experience of being the first woman to kayak around Lake Superior over the course of 65 days. The journey was fraught with dangers, but the spiritual awakening she experienced changed the course and direction of her life. Once again, there were passages I resonated with, and which were reminiscent of experiences I had in my life this past year, and in my visits to the river... "When we can hold council with fellow creatures of all species, then we are beginning to understand the presence of sacred in our lives. But the most challenging creature to hold council with is our own kind... When two creatures meet as naturally as lake lapping against shore, or river flowing into sea, there is a melding, a magic that transcends the everyday. I felt myself drawn forward into understanding Mystery and Higher Purpose. I felt myself anointed and bel...

I am nearing the end of my re-reading of Deep Water Passage , not wanting it to end! Last night I read the next to the last chapter, a very touching one, entitled "Guardian Angels," which deals with a couple of special visitations that Ann Linnea receives...It also contains these quotes which spoke to me - the first one of these is a re-posting from a couple of days ago, but it continues to speak to me so deeply: "There comes a time in our lives when we are called to believe the unbelievable. If we allow ourselves to believe, we open the door to the infinite possibility of who we might become... Sometimes when we have been called into other realities, it is so unnerving that we must immerse ourselves in normalcy and ponder the immensity of the experience... The longer I watched, the more my body resonated with a feeling of connectedness to everything around me - the night sky, the stars, the silhouettes of boulders, the lapping of waves on the shore... It was as if my mi...