My Soul is Broken Open

It is a beautiful day. It is a quiet day for me. And it is crisp. And breezy. The air is fresh, inviting me to drink it in, slowly, but fully...Breathe, I am told. Breathe fully...Feel fully...

I sleep in, and then go to get coffee, and head down to the river - a morning ritual I have not observed in a long time...

For a moment, I think that the gracious soul who has served me coffee before is not working today, and I am disappointed. This is the woman who once took my hands into hers and warmed them on a cold winter day - and who on another occasion asked me to pray for her - though we come from different cultures and different spiritual traditions. But then she materializes, almost out of nowhere, and takes my order - always mindfully - she looks me directly in the eye and smiles. And I think to myself - that I see the Face of God in her. He has visited me through her...

I make it down to the river, and walk down to the area by the riverbank where I used to sit on the rocks, two years ago, offering my morning prayers and meditations. But it looks different. A huge tree trunk blocks the way to the rocks and the water, and everything seems re-arranged differently from what I remembered it to be...

Everything changes - and is impermanent - and nothing lasts...

And for a moment, I release gentle tears and think of all the incredible experiences I have had - beautiful gifts amidst loss - such as the incredible and spirit-filled people I have come to know. I tell myself - that "My Soul is Broken Open." This is the title of a book I wrote - a collection of my favorite poems culled from all of my other works. I collected these in a volume mainly for myself and to give to some cherished friends...

I think of the soul and the set of circumstances that broke my soul open - tilling fertile soil that was ripe for the relationships and the changes that needed to occur in my life. But they did not occur without arduous birthing and sorrow and pain, and heaviness as well...

Yet I know, I was given an incredible gift - that enabled me to stand where I am today. I cannot go back to that time and place any more than these rocks and shore line will re-arrange themselves as they were two years ago...

I remember the wise reminder given to me by this same treasured soul that was a catalyst for so much growth in me - the very soul who first brought me to this river: "Everything passes away except God..."

I drive home eventually, realizing that every experience and circumstance in my life has been for a reason. There are lessons I have had to learn, and am still learning - even today - as my soul continues to be broken open, again, and again, and again...