Let Go of Holding On

I go to the river - compelled by a force and an urge greater than myself and which I cannot resist, even though the river is murky, and dirty and filled with debris. I cannot see to the bottom, yet the clouds overhead are reflected in the dark and opaque waters.

If the river is a metaphor for my life - is this another sign? All of my intuitive friends would unanimously agree it is so...

I see one heron flying off - but I do not think it is the one I have connected with because it is no where near the place he usually inhabits. I do not see him today - but I think I hear him calling out to me when I paddle back to the launch area ...

I paddle upstream, somewhat repelled by all the debris floating on the surface as I repeat a line from my entry yesterday:

"Let go of holding on--
and hold on to letting go..."

I repeat it over and over again as I paddle. It is a mantra. So simple, but so hard to practice and embody...

I reach my favorite spot and meditate for a while and then float downstream, repeating my mantra over and over again:

"Let go of holding on--
and hold on to letting go..."

When I open my eyes I note that I floated down quickly, and almost in a straight line...I do not have to paddle hard or long to make my way back...

I think of teaching several classes this last week in different settings, inviting students to explore the interplay between effort and surrender - in standing poses, in forward bends, and restoratives, and in 60 salutations...

The river is a constant reminder and manifestation of this interplay of effort and surrender in my own life...I don't know where I am going - but I go none-the-less...There is still too much resistance inside - even though yesterday I was called to do a yin practice - holding poses for a long time, surrendering over and over to the Divine...

I reflect on the insights given to me by another intuitive friend I had not heard from in a while. She finds powerful Shamanic symbolism evident in my experiences on the river.

She observes that I am working through my emotions and feelings through the very act of paddling on the river - for water is symbolic of emotions...

The heron too, serves an important role - for in Shamanic medicine he evokes many things - the need for greater self-reliance and following one's own path - the need for working through self-esteem issues and dealing with healthy and appropriate boundaries...It is also about dealing with dignity, and engaging in exploration as well...

What else can be said?

The river heals - and constantly reveals...

I thank the One and the one who brought me to the river...